Extra money to stbx.

[massdaddio]

Instead of giving her cash, can you give her grocery store or gas gift cards or buy clothes for your kids? That way it's more of a gift and not really support.

[stretchkr]

Instead of giving her cash, can you give her grocery store or gas gift cards or buy clothes for your kids? That way it's more of a gift and not really support.

Not bad.... Its a much better idea.

[justlarry]

If that small amount will get the process settled fast i would go for it.
Not make it alimony (spousal support) in writing. The tax deduction on $130 is minimal and by getting it in writing might create something she can modify up in the future. Even if she lost it would cost thousands to fight a future modification.

I would start out with cash and no paper trail. Once divorce is done and signed and you want to still help I would change the cash into extra direct help for the kids that they show they have earned such as good grades or sports/clubs/activities they normally would not afford without your extra help. Let the Ex wear the big girl panties and let the kids learn rewards for hard work.

[defaultuser]

If I were you I'd just wrap that up in the child support calcs. Don't call in an 'extra', just negotiate CS at that amount.

Then, if you get tired of overpaying down the road, you can always modify CS. This small amount will be insignificant. If/when you go about your normal life, your income will probably change. Hopefully it will go up, which will just mean that you may get out of increasing support at your next modification because you're slightly overpaying now.

As for getting involved in your X's business by giving her grocery cards or something - don't. Its sooooo much easier to not be involved in your X's personal finance. Trying to assert some control over her is foolish and counterproductive to having a good relationship in the future.

[justlarry]

defaultuser- This may sound picky but it is the truth. Everytime I paid my child support (on time/every time) and the Ex would actually do what she was suppose to do (rarely) and spend it on the kids it was always "Look what Mommy got for me". An example would be back to school clothes. Smiling kids because of how nice and how mommy loves them by buying back to school clothes. Last thing I would ever do is try to explain that all that nice and love came from Dad.

stretchkr-Pay the CS as agreed and spend time creating nice moments yourself like shopping for back to school clothes with them yourself with the extra $$. We always complain that the courts just view dads as a wallet/ATM. Lets prove we are not. Lets create memories for taking the kids for what they need ourselves or showing up at the extra curricular activities we pay for above the basic CS.

[defaultuser]

defaultuser- This may sound picky but it is the truth. Everytime I paid my child support (on time/every time) and the Ex would actually do what she was suppose to do (rarely) and spend it on the kids it was always "Look what Mommy got for me". An example would be back to school clothes. Smiling kids because of how nice and how mommy loves them by buying back to school clothes. Last thing I would ever do is try to explain that all that nice and love came from Dad.

stretchkr-Pay the CS as agreed and spend time creating nice moments yourself like shopping for back to school clothes with them yourself with the extra $$. We always complain that the courts just view dads as a wallet/ATM. Lets prove we are not. Lets create memories for taking the kids for what they need ourselves or showing up at the extra curricular activities we pay for above the basic CS.

I understand what you're saying, but its just not useful to try and dictate how the child support recipient spends the money. She's free to go out and spend it all on beer and cigarettes, her BF, or whatever she should choose to. It sucks, but it is the way it is.

I know I'm so much more than a wallet/ATM for my kids. Unfortunately, in this society, we have to be both a wallet/ATM and parent, while women can just take on the parenting role. My X pays for nothing, except an occasional inappropriate clothing for my kids. I pay for everything for them, and 10k a year in child support and have them at least 50% of the time. Believe me, I feel the pain. Unfortunately, if you want credit for spending the money, you have to keep it, and to do that, you need to get primary custody.

[justlarry]

I understand what you're saying, but its just not useful to try and dictate how the child support recipient spends the money. She's free to go out and spend it all on beer and cigarettes, her BF, or whatever she should choose to. It sucks, but it is the way it is.

I agree 100% with Defaultuser. That is why if given the opportunity make court ordered CS as lillte as possible and take that extra money and remain in your kids lives by discussing with them what they need and discussing what will happen with extra money that they earn. Don't take the learning experience out of the situation for them as they grow and learn. Hard work gets you rewards.