Don't know what to think!

Parental Alienation Syndrome, Malicious Mother Syndrome, dealing with the ex, and various other non-legal concerns throughout the process.

Don't know what to think!

Postby stbstepdad » Sun Feb 05, 2012 5:38 am

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Last edited by stbstepdad on Sun Feb 05, 2012 3:13 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Don't know what to think!

Postby dadmisseskids » Sun Feb 05, 2012 5:52 am

stbstepdad wrote:I get mad because I'm sending the gf and baby back in part so the baby can have a relationship with him.
What's the other part?
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Re: Don't know what to think!

Postby Fatheroffour » Sun Feb 05, 2012 7:30 am

No reponse from the dad. What's up with that?


Doesn't check his VM? She didn't actually dial him? He's on vacation. He lost his phone. He's in jail. There could be any number or reasons why it is what it is.


You made a decision. Good for you. Don't waffle because of what you don't know. Stick with what you do know.
Everyone lies.
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Re: Don't know what to think!

Postby 4myg1rl » Sun Feb 05, 2012 8:27 am

reading between the lines:
stbstepdad wrote: she called the father (in front of me) ...asking him if he wanted to ... pick her up to spend time with her whille she is in town..


she's playing you, you've made the right decision. Stay with her and she will continue to play you off of the baby's father anytime you do something she doesn't like. It's natural to have doubts, but do not go back. It's admirable that you care about the child, but you can't fix this. Find someone that loves you, that is not settling for you because she has made a mess of her life. You deserve better.
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Re: Don't know what to think!

Postby Anything4Her » Sun Feb 05, 2012 10:22 am

Stand firm. You are hurting now, but it pales in comparison to having your heart ripped out in a year or two.

I strongly relate to your story. I had started dating a girl I knew for over 10 years. I was a complete beta in college and mooned over this close friend while she was branch swinging from guy to guy. 10 years later, we reconnected just after she was dumped, and suddenly, for the first time, she returned my sexual interest. I lasted about a year, until she met her preferred type, a smooth talking German guy. Suddenly, I could do nothing right.

I was immediately history. Looking back, I realized that since I had known her, she had always been there when she needed me. Now this was a very pretty, charming, intelligent woman (literally a genius level IQ and valedictorian of her college graduating class). She has loads of devoted friends and is usually a genuinely nice person, no horns, no rattles, no exterior warning signs except her history which I ignored in my eagerness to be with my dream woman. She had filed restraining orders on two previous boyfriends and had cheated on every bf she ever had.

Ask yourself what I only realized after getting my heart broken. If we were meant to be together, why did she only want me once she 'needed'? We had a lot of history in which she clearly had no interest.

Stand firm. The pain will pass.

-a4h
Last edited by Anything4Her on Sun Feb 05, 2012 10:38 am, edited 2 times in total.
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Re: Don't know what to think!

Postby BartSimpson » Sun Feb 05, 2012 10:23 am

You don't need to answer to us but you should be honest with yourself about a couple of questions:

1. Did she actually call you her boyfriend? I know you guys have been good friends since early High School, but Ladder Theory (check it out) says that you cannot go from being "good friends" to "lovers" in a woman's mind - two separate ladders. How she defined your role in the relationship was awkward, right?

2. Did the entire relationship revolve around the Baby? Somehow I doubt you two hired a babysitter and went out, or left the kidlet at the Grandparents for the night. It was a threesome and between work, her needs and the baby - there was a lot of charity by you, right?

3. Did you guys actually have sex? First, she was all hormonal and pregnant, then had the baby and was healing down there, then she was nursing and . . . well in front of the baby? Something tells me that you maybe got to cuddle and snuggle in bed with your pajamas on, but you were not experiencing Rule 34 madness with this woman, right?

4. Did she really plan to stay? While I know we are all powerful and stuff, I bet it was her idea to move back home, and more likely she knew all along she was going back. The bad boy is just a bit player in this element of the story - the bad boy that she says she hates, but makes such an effort to be so entangled. Someday you will find it was all a scam.

Son, you've dodged a bullet. Time to go for a long walk with your Dad and revisit the conversation where he told you this would happen. Time to junk the concept of immediate gratification and whatever makes you happy, and talk to your Dad about a proper strategy for the future. Time to face the truth - time to shovel the gravel.

And if I were giving you fatherly advice, I would tell you to live a spartan existence, save your money, work on your career path, travel to overcome your ignorance, and don't get married. You're the sensitive Nice Guy type, it takes a special woman and this wasn't it.

And sure as shiat, don't go playing step-dad again.
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Re: Don't know what to think!

Postby Anything4Her » Sun Feb 05, 2012 10:32 am

BartSimpson wrote:1. Did she actually call you her boyfriend? I know you guys have been good friends since early High School, but Ladder Theory (check it out) says that you cannot go from being "good friends" to "lovers" in a woman's mind - two separate ladders. How she defined your role in the relationship was awkward, right?


Ouch! That strikes dead center in the story I related in the post above. I was just the guy that was her emotional tampon until she found someone else and she was very reluctant to label me as boyfriend.

I really was a complete beta.
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Re: Don't know what to think!

Postby stbstepdad » Sun Feb 05, 2012 11:57 am

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Last edited by stbstepdad on Sun Feb 05, 2012 3:14 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Don't know what to think!

Postby dadmisseskids » Sun Feb 05, 2012 12:07 pm

stbstepdad wrote:The other part is that I don't want to be used as a substitute. I really like this girl, almost love, and who doesn't love a baby, but now I realize that if the gf is just using me it's going to hurt if I get really attached to both of them and the gf leaves. I don't want to raise the baby for 5 years and then have her ripped away and me have no legal right unless the father let's me adopt her.
Sounds like you had a moment of clarity. Just keep this thought in mind and move on. You'll be better off.

Also, it probably won't be the last time either.
"Success depends on your backbone, not your wishbone"

Mommy has Borderline Personality Disorder? She's very difficult to deal with? Buy this:

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B0056JX46W
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Re: Don't know what to think!

Postby stbstepdad » Sun Feb 05, 2012 12:21 pm

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Last edited by stbstepdad on Sun Feb 05, 2012 3:14 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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