is this extortion or am I over reacting

[peters]

State of NJ

STBX is Filing for divorce.

Married for 5 years, living together for 5 years, although the last 18 months in separate rooms.

Nothing of any substance at all has been accumulated over those 5 years...no kids, no assets, etc.

I have the mortgage in my name on a house I bought 7 years before we met.

She works, full time...our salaries are for the most part equal.

We have lived pretty much two separate lives except the roof over our heads has been paid by me. She did help in paying some but not all of the utilities.

Now...she is demanding $6000.00 from me to move out. She has come to this figure based on rent security, a months rent and the need to buy furniture.

Of course I have offered any of the furniture in the home we are in...but she wants no part of it.

Is this a form of extortion...or will a judge/court agree with her?

[Fatheroffour]

You would probably be a wise move to set her up in a new place, get the divorce/separation signed off on and done and consider it money well spent to get rid of her.


Or you can roll the dice and fight it out. I hear there are poor starving attorneys kids in New Jersey that need shoes and food.


But no, I doubt a judge will consider it extortion.

[BubbaGumpShrimp]

Will she sign a marital separation agreement if you give her the $6,000? Do you have the $6,000 to throw at her (if not cash on hand...401k funds via QDRO)? If so...do it. My marriage was only 11 months (separated at the moment) and I would throw that amount of money at her tomorrow if it would get rid of her for good.

The alternative is that you can spend that amount of money (or more) fighting it out with her. Pull off the band-aid now...get rid of her...and move on with your life. This is the part that some people have a hard time wrapping their head around. "But...but...but...she doesn't DESERVE the money!" Who gives a **** what she deserves? She's going to get more than that if you dick around and let the courts decide things for you.

[peters]

Yes she will sign an agreement that says I will give her $6000.

I can come up with $3000, but she says if that is all I can give her then she is off to a lawyer.....which of course she says I will have to pay for hers as well as mine

now the lawyers get to make some......

[soccer rocker]

Odds are pretty strong she's entitled to a hell of a lot more than 6k so if that's what it takes to buy her out consider yourself one the luckiest SOBs in the world.

[hanzblinx]

I'd pay 6 grand to get rid of a mother in law alone. Consider losing the wife a bonus on top of that.

[BubbaGumpShrimp]

Yes she will sign an agreement that says I will give her $6000.

I can come up with $3000, but she says if that is all I can give her then she is off to a lawyer.....which of course she says I will have to pay for hers as well as mine

now the lawyers get to make some......

You have $3,000 in cash on hand...or that's all you can come up with? Come up with the other $3,000 by whatever means necessary. Beg, borrow, or steal it if you have to. Sell stuff (i.e. electronics, ammunition, hock your ring, cash out stocks/retirement plans, etc.). Take a cash advance on a credit card (or take one out if you don't have one). Seriously...come up with that money and get rid of her NOW.

You can avoid one hell of a miserable experience if you sit down and focus on coming up with that money. A divorce sucks enough as it is. You have the chance to have it over with before it's really begun.

To put it in perspective. I was only with my wife for 11 months (separated now). To date...this separation/divorce has cost me WELL OVER $6,000 and I've only been separated for ~four months. $1,355/month for a mortgage on a house that I can't use, $450/month on utilities, $431 month on health insurance, $209/month on her car, and $116/month on her car insurance. That's not counting the $3,000+ that I've already spend on attorney fees (I'm due to pay another $2,500).

I guarantee that you'll be on the hook for more than the amount above if you let her dig her heels in. Hell...if she files and asks for it...one of two things will happen: 1. She'll get sole use of YOUR HOUSE (temporarily), or 2. You'll be on the hook for helping her to fund her apartment anyways. Think about it man.

All she's got to do to make #1 stick for months is say that you hit her. You'll get escorted off the property by LEO's, a protective order placed on you, and you'll have to go crash on a friends sofa.

Edit: Do one of two things. 1. Pay her the $6,000. or 2. If you can't come up with the $6,000...wait until she leaves the house to go somewhere, change the locks, and deny her access. At least that way...regardless of what happens in the short term, you'll have a roof over your head.

[CCR]

NJ's are extra crazy when it comes to money. I read a person's story on another site where the NJ was owed $150K in arrears and a property settlement, and over the years had spent $200K trying to enforce the order. They said they would never quit trying to get the money no matter the cost....they were going to make him "responsible."

Or, on smaller terms, when my MIL asked why I bought tomatoes at a close to my home grocery store, when I could have purchased some for .20 less a lb. at a store 30 miles away.

I could have saved .60 to spend $12 more in gas.

[BubbaGumpShrimp]

NJ's are extra crazy when it comes to money. I read a person's story on another site where the NJ was owed $150K in arrears and a property settlement, and over the years had spent $200K trying to enforce the order. They said they would never quit trying to get the money no matter the cost....they were going to make him "responsible."

Or, on smaller terms, when my MIL asked why I bought tomatoes at a close to my home grocery store, when I could have purchased some for .20 less a lb. at a store 30 miles away.

I could have saved .60 to spend $12 more in gas.

Yup...."it's the principle of it." People can get ridiculous about that where divorces are concerned.

[Fatheroffour]

Not just divorces. It's a component of human nature.

I remember reading some game theory stuff a while back where player A would spend their resources to cost playerB their resources even though player A received no benefit from it. It fact, not only did it not benefit them, it cost them.

Evil. Envy. Bitterness. Or to used Trevors new term he brought to the table, assholishness. Whatever you want to call it, people have a dark side.