Psych records

[mydearchildren]

I was able to issue subpoena for my STBX psych records. In looking through them, it confirms that she has major depression, anxiety (Not specified) and has been drinking 2-3 glasses of wine/night to cope (she claims in records - I think it is more). She has been having an affair. I filed for divorce. heated custody battle underway. She moved out and I have kids with me 100% with her visiting since 12/1. We are in VA.

What has been your experiences with this being used in court in proving I am a better parent for the children. I am concerned that due to her issues, the children will be harmed. She has admitted in records that she is overwhelmed, irritable and anxious because of children.

I sent her a very reasonable custody proposal that gives her plenty of time with kids but anticipate she will reject as she is scared of impact on child support (which I demand or need none from her). I am thinking of taking it to court but want to address all my options and strategy. I have a good lawyer.

Thank you all

[Bubba Seal]

I dont think it matter on the depression part, cause face it everyone that goes thru divorce faces some form of depression.

If she is an adult it is legal to drink. You thinking she drinks more is just heresay.

You have these things, but I wouldnt count on them.

If you have the kids 100% of the time, you need to focus on that, what you do with the kids, all the postitive things about you in relationship to your kids.

I dont think its a question of proving she is a lesser parent than you are, you just need to show how you are a great dad, period. That trumps a negative campaign based on her so called faults every day of the week in my mind.

Just my 2 cents, Good Luck!

[Anything4Her]

Delay, delay, delay. You have the kids 100%. Run out the clock. Don't push for resolution, you are building great status quo for primary custody. Get your ducks quietly in a row while hers are still running wild.

[mydearchildren]

she has suffered from depression most of her adult life. sometimes it was treated by meds, sometimes it went unchecked. Divorce is obviously not helping now.

I believe I am a great father and she has indicated so herself on the record. I do everything for my two young kids and have been doing so 100% since she moved out. I love to spend time with them and always have since they were born. In fact, I was doing the majority of everything since summer and have been available and work from hom since January 2011 so I can spend time with them and take care of their needs.

As to delay, yes I agree but I also want to speak some reason to her and hope that she would see that I want her to be part of the kids lives. Unfortunately, she has no mind of her own and will utilize her advisors to her detriment and the whole process. Also, I am doing all of this in good faith and don't want it to get to court but I am ready if she pushes me

[Fatheroffour]

What has been your experiences with this being used in court in proving I am a better parent for the children.

IME, it doesn't.

GAL diagnosed me as depressed and that I should get help for it. Still recommended me for custody.

[spritom]

You don't prove that you're a better parent. That's stuff for TV.
You show that you have a good plan for the children and that you are willing, able, and would love to carry out that positive plan for the children.

If you have to go negative, then you show the court that the other side can't carry out their plan or that their plan is not positive for the children. This is the minor part of your presentation.

The rare times in which you would go negative specifically against the other person is:
* drugs
* danger to the children
* felony (most felonies, not all)
* other person lied to the court in a way that would help your case

It's not about the parents. The court hates parents. It's all about which plan for the children is....better.
Even when talking to the court about yourself, it's not a job interview where it's me-me-me...you learn to re-talk so that everything is you doing things for the good of the children. Things aren't your parenting time, it's the children's time with both parents.

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You're sitting in a fantastic temporary seat. When you're ahead in the game, don't make drastic moves and run out the clock...it's in your favor. Going for the "status quo" is a great strategy in this type of case.

Offer to negotiate an early settlement, but if there's resistance, go forward with the case (which is a form of negotiation in itself).

Hang in there!