The List

[Helplessly_Abused]

I am sorry for being a complete MORON - but when people reference "THE LIST" - are you just referring to everything under the resources section.

Dad's Guide to Divorce
State Divorce Info
Legal Dictionary
etc

Or is there a link called "The List" that I am just missing. Don't flame me too bad.

[TooNice]

Link to "The List": http://www.dadsdivorce.com/father_divor ... hp?t=13374

I think it's the collective knowledge of the past and present posters here regarding what to do when your marriage is on the cusp of a nasty divorce.

I'ts not for every situation, such as mine. However, I'll bet there are planty of men who wished thay had followed these steps instead of some last minute attempts to save the marriage or trying to "do the right thing". These steps are for a war.

*Edit to fix the link to the list

[dadsdivorce]

Since many folks are referred to "The List", I will stick this up at the top for now. Follow the link provided in the post above this one.

Do keep in mind, however, that "The List" was a post by a forum user and is not necessarily endorsed by DadsDivorce.com or by Cordell & Cordell.

Everyone's case is different and any application of "The List" in your situation should first be discussed with your attorney!

[WiserNotOlder]

I read the whole list. I have to say that I was pretty shocked to see many of the things I saw. It clearly looks like that "list" encourages us to screw over the STBXW at all costs, no matter whether or not it will be detrimental to the children of the M.
I could have never in good conscience done many of the things suggested on that list. How could I look my children in the eyes after intentionally screwing over their Mother ?

I love my children too , with all my heart, but treating their Mother in that fashion is just plain WRONG. I mean not unless the Mother was a junkie or a REAL abuser ....not a "fabricated" one.
For anyone that would follow that list , I advise you to think long and hard before you do. Don't forget , some day our children will be older and the whole truth will come out . I for one wouldn't want my children to hate me later in life for the things I did to their Mother when they were younger.

My STBXW are in the middle of a D now , it isn't "nasty" but it isn't the most pleasant thing I've ever gone through either. All that matters is what is best for my children.


Is THIS what some of us have been reduced to ??
I am shaking my head over this one.

[Thoughts?]

Ever lost your a$$ets cuz you let your ex drive a car still in your name & she totalled it out & put someone in a hospital while drinking?

Ever had her raid your credit card for $14k while telling you she wanted to reconcile, paying her legal bill?

After being told counseling was the desire, ever showed up at an airport at 7pm on a Friday to get served while walking off a plane, with no access to counsel, the locks changed on the house, the kids staying in another city with whereabouts unknown, and <$50 left in your checking account?

When they decide one is not worthy of their affections any longer, a switch gets thrown, and you are evil. Kids are used as weapons, child kidnapping takes place, money stolen, medical care & record access denied, schools changed without notice, liabilities incurrend, lies told in open court to secure emergency orders, property stolen or damaged, you name it.

What the List lists is the experiences real people have enountered, and the real things they have had to do to protect themselves.

How it needs to be applied is on a case by case basis, with a touch of common sense determining if each circ is warranted. I.E., in many places, if you don't get her off your car titles & liability insurance as soon as possible, you can remain liable for her actions.

Also in many places, any changes to life or health insurance is frowned upon by the courts & can look malicious. So directions on the List pertaining to changes of insurance coverage needs to be done with an eye torwards your jurisdiction, court perception, and temp orders. But the advice is nevertheless valid and should be heeded by many guys. Personally, I had my ex try to defraud my employer's health plan 3 months after divorce, and had I not taken steps to divest myself of her, and my employer not already concluded she was nuts due to other actions, it could have been career destroying.

If you can avoid having to take any steps described, and maintain totally amicable relationships, more power to you.

My bet is the friendliness will wane when you want something other than what she wants, and that some of this advice will apply to you. Talk to us in 6 months.

[dadsdivorce]

Here is a Cordell & Cordell family law attorney's take on The List:

http://www.dadsdivorce.com/articles/fac ... vorce.html