Do I need a 2 bedroom apartment for the kids?

[better_off]

I have been separated from my wife for a a few months. I've been living in a hotel for the first couple weeks, then back home for a few days, then for the past few months living in a trailer at a family members house.

I've just about worn out my welcome, mainly because the family member I am staying with is tired of my wife's madness, back and forth, controlling me, my money and the kids. Her idea of me getting an apartment was for her to take full control of my paycheck and she said she would "give" me an allowance and tell me what I can spend on an apartment. She wants me to live in a studio or something. My lawyer and a few of my friends suggested that I get a 2 bedroom apartment, so the kids have their own room. And, that the court will need to see that I have adequate living space for my kids. I plan on getting half custody.

Do you guys agree that I should be getting a 2 bedroom apartment, despite the fact that it's probably about $400+ per month? We don't have the money right now. We would have to sell the 3rd car to start with. In the mean time, I feel obligated to help pay all of the bills at the house she kicked me out of and that the kids live in.

She refused to talk to me about any money savings, my living situation, etc. All she can do is try to use the kids as an excuse. She tells me that I need to pay all of the bills to keep them safe. Sure I agree with that, but at what point do I let the house go, ruin our credit, etc. I've been in a trailer for a few months and she lives in our half million dollar home, buying herself new laptops, clothes, etc. I mean really?

Don't get wrong, we both did some pretty bad things to each other to screw up our relationship.

Any advise on the apartment or bills would be greatly appreciated!

Thanks,
Better

[Fatheroffour]

Why isn't moving back home and seeing your kids every day an option?

[better_off]

She changed the locks on me, won't let me in the house unsupervised. Last time I stayed there a couple weeks ago on the couch, she stole my credit cards while I slept out of my wallet that I put in my shoe. It's just not good for us to be around each other with the kids seeing us argue. I don't trust her, and she thinks I am spying on her, monitoring her electonically, stealing items in the house, etc. She is not sane. So, it's best that we just don't live with each other right now. We can barely talk now.

[Fatheroffour]

You should review the links in my signature.

Moving out pretty much guaranteed you the worst possible outcome in your divorce.

[hoosier_dad]

Makes perfect sense, it's uncomfortable for you therefore you must move out leaving your children in the care of someone you consider insane.

You do realize that you are rewarding her bad behavior by moving out and guaranteeing her the best possible divorce outcome she could hope for right?

[better_off]

So, should I try to move back in? She won't let me.. it will be a major fight. I understand your point, but she does things like steal from me. Then, when I am in the house she accuses me of doing things.

For now, I am looking at getting a 6 month lease on an apartment. We have two houses. We rent out our old one for now, and lived in the newer bigger house. I told her today when she yelled at me for being selfish. She said, I need to think about the kids... Then, I said.. OK, how about you move out and get an apartment and I move back in the house! I just don't see how a marriage can go from being best friends to bad stuff happening to this evil person I see.

[minuette]

You dont seem to be a problem-solver...nor does your lawyer. Is your lawyer a jack-of-all-trades, or does your lawyer actually specialize in family law, with a good feel for handling high-conflict divorces and very fathers-rights focused?

Problem: You cannot get 50/50 without demonstrating you can actually provide a safe, stable home for the children. You cannot afford another home.
Solution: MOVE BACK INTO YOUR HOME.

Problem: She steals.
Solution: Install a home safe, in a room whose door bears a deadbolt lock. Set up a web-viewable nanny cam in your room, while you're at it. If you want to be super-paranoid, have ADT come out and set up a little system for your room, with monitoring. Then have them call the cops and you when they see your wife break in. Fun for all! (and cheaper than an apartment)

Problem: She may try to have you arrested on a domestic violence charge.
Solution: Carry an mp3 recorder on your person 24/7. Make sure it is ready for use at all times. Be civil to her at all times (it takes two to fight, bub). If she decides to call the cops, you have your recording as backup. If she touches you, call the cops and have HER arrested.

[Fatheroffour]

She won't let me.

You have dug yourself quite a hole. If you are not willing to hunt around and find your balls you are destined to put up with her foolishness for the foreseeable future.

You should read this linkand the link it references along with the links in my signature and when you have determined the goals you are willing to fight for come back and share them with the forum and the guidance you need will be here.

What state are you in, how long have you been married and how old are your kids are key data points.

[better_off]

Thanks for the info... yeah, I need to find my b a l l s here for sure. We've been together for 12 years and just passed 7 years being married last sept. I'll take a look at the links. I appreciated it. Our kids are 3 and 4.

I just got off the phone with my lawyer, who I have on retainer now. He said it doesn't matter that I moved out of the house, as far as custody, the kids, etc. She doesn't have any upper hand. However, once she kicked me out of the house and took possession of the house, cars, etc...she is responsible for paying for them all.

I told her that I don't have a place to stay as of today (actually I'm staying at my mom's house which is an hour away), but when I told her this, she did not give a hoot! All she cared about was me paying her bills at the house. She said, I need to be paying these bills for the kids. Then, I said to her "well, how about you go get yourself an apartment and I will move back into the house". She didn't like this at all. She pretty much hung up on me. I couldn't call her back, because she called me from a blocked number and wouldn't pick up her old cell phone number. She has a "secret" cell phone and different number.

[defaultuser]

I just got off the phone with my lawyer, who I have on retainer now. He said it doesn't matter that I moved out of the house, as far as custody, the kids, etc. She doesn't have any upper hand. However, once she kicked me out of the house and took possession of the house, cars, etc...she is responsible for paying for them all.

Sounds like he's blowing smoke up your azz until he gets a retainer. General feeling on this site is that moving out is a huge mistake.

I couldn't call her back, because she called me from a blocked number and wouldn't pick up her old cell phone number

You shouldn't be talking to her in the first place. Radio silence is an important skill to learn.

If I were you, I'd show up with a locksmith and move back in when she's at work or something. She changed the locks on YOUR door. You can do the same. Wouldn't that be a hoot.