Is this allowed??

[jah492]

I've recently posted that I won a custody battle against my ex girlfriend. I was awarded joint physical, residential parent, no child support payments, and 50/50 custody. She filed a motion to amend and the judge immediately denied it. His judgment is now final.

She's livid that she lost, so yesterday was my son's first day of preschool. I was set to pick him up at 3. When I got to his school, mom was with him in the parking lot waiting for me! Wednesdays and Thursdays are my days, along with every other weekend. Can she pick up our son on my days, even though she didn't take him off of school grounds? I wanted to pick him up in his classroom like normal dads do.

I don't want to see her....that's why I dumped her. She's a lunatic and is only doing this for control. If I send her an email about it asking her not to interfere, she'll say something like "i'm his mother and I will always be there for him" blah blah.

The school knows our schedule, so should I tell them not to release him to her on my days, or does that make me look bad when she'll eventually take me back to court. Anyone with experience with this? Advice?

[blueTexas]

So long as she doesn't interfere with his schooling and does not block your custody on days you have him, I don't see a reason to get upset, although she's pushing her luck so to speak. Note that you can do the same on her custodial days- but it's better to avoid any fights.

[minuette]

Document this, every time it happens, in a brief email to her:

When I arrived at school today at [time], I saw that you were waiting in the parking lot with [child], having already signed him out. I object to this intrusion into my parenting time; please respect my efforts to establish a consistent routine with [child] and a relationship with the school staff.

(adjust email to suit, but keep it brief and the tone businesslike)

After that, RADIO SILENCE. Do not engage in further discussion of the topic. Every time she picks him up, send the email. Do not deviate in the wording. Meanwhile, when you see her, be civil but ignore her as much as possible. If she attempts conversation, respond with, "If you wish to discuss something about [child], please send me an email."

When she spews a bunch of BS via email, respond to anything that is relevant in a brief and businesslike manner. Anything else, don't take the bait - IGNORE.

Wash, rinse, repeat.

[jah492]

Thanks for the replies. I like the email that you suggest. Did you experience the same thing, or is that suggestion from the wisdom of your years? I guess I'm torn between "picking my battles" and standing my ground when I feel like she is interfering. I just won a huge case and would hate to blow it and have the judge upset at me for telling her she cannot see her son on my days. It's tough to know the right thing to do in this situation.

[Fatheroffour]

It's tough to know the right thing to do in this situation.

Does little squirt like seeing his mom? He'd probably like to see dad similarly. Work towards the goal that you can both see kiddo whenever reasonable. Ideally, the kiddo will have both mom and dad looking for ways kiddo can enjoy both of them rather than looking for reasons to keep the other away.

It'll take work to get there and you never may but ideally that is where you want to be. You have many many years attached to each other. Work on ways to dial back the conflict rather than inflame it.

[jah492]

Sound logic, as well. Great....now I'm torn more than ever.

[Trevor]

She is depriving you of the chance to have that occasional chat with the teacher with Junior holding your hand. But I guess you can always walk him back into the school to greet the teacher, who certainly needs to know who you are.