Alimony advise

[modad]

I am going through a very nasty divorce- was married for 18 years with 2 kids 17,15.
18 years of emotional, financial torture, domestic abuse ....as if it was not enough-my divorce has been going on for 2 years- it has drained me out completely-emotionally,financially, mentally -it has been devastating!!!
Both are in good profession, but she had been working only part time for the kids....
My income is approximately 250-300k & she has "claimed" that she makes only 50k (she always used to hide her income during marriage & maintain separate accounts & did not contribute single penny to household expenses)........
My problem is i do not mind paying more now, but cannot afford to live with this headache of dealing with her in terms of alimony for long time.......
Any idea how much alimony, child support should be appropriate for such cases.....
Anyone with similar experience-please help me out.......with suggestions, tips, laws, rights, guidelines which protects men from such torture ???......
This is in New jersey state....

This is a torture---you suffer throughout your marriage, she files for divorce, you pay her half of your lifetime earnings & still cant get rid of her & continue to work hard to earn for her for rest of your lives........Is this fair

[Groundhogday]

e with this headache of dealing with her in terms of alimony for long time.......
Any idea how much alimony, child support should be appropriate for such cases.....
Anyone with similar experience-please help me out.......with suggestions, tips, laws, rights, guidelines which protects men from such torture ???......
This is in New jersey state....

New Jersey has a standard online calculator for child support, including residential credit.

I don't know much about maintenance in Jersey, but in most states that can vary wildly. Since you have an 18-year marriage, wife only works part time (she can't work full time when the kids are in high school?), and you have a high income, I would say you will pay a substantial amount of maintenance.

With that kind of earning power, you have a top notch attorney, right? I'm confused as to why you would be asking us.

[hanzblinx]

I've heard some bad things about NJ. google best of njslave, the guy pays 9 years at 50K/year alimony. On top of 26K/yr child support.

worth consulting a lawyer for sure. a good one.

[tom kirkpatrick]

I've heard real horror stories about how New Jersey is one of the more brutal states for fathers.

Given your situation, I strongly urge you to avoid divorce altogether or relocate to a father-friendly state, like Texas.

With things the way they are now, she's gonna own you for life, Bro.

Translation = You're locked in with no way out. That's how it works in New Jersey.

Tom

[modad]

Wife do have capacity to work full time, avoided doin so her whole life with the
excuse of children.. One kid will be going to college this year & another
one in last year of school. She is in medical profession as well.
I am already going through divorce, so moving is not an option.
Any tips or links, websites which would give guidance regarding
this - how to cut down the alimony ...Link for child support calculator.
I do not mind the kids responsibility at all , but just want to be out
of his headache of Alimony in future as it would be a torture to deal
with her even after divorce.
Also, any tips on how to end he divorce sooner.... We already have a
Mediator working on his process....

Thanks!!

[CCR]

I would very rarely make the following recommendation, but sometime you have to at least look at what it would be like living in a nation far away that does not recognize US family law....if you get my drift.

There's no way I'd be a slave to my ex wife forever.

[hanzblinx]

I would very rarely make the following recommendation, but sometime you have to at least look at what it would be like living in a nation far away that does not recognize US family law....if you get my drift.

There's no way I'd be a slave to my ex wife forever.

I VERY seriously considered leaving the country, I have lived abroad and speak another language fluently. Colorado legislation requires 40% of your gross income as alimony during temp orders, on top of CS. Heck of a price to pay a cheating spouse for her adultery. Plus she took the kids out of state during divorce and I was fighting to get them back home, the court wasn't helping.

At some point it seems better just to start a new life on a new continent. Glad I stayed though, she got pregnant and remarried within months, so I'm living alimony free today.

[modad]

I had been thinking about it too...But right now, I am stuck with the divorce process which is taking forever.....
Does any one have the link to childsupport calculator -nj or alimony calculator, which would guide regarding this...How much should I expect ?/

[minuette]

Where is your lawyer? Please don't tell me you do not have legal representation, you would be insane not to have a solid attorney on this given your first post.

[modad]

I have a lawyer, but want to be well aware of all the facts before
this stage comes.... After all, it's all about money- lawyers, her...
Case is just getting dragged & I m the only one losing money.....
So want to know about it from people like me who has gone through
This torture & can understand me......
Thanks!!!