How Game Saved My Marriage

[WifeVersion2.0]

I know I'm one of the few women that post on this board and I'm hoping I don't get slammed for posting on this particular post.

I just wanted to say that what has been mentioned here is VERY true. I think it all boils down to respect and women RESPECT men that act like MEN. Women don't like men that allow them to walk all over them. My ex husband did just that. Once I figured it out, it was like a game of my own. How far could I go before he would get upset? How late could I stay out before he would care enough to get mad at me? We play games of our own. I wanted to save our marriage and I BEGGED him to be the MAN OF THE HOUSE. He couldn't or wouldn't do it. It was a huge factor in our declining marriage. Most of my girlfriends have griped at one time or another about this VERY SAME scenario! We might say we want to be in charge but we really do NOT want all the responsibility!!

My current marriage is based on RESPECT and TRUST with a little bit of MYSTERY. Ex: My DH's phone goes off, I ask who it is, his reply: "that's my other girlfriend" I TRUST him completely and KNOW that it's not another girl but this is his way of telling me "it's none of your business, you're invading my space". The same game is played when I'm getting a text or phone call. He doesn't get whiney or defensive or pissed. He just turns into a mind game and I don't care if your woman is a NJ or Sane....they all love a little bit of that. There are stunts I pulled with my ex that I wouldn't DREAM of doing with my current DH. Why? Because I KNOW in no uncertain terms that he would have my < edited > packed and waiting by the LOCKED front door when I got home. Not because he is abusive or contolling or an A*% but because he has always commanded my respect and has always shown me the same.

OK, so there's a woman's perspective. Don't be too harsh on me please!

[Lawrence]

Example:

Two minutes after getting home you sit down on the couch. She comes at you and says, "Are you going to just sit there on the couch like a slob all night instead of paying attention to your family?"

Here's a strategy that often works. When she says this stuff, I just say, yeah, Hun, I'll be with you in a sec, or I'll talk to you about it in a sec, then wait till she goes off in a huff to do something else. I'll give it a few minutes and then go find what she is doing and interupt her with a hug or a kiss on the neck, or something like that, and then pull her away from whatever it is she is doing. She'll generally push away to go finish her task but I don't let her. I take charge and pull her away to engage in some small or large intimate activity, which activity we pursue is situationally dependent.

She really likes it when I pull myself away from my personal stuff, and then take charge in pulling her away from her personal stuff, to give her some dedicated special attentions.

This tactic worked for the eX-NJ as well as the new spouse. But NJ was crazy, and tactic like this can't fix crazy.

[Trevor]

Now THAT's a good idea.

[Anything4Her]

I'm hoping I don't get slammed for posting on this particular post.

I really don't want to slam you. I hope you'd be willing to give us some insight.

How far could I go before he would get upset? How late could I stay out before he would care enough to get mad at me? We play games of our own. I wanted to save our marriage and I BEGGED him to be the MAN OF THE HOUSE. He couldn't or wouldn't do it. It was a huge factor in our declining marriage. Most of my girlfriends have griped at one time or another about this VERY SAME scenario! We might say we want to be in charge but we really do NOT want all the responsibility!!

It seems like what happened between you and your ex is a common occurrence. I'm curious as to 1) How did it start? Did you realize that he wasn't responding well to your verbal challenges? What was your experience? 2) What were you feelings toward him - originally and then as things started to slide downhill? Did you lose respect for him? Why, and what could he have done?

Please elaborate. I encourage other men on this thread to be gentle. Whatever anger you have towards your exes or STBXs don't need to be vented on this lady.

-A4H

[concernedDad]

Will this theory also work after divorce. She is still tryign to dominate and I am still trying to reason with logic and in the mode of tryign to solve the problem. Will dominance by actually filing all her contempts of courts and legally gettign back at her, make her realize that its worth "stop bothering" me.

[jerry2010]

Will this theory also work after divorce. She is still tryign to dominate and I am still trying to reason with logic and in the mode of tryign to solve the problem. Will dominance by actually filing all her contempts of courts and legally gettign back at her, make her realize that its worth "stop bothering" me.

Search out shock collar treatment on here. I have not seen it used in any posts for a while but has some logic behind it.

[sir_guy]

Y'know, the irony here is that to some of us, this kind of woman is not worth having for a long-term relationship. If a personal relationship is about one person dominating the other, I really have no use for it. I have to play "Game" at work -- on both men and women -- all day every day, since I'm the boss in a high-productivity project-based environment.

What y'all are pointing out is that most people, both men and women, will push around others if they see an inch of daylight. They will get away with anything and everything they can -- give them an inch, they will take a mile.

It's a very, very rare person who can truly be a 'team' player in a "pair-bond" of equals. But my idea is it's a rare person I'm willing to be in a pair-bond with!

[Southern.Putter]

Will this theory also work after divorce. She is still tryign to dominate and I am still trying to reason with logic and in the mode of tryign to solve the problem. Will dominance by actually filing all her contempts of courts and legally gettign back at her, make her realize that its worth "stop bothering" me.

Once you have become betaized in her eyes and she's lost respect for you, no amount of logic will ever reach her. [In fact, I'll let you in on the true secret of "game": this is entirely about how she feels when she is around you or thinking about you. It's not ever about "logic" at all!] Even as you respond to her with the kind of "dominance" described in your message, you're still _responding_ to her and/or getting revenge with her and are clearly not the leader. She is.

If you ever want to have a chance of gaining any respect from her, stop thinking about her entirely. Figure out who YOU are and what YOU want out of life and then GO AFTER IT without concern for her at all. Otherwise, she will see you as her little puppy on a leash.

In other words, the starting point for whatever you do and whatever you say needs to be in complete and holistic alignment with who you are, not what she says or what she does. That is the only path to inner peace, grasshopper.

[Fatheroffour]

If a personal relationship is about one person dominating the other, I really have no use for it

It's not as much about dominating as it is ending the "What do you want for dinner?" "I don't know, what do you want." BS dance. Somebody needs to take charge.

[formylilgirl]

This sounds like the relationship I had with my wife. Your scenario was what I tried to make happen for the last five years. I am successful, fit, but my wife wanted to control every aspect of my life and became nasty and horrible to me if I didnt comply with her. She was older by 5 years, her a PhD, me no degree but mid six figure earning professional. We were together for 10 years, married for 9. For most of the relationship, I was the low earning beta.. and she really wanted me to be a stay at home dad when our child was born, etc. Within the last three years of the marriage I quadrupled my income, and she got even more controlling and mean. I could not spend any money on myself, and I had to all of sudden put all of our extra money into supporting her sisters real estate investments, and supporting her shrew mother, who she eventually moved into our 1500 sq ft apartment. With a small child none the less. She would get insanely jealous, accuse me of all sorts of things, claw me, hit me, put me down, put my family down, etc. Our fights were awful and the lowest point in my life. On one hand and I had the greatest job in the world, on the other I could not even go home because life there was horrible.

I tried game, read books, went to therapy, did all I could to get along with her. I wanted it to work and I tried everything. She did nothing. Read no books. Went to no therapy. Just kept being the selfish self centered person she always was. I tried treating her this way with game, but if I did she became even more angry and mean, and would not respond accordingly, she just turned into a bigger < female dog >. I actually used game to attract her, it was actually really easy.