Child care payments put in bank account instead of used?

[jmcnamara]

I know that my ex is taking my child care payments and giving them to her parents who are putting them into an account. My ex works part-time and is always available to drive my son to and from school, so child care has never been used. We have a hearing set up to eliminate the child care payment (since he's 13), but I'm wondering if I can get any of that money back since it wasn't ever used as intended by the court?

My attorney intends to ask for receipts, tax returns of the grandparents, actual hours worked, etc. to prove that she not only didn't use the money, but didn't need it either.

Has anyone heard of someone scamming the system like this before? I never had a say in any of this "child care," even though I'm a legal guardian. I'm also not able to see my son because she has completely alienated him from me.

[defaultuser]

Typically, you fight this battle when it comes up, not years later, but you can ask the court to order that your child goes to 'real' child care instead of grandparents if you're paying for it.

As far as the alienation, have you kept up your time with your kid, and done everything possible to stay in his life? I'm guessing no. This isn't to beat you over the head with it, but accepting responsibility for your part is a good first step in getting the problem fixed.

[Fatheroffour]

If it's never been used then I'm not following why you've been paying.

Not sure about getting the money back but if they say "I was going to use it for his college" you might be successful in getting it converted to a 529 plan.

[Ringless]

Like in any court financial/loans situation, it will likely be up to the state laws as well as how the judge feels like handling it. Rulings from judge to judge vary so dramatically. Hopefully you got one that can see it from your side.

[Mossyhorns]

All I have ever heard from around here is it doesn't matter what it is used for, the state has as chart based on your pay and number of children, and it is in the best interest of the child for it to be payed, never heard anyone get a favorable result trying to say the other parent doesn't need it, no matter what they use it for. If you come out in your favor let us know, this is interesting.

[jmcnamara]

When she first told me she was giving it to her parents to put into an account, I took her back to court to get it reduced. She boo-hooed and said she had to go back to work full-time, so the court continued it, despite my objections and despite the fact that she never actually went back to work full-time. I didn't think I could appeal. Now he's 13 and is old enough to legally babysit other kids (per our state laws) and she still wants me to continue paying daycare, even though I KNOW she's still not using the money for that. I have objected in writing to her parents watching him in the past but she has ignored me. They are 78 and 83 years old and supposedly in and out of the hospital a lot, like every time I want to take him on vacation, when my family's in town, etc. Yet she still thinks they are capable day care providers.

In my state, child support and child care are two separate payments. My attorney says that there's a statute that states that the portion attributed to child care must be used for child care. Reducing that portion of it doesn't reduce my child support obligation. In essence, she's getting 30% more than she should be because she lied to the court. I'll still be paying over $1500 a month, even if the day care part goes away.

We're headed into mediation in the next month, in advance of a hearing, because her attorney has indicated that she will still need day care for him for the foreseeable future. Of course, if she'd let me see him, I could provide the "day care" he needs for free.

Yeah, I should have hopped on this sooner. I know that. It's hard to admit that I've let her bully and manipulate me into doing everything she asks, just to keep the peace. It's time for that to stop, though.

[Bubba Seal]

Good Luck