Experience with Changing Plan?

[Cal JD]

Two sons 13 and 10. Joint custody every-other-week. Children always attended school halfway between houses, which are about 80 minutes apart. Oldest asked to live with mom on all schooldays starting this year (8th grade). Mom recently decreed he must attend school near her house -- small country school, son knows no one there, and doesn't want to attend. Oldest told mom that if she was going to make him change schools, then he'd rather stay with every other week to continue attending his old school. Mom responded today that she will no longer drive either child to their school halfway between houses, the oldest must attend school near her because he chose to live with her, and that the youngest should also live with her and attend school there. If not, then the youngest should live solely with me (breaking up the brothers). Me moving is not an option (I am remarried and my wife's work requires her to live where we do).

What would serve the children best would be for them to continue their usual schools, the oldest live during the week with mom, and the youngest continue every other week. Per mom, this is no longer an option. The remaining options are 1) oldest with mom during the week, youngest with me during the week, and the boys together at one or the other house on weekends; 2) both boys live with mom and attend a new school (which is in the country, 20 minutes from mom's house but with access via school bus); 3) both boys live with me and attend their usual school halfway between the houses.

I can only imagine how stressed the kids are right now and that's heartbreaking.

I'm disinclined to have them both with mom for several reasons, having mostly to do with differences in values around family, health, school, spirituality, community, etc. I don't want to dishonor our eldest's desire to live in his mom's house on schooldays, or dishonor his desire to attend the school he knows, and I don't know how he feels about his choices now that his mom's removed every-other-week as an option.

Feedback from anyone who's lived through this type of situation or one of these custody options would be great.

[defaultuser]

Seems like your X is unwilling to compromise. Your only option is then, "lets stick to the decree" or go to court over it.

Why does your oldest want to stay with mom during the week?

[Cal JD]

The decree is every other week, changing on Fridays. The boys are with me starting Friday. School starts Monday, so I can take them the first week. Not sure what happens when it's mom's week and she's refusing to take them to their usual school.

Why does the oldest want to stay with mom? He has a good bond with both parents. At 13, I think it's natural to want to live in just one house during the schoolweek, and I think it's natural that his first choice would be with his mom, especially given his age and gender, and being the firstborn. If he lives with her now, then I expect in a year or two he will decide to live with me.

She's always been difficult.

[defaultuser]

he decree is every other week, changing on Fridays. The boys are with me starting Friday. School starts Monday, so I can take them the first week. Not sure what happens when it's mom's week and she's refusing to take them to their usual school.

IDK? What happens? Love to see it. My guess is that she brings them to school, but if she enrolls him in a different school and takes him there instead, she may lose custody when you file an emergency motion...

Taking a kid out of school that he's gone to for the last few years after he started because you want to pull a hissy fit isn't going to look favorable by the court.