Parenting Plan Done, Need Help With Finances

[gr8dad]

My STBX and I decided to go the “Collaborative Law” approach to our separation and divorce. We have just about completed the Parenting Plan, which I insisted we do FIRST, and I will have true 50/50 alternating weeks with my children. I could not be happier and appreciate her fairness on this, we both love our children very much and recognize that. Now that the Parenting Plan is done we’ll be moving on to finances. My wife and her attorney’s approach is to use a spreadsheet to list her monthly living expenses and her monthly net income, then expect me to make up the difference between child support and alimony. Her monthly net income is less than the cost necessary to cover the basics like rent, utilities, groceries, etc. In Collaborative Law everything is negotiable. The bills (rent/mortgage, groceries, utilities, car payment/insurance, etc.) are straight forward and I don’t really have a problem with them. I have no problem contributing fairly so my children have a safe place to be while they are with her and food to eat. They have, however, listed other expenses I don’t know how to handle or address like monthly expenses/contribution for a yearly vacation, clothing for the children, clothing for HER, dining out, entertainment, cell phone, her monthly credit card payment, gifts (recorded for Christmas/Birthdays), personal grooming, etc. I understand if I make up only the difference for necessary living expenses (rent, utilities, groceries, etc.) that it would leave her with no money at all for anything else like haircuts, a birthday gift, a movie with the kids, any new clothes for the kids (or her), etc. I’m trying to get my hands around how much beyond the necessary living expenses is reasonable for some of the other things, or what items I should say need to go. I got the Parenting Plan I wanted at 50/50, so I don’t want to jeopardize that by being at an impasse on the finances, but if I make up what they are asking for I would not be able to pay my own living basic living expenses. Any thoughts appreciated.

[Fatheroffour]

My wife and her attorney’s approach is to use a spreadsheet to list her monthly living expenses and her monthly net income, then expect me to make up the difference between child support and alimony.

Ridiculous.

Why not tally up your monthly expenses for maintaining the exact same home wifey is living in and see how much left over you have to play with. What about wifeys contribution? How much overtime is she willing to put in at her job for her personal grooming expenses?

You are fixing to find out why collaborative divorces rarely work as advertised. Because someone is fixing to take a screwing.

Is it going to be you?

[BartSimpson]

"Collabrative Law" is just a marketing term.

A divorce by any other name is still a divorce.

And it appears you do not have an attorney, and are a sucker for marketing terms.

Better fix that.

[minuette]

First, get a lawyer.

Then, ask your lawyer the questions you posed here.

One thing about her income: is she taking into account any federal/state tax credits she would be eligible for if she claimed one or more children as dependents? You need to run tax simulations with various filing/dependent scenarios, to come up with an optimum aggregate net income. Once the optimum net is determined, then you can look at how much is going to her and how much more she might need to provide the children with basic necessities (housing, food, clothing, education).

[Chosen2Dad]

Get a lawyer before you get screwed financially...you got the most important piece out of the way and squared, so lock that in place if possible before going into the financial side.

Everything is up for negotiation...how long have you been married? And it's going to be on a child support scale as well.

[Chosen2Dad]

Get a lawyer before you get screwed financially...you got the most important piece out of the way and squared, so lock that in place if possible before going into the financial side.

Everything is up for negotiation...how long have you been married? And it's going to be on a child support scale as well.

[Bubba Seal]

She has a lawyer and you dont, bad bad bad.

DITTO GET A LAWYER, and throw the same scenario back at her that she is throwing at you, she wants to be divorced and get the same deal she has now! Open your eyes man!

[RC211V]

Find out what the equation in your state says for child support and, if there is a guideline on it, spousal support. Start from there, don't listen to her or anybody that isn't on your side.

[gr8dad]

Thanks for the input, you guys are great. We both have attorneys in this process, although they let us work out the details of the Parenting Plan since it has been uncontested. I know I will have to rely more heavily on my attorney for the finances. Our state does have very clear CS guidelines, so I agree that will be the place to start. If that doesn't make up the expected difference then it will be time to start cutting those "other" line items which I have now added exactly the same to my income-expense statement so they see how it looks on paper when on BOTH sides.