question about tempoary orders.

[vtdad02]

We have court tomorrow in which a temporary parenting time will be discussed. I am going for 5050 but my lawyer said chances are slim. But my question is if i get visits 2 days a week to start, do they start immediately? Such as if it is ordered I get parent time on Tuesday, it would start the day after court?

And also, I do not have a carseat or crib or toys at my house for D1 yet, is that something the judge will take into account and maybe only order supervised visits until a permanent order is in place? And can NJ request that she does ALL drop off and pick ups?

[jumbledone]

Find a crib on Craigslist tonight and pick it up before court tomorrow, or stop into Target, etc. Get yourself everything you need to take care of D1, so you can show you are serious about being her dad. Always show up ready to show how you already are her dad, not how you are planning on being a dad.

[dadmisseskids]

And also, I do not have a carseat or crib or toys at my house

Seriously? You want a judge to give you 50/50 but you aren't even ready to accommodate your D1 at your place? What are you waiting for?

And can NJ request that she does ALL drop off and pick ups?

Is that a rhetorical question? You don't even have a car seat! How else would you expect your D1 to get to your place!?

[vtdad02]

Well, I havent been allowed in her life for the past 7 months basically. So I don't expect that they let me take her on my own right away, but I meant when the time comes that we will be doing exchanges and such, will a judge allow it if NJ wants to do all the pickups and dropoffs?

[whatnow?]

Judges will typically allow what ever REASONABLE accommodations the parents come up with, as long as they are both in agreement.

What I'd be asking myself, besides WHY don't you have the stuff to take care of your daughter, is what the NJ is trying so hard to hide from you. They don't do favors, and they don't do anything without a reason......................

[dadmisseskids]

will a judge allow it if NJ wants to do all the pickups and dropoffs?

You're looking at things from the wrong point of view. You can't go into court saying you want X, Y and Z without having plans in place for X, Y and Z. What you are lacking is minimal but it's basic. And if you're lacking the most basic things, the judge will question how you well you are prepared to handle more difficult things.

The judge is probably thinking: "This guys wants 50/50 with his D1 but he doesn't even have toys, a crib or a car seat? I wonder what else this guy doesn't have for his daughter. I can't give him much of anything with regards to time because he isn't ready for it."

In family court, when you want to accommodate time with your kids, the judge doesn't want to hear "I will" or "I'm working on it" or "It shouldn't be much longer before I get these things" because they won't take you seriously. They want to hear, "I have X, Y and Z. I'm ready to start 50/50 today because I don't need anything else to accommodate our D1 your honor."

Does it make more sense now?

[stb_divorced]

you're kinda cutting it close with the tomorrow deadline don't you think?

going forward - you need to get into some parenting classes and get a first aid & cpr for children certificates from the red cross. these go a long way in proving you're serious and that you're able to handle an emergency.

totally agree about craigslist... also think about consignment shops around town or garage sales. baby stuff is expensive when paying retail. you can even ask some neighbors or relatives to let you borrow a few things. i know i still have baby things kicking around my basement i'd love to get rid of.

if you can setup an room or dedicate one area for baby things that would be great to show the judge.

[vtdad02]

She says she doesn't trust me driving with her. Or anyone for that matter, she has never let anyone else drive her anywheres. But my lawyer is going to the most of the talking I assume, correct? So he hopefully wont put my foot in my mouth by saying the things that I am asking you guys here.

[stb_divorced]

just be prepared to get a direct question. as the other posters stated judges don't like to hear about what you're going to do.

no offense but going from no kids to babies can be hard for some guys. ever put together something that only has chinese instructions? it just takes some practice and i'm sure you'll be fine - but you need to show the judge you're serious and ready for it.

is there a relative (mom/aunt/sister) that could help you during your transition into parenting? this would be a good thing to talk about if asked how you're going to handle a baby.

you can set apart a section of a room for just the baby. do it tonight! that way you can say you've already done it to the judge...and then tell him what your plans are: paint, cribs, swings, dressing table, etc.

good luck tomorrow and let us know how it works out!