My X insists on my GF watching kids while I am out of town.

[creative1]

Me and my GF have been living together for 5 years. I occaasionally have to take jobs out of town for days or weeks at a time. I have joint custody and pay my X support even though she makes 5 times more than me. There are times I am out of work and still have to pay support as I can't collect unemployement. Regardless I take the boys 3 sometimes 4 days a week for her as she says she needs TIME ALONE with HER BF of one year. She has told me she keeps her relationship with her BF seperate from the boys. I am not sure why this is. So my boys have VERY limited contact with this man I have met just a few times. They are both professionals working for the same huge company.
Anyway I am out of town for 5 days and will be landing a full time regular job as soon as I return. However my X keeps asking me to have my GF watch the boys for her because of her "needed" time alone with her BF. I am happy she has moved on finally and was hoping this person would make her happy. Instead it has screwed up her priorities in the worst way and has caused her to make very bad judgement calls with the kids. The boys are unhappy about her relationship with him as they know she is putting this man first...and has told the boys HER LIFE WITH HIM IS PRIVATE...
So..
Now she is relying on MY GF to watch the boys for her. In order to keep the peace I have asked my GF to do this as well. She does not want to nor does she feel obligated to. She keeps repeating how its THE MOTHERS responsiblity to care for her kids and to quit putting her needs before her childrens. Which I do agree to. What I am nervous about is can my X take me to court over this? Can she deny my custody or increase my payments because my GF wont take the boys for her?
I am trying to talk my GF into understanding the situation. However she doesn't and never has kids of her own. She doesn't care for my X and keeps insisting that she steps up and behaves like a parent and puts her boys first. I know she has a point.
Can the X take me to court over this?

[chereeda]

I am trying to talk my GF into understanding the situation. However she doesn't and never has kids of her own. She doesn't care for my X and keeps insisting that she steps up and behaves like a parent and puts her boys first. I know she has a point.
Can the X take me to court over this?

And how long will it be before your girlfriend dumps you?

donna

[creative1]

I am afraid of that too. I know sometimes I ask way too much of her. I just want my boys to be taken care of and if their mother can't then I do rely on my GF to do it.

I am trying to talk my GF into understanding the situation. However she doesn't and never has kids of her own. She doesn't care for my X and keeps insisting that she steps up and behaves like a parent and puts her boys first. I know she has a point.
Can the X take me to court over this?

And how long will it be before your girlfriend dumps you?

donna

[TransAm]

Your GF is right, she shouldn't be burdened with your kids whether she's had her own or not.

To answer your ? about whether you x can take you to court over this, what would be her platform for a modification? Demanding you take them more? Incredible.

Rather, you are the one who should be initiating the modification of custody, once you are back from your job you are leaving. Let your new job that doesn't include travel enable YOU to care for your own kids, then let 6 months go by, being large and in charge in the childrens lives. Then file for primary custody and cut the child support from you, and make it payable TO you.

You expect too much of your GF.

[creative1]

I would hope she wouldn't consider it to be a burden. She is a part of the boys lives and I do expect her to step up for the sake of the kids every now and then. This is what you do when you are in a relationship with someone that has children. You become involved with the children as well. I don't mean to be harsh so I apolgize if I am sounding so.

Your GF is right, she shouldn't be burdened with your kids whether she's had her own or not.

To answer your ? about whether you x can take you to court over this, what would be her platform for a modification? Demanding you take them more? Incredible.

Rather, you are the one who should be initiating the modification of custody, once you are back from your job you are leaving. Let your new job that doesn't include travel enable YOU to care for your own kids, then let 6 months go by, being large and in charge in the childrens lives. Then file for primary custody and cut the child support from you, and make it payable TO you.

You expect too much of your GF.

[minuette]

What are your current orders for parenting time? Frankly, it should be 50/50 between you and the children's mother, so I'm failing to understand why each of you having parenting time 3/4 days per week (with the other person having "alone time" or whatever) should be a problem.

If your orders are already 50/50 and the mother wants you to take additional parenting time, document the additional parenting time for 3-6 months and file for a modification requesting primary physical custody based upon the status quo.

If your orders state that you get the kids every other weekend plus a few holidays, you should document the additional parenting time and file for a modification that reflects the parenting time you have de facto rather than what's in the orders currently.

If your girlfriend isn't ready to support your parenting efforts full-time if necessary, she shouldn't date a man with children.

I'm actually pretty pleased that the mother is using her parenting time to parent and her alone time to have a social life. That said, the children's mother needs to make alternate child care arrangements if she wants alone time with her boyfriend when you are out of town. She will not prevail on any court motion whose basis is that your girlfriend refuses to care for the children when you are out of town. She can certainly make something up in an effort to reduce your parenting time...but you should be able to pull out a calendar to show when you have parented the children over the last 6-12 months (hint hint).

(If you don't WANT the additional parenting time, and you are in fact COMPLAINING about the additional parenting time, it would be wrong of me to wish that every father on this Board who has to fight for every moment of parenting time they can get could get in line and take turns fisting you until your large intestine falls out. Very wrong.)

[serate]

I would hope she wouldn't consider it to be a burden. She is a part of the boys lives and I do expect her to step up for the sake of the kids every now and then. This is what you do when you are in a relationship with someone that has children. You become involved with the children as well. I don't mean to be harsh so I apolgize if I am sounding so.

Doesn't sound harsh to me. I CHERISHED any and all time I could spend with my hubby's kids. And always tried to give daddy & girls as much time together when daddy was home since I actually spent more time with them when he was at work if he couldn't take vacation and I could. There were a few times the birth vessel found out he was going to be traveling for work and decided it would be ok for them to visit. We never said no. I just can't wrap around my head not taking the kids whenever I could even if my hubby wasn't home. AND we weren't married the first few years so it is't just a "wifey" thing.

But I loved his kids from the moment I met them, and have always had a pretty good relationship with them.

[creative1]

wow..
thats a pretty distubing statement at the end pal.
Was that really necessary?

What are your current orders for parenting time? Frankly, it should be 50/50 between you and the children's mother, so I'm failing to understand why each of you having parenting time 3/4 days per week (with the other person having "alone time" or whatever) should be a problem.

If your orders are already 50/50 and the mother wants you to take additional parenting time, document the additional parenting time for 3-6 months and file for a modification requesting primary physical custody based upon the status quo.

If your orders state that you get the kids every other weekend plus a few holidays, you should document the additional parenting time and file for a modification that reflects the parenting time you have de facto rather than what's in the orders currently.

If your girlfriend isn't ready to support your parenting efforts full-time if necessary, she shouldn't date a man with children.

I'm actually pretty pleased that the mother is using her parenting time to parent and her alone time to have a social life. That said, the children's mother needs to make alternate child care arrangements if she wants alone time with her boyfriend when you are out of town. She will not prevail on any court motion whose basis is that your girlfriend refuses to care for the children when you are out of town. She can certainly make something up in an effort to reduce your parenting time...but you should be able to pull out a calendar to show when you have parented the children over the last 6-12 months (hint hint).

(If you don't WANT the additional parenting time, and you are in fact COMPLAINING about the additional parenting time, it would be wrong of me to wish that every father on this Board who has to fight for every moment of parenting time they can get could get in line and take turns fisting you until your large intestine falls out. Very wrong.)

[massdaddio]

As already mentioned, take all the time she will give you, document it for 6 months, then take her back to court for primary custody. She will have to pay you child support then and she can have more time alone with her BF. If your GF doesn't want to watch your kids, then hire a baby-sitter to give your GF a break, but the time will still count on your side.

[Chosen2Dad]

That GF may not be the mother...but is she gonna be a part of the long term? then I would say those comments would make me wonder...as for you...suck it up..take all the time possible...how are you paying x support when she makes more money?

Keep documenting the communication with your ex....save it..use it against her later...you'll be happy you did..