Parental Alienation Syndrome...

[Rocko1]

Don't use so much force that you may leave a mark. I think it is one thing to pick them up and bring, as it is to almost have to fight them off and restrain them.

This is the area I am concerned about. The times he has not wanted to go it's been a fight. Punching, kicking, trying to get out, biting. And it's not a 5 minute ordeal, it will last the entire ride home-45 minutes. Even for me, 6'2" 220 pounds, it's not easy to stop him without myself and him having some marks. If it was just putting him in the car and he pouted, cried, etc, it's a non issue. This is something more. I have never spanked or hit him, I am not sure other than seeing his mother abused by her new husband, where this comes from.

This doesn't happen all the time. Maybe 2x a year.

I appreciate your advice. It's not a standard situation. I have sent emails, etc. I document all my contact when it turns bad. And you are right, nothing other than a judge will maker her do anything. His grandfather and others have seen the fits. She wants to believe it's everyone elses problem with how they interact with him.

[Trevor]

I would call the police if she interferes in that passive-aggressive rubbish way "I didn't STOP him from going." The child is less likely to act out in front of a cop, and might say "my mom says I don't have to go" or something, witnessed by the cop. And your recorder (but NEVER let the cop know you are recording). Walking away and letting her get away with it is not a good option. (Meaning, unless you press the issue, she wins and you miss parenting time, by simply leaving the premises. NOT acceptable.)

Maybe Gma/Gpa coming along might mitigate things. Anytime my daughters thought about throwing a tantrum, I asked them calmly, "when you act that way, is it helping you to get what you want?" The answer must be a definitive and resounding NO (as it was for my kids). Stopping by the ice cream shop and getting a treat for the ONE child who is behaving might work if there are 2 kids in the car, not sure if that's the case.

[Rocko1]

I would call the police if she interferes in that passive-aggressive rubbish way "I didn't STOP him from going." The child is less likely to act out in front of a cop, and might say "my mom says I don't have to go" or something, witnessed by the cop. And your recorder (but NEVER let the cop know you are recording). Walking away and letting her get away with it is not a good option. (Meaning, unless you press the issue, she wins and you miss parenting time, by simply leaving the premises. NOT acceptable.)

Maybe Gma/Gpa coming along might mitigate things. Anytime my daughters thought about throwing a tantrum, I asked them calmly, "when you act that way, is it helping you to get what you want?" The answer must be a definitive and resounding NO (as it was for my kids). Stopping by the ice cream shop and getting a treat for the ONE child who is behaving might work if there are 2 kids in the car, not sure if that's the case.

Yeah, police in my city now do not respond to custody issues. They simply refer you to the court.

The big problem is there is something going on with my son and I need to get to the bottom of it. I just don't know how far I go in the meantime physically forcing him when it turns into a big altercation. When he is in that mood, no talking works.

[Trevor]

Personally, he gets his petulant carcass into the car and shuts his pie hole. If he is too big for a car seat, just get him buckled in and go. I know, easier said than done, but if you allow the little snot-factory to win, well, he wins AND you lose. Bait the car with his fav snacks, plan on going first to his fav place to eat, whatever, just get him away from the X. I know it is heart-wrenching but you are the adult and he's a minor child. YOU set the rules.

[Rocko1]

Personally, he gets his petulant carcass into the car and shuts his pie hole. If he is too big for a car seat, just get him buckled in and go. I know, easier said than done, but if you allow the little snot-factory to win, well, he wins AND you lose. Bait the car with his fav snacks, plan on going first to his fav place to eat, whatever, just get him away from the X. I know it is heart-wrenching but you are the adult and he's a minor child. YOU set the rules.

It's not about heart wrenching. It's about having a brawl with your 9 year old and trying not to hurt him as he tries to hurt you. There is something wrong of course. But I agree. I just don't know how the courts view the manhandling.

[lohe]

It's not about heart wrenching. It's about having a brawl with your 9 year old and trying not to hurt him as he tries to hurt you. There is something wrong of course. But I agree. I just don't know how the courts view the manhandling.

Legally if he's a danger to himself (he could hurt himself throwing a serious fit at 9) you have the right to restrain him [double check state laws but I'm pretty sure this is universal]. I would ask the court to allow you to take him to a therapist. This is not headed in a good direction if he does not get some help.

[Rocko1]

It's not about heart wrenching. It's about having a brawl with your 9 year old and trying not to hurt him as he tries to hurt you. There is something wrong of course. But I agree. I just don't know how the courts view the manhandling.

Legally if he's a danger to himself (he could hurt himself throwing a serious fit at 9) you have the right to restrain him [double check state laws but I'm pretty sure this is universal]. I would ask the court to allow you to take him to a therapist. This is not headed in a good direction if he does not get some help.

Thanks for the reply. Yes, in the process of getting order changed to take him. She is very dirty and will use anything she thinks will make me look bad.