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I'm writing on behalf of my husband. I'm sorry if this is long. Here goes.. My husband and I moved to a different state 3 years ago. At the time we were friends with my husbands ex and we had his daughter more than his x did. His ex was actually supposed to move to the same place which is the only reason we moved. She ended up meeting her current husband before the move happened and didnt move. At first she was fine with us taking his daughter with us, sometimes months at a time and he would send child support. Then his x married the guy he refused the money and said he was too proud to let her take the money when he's her husband. My husband stopped paying and didn't pay for 3 years (stupid, I know) but we would constantly send her clothes, etc. about a year ago when requesting to come get his daughter my husbands x said no, that they've decided that her husband should adopt my husbands daughter and we should just forget she ever existed. They've had 2 children and have a family and they don't need the interference.
So, a year or so went by and we only saw her when we would visit and my husbands mom would get his daughter for him. He called, we emailed, all with the same response of no. Shr moved and wouldnt give an address but we felt helpless because we were in another state. Finally we were able to back to the same city so that he can see his daughter again. For the first 2 months his x still refused to give us her address. We were ready to go to the police when my husband finally got a call from her saying that she was sorry. She's let her husband decide what is best for her daughter but she knows it's in their daughters best interest for my husband to be in her life. She started letting him see her again but only when it was convenient for her. My husband started giving her checks for child support again (without telling the husband) and we brought over a bag of $300 in clothes. We took her to disneyland for her birthday and every time shes with us we send her home with something new. The $ he gives his x clearly doesn't go toward his daughter. His daughter is treated like the step child of the house. She sleeps on a mattress on the floor and the last time she came over she had shoes that were worn so bad her big toes stuck all the way through. Her little sisters have brand new pea coats and $1000 cribs. They choose to spend their money on poker, cigarettes, kegs, and a $2500 English bulldog. It's completely frustrating!!! Needless to say my husband harbors a lot of guilt about this since he didn't pay for 3 years. So where we are now..my husband lost his job about a 2 months ago and payments to the x have stopped. Of course now his visitations have stopped too. I work 70 hours a week to pay the bills and there just isnt money for her. I would pay her if I could. My husband even sold his truck to pay bills and her but knowing that giving her money that we desperately need will only buy one < parenting time > is really difficult. He's given her what we have, $50 here and $100 there and weve bought his daughter shoes and things. She won't let him even talk to his daughter. She will answer the phone asking if he as money and hangs up when he says no. So, what proof do we need that she is denying < parenting time >? They have joint custody and he's supposed to have her every Tuesday thru Thursday. We've taken screen shots of texts and printed call history. I guess what my husband is most afraid of is taking her back to court and losing joint custody because he's behind in child support. Also, we are prepared for him to have a hefty back child support come down on his head when he takes her to court. I've heard of judges reducing the amount because of the economy. Anyone heard of this? Will it go on his credit if he makes payments towards the past due? Also, we're in nv.. What happens if both parents aren't working? Shes not working and my husband is not working. Do they then look at spouse income for child support? Any helpful information would be great. My husband is a great dad, I couldn't ask for a better one to my son. I couldn't imagine keeping him away from my son and it makes me livid that people do this. Thanks!
I'm not from/familiar with NV, nor a veteran on this board or an expert on these issues. All I have is my experience.
That being said, I hope everything your husband has paid out to ex is accounted for. Checks, m.o., through cse. Should be a given but the fact he is that far behind and has had no state interference is surprising (intercepting tax returns, suspended DL, warrants, etc.) Don't send money unaccounted for. See if NV has some thing pro se you can file to enforce parenting time.
In MO we have family access motion. Its easy to fill out and file, you can try to move to be considered poor to waive filings fees, they tend to expidite. Short of modifying I don't know what else you can do in court. Of course go to lengths to see kiddo, if its joint on paper go to her school and see her, pick her up on parenting days. Ex obviously doesn't take you guys seriously and now that you're back you're just an Atm.
Support is supposed to be a separate dealing (in MO anyway) and should not be used to keep a father from seeing his child. Until one goes to jail, of course. Probably will not be the best impression one can make when trying to modify though. Credit? Pull the report free once a year and find out. Probably on there. Good luck
Its hard to understand this one. First of all I'm sure the veterans here will ask that your husband post on this board himself so the info can come directly from him.
You guys moved out of state relying on the X that she would follow?
He stopped child support payments simply because the X and her new hubby said to? Now he is reluctant to report her denial of < parenting time > because he owes back child support? Child support payments are tied to parenting time and it should all be spelled out in the decree. The decree is what he and X follow and any deviation from that needs to be done through courts asap.
So once your husbands child was living with him full time, that was the time to go to court and document the change in parenting time. Child support would have adjusted along with it assuming the X was not contesting anything.
Maybe at this point your husband needs to focus on appealing to court to get his stipulated parenting time back. The back child support issue will have to be dealt with eventually. Consult a lawyer to help unravel this mess. Most give free consultations. If his income has declined, court would need to adjust child support amount he pays moving forward.
Hi, Thanks for the responses. I realize my husband should be posting being that this is a fathers forum, however, my husband seems to think if he brings his x back to court all he has to do is go in there and explain that he's a good dad and wants to see his kid. I know better than that. The big question is how often do judges change joint custody? I'd hate for him to be pro active and take her in for < parenting time > rights but walk out without joint custody. I guess at this point any time with his daughter is better than none but she doesn't abide by the schedule that's in place as it is. Kudos to the dads out there fighting for their kids. It's not easy.
Dbronco wrote:Hi, Thanks for the responses. I realize my husband should be posting being that this is a fathers forum, however, my husband seems to think if he brings his x back to court all he has to do is go in there and explain that he's a good dad and wants to see his kid.
How does this prevent him from posting on his own here?
I am a dad. It is not a simple title, nor a professional position. It is a aggressively defended FACT!
Ok, there are four issues here. 1) enforcing order already in place
2)possible change from joint to full custody (NJ having custody)
3) Child Support Amount
4) Child Support Arrears
#1 and #3 is what you are going for. File a contempt ASAP. This has nothing to do with child support and nothing to do with changing custody. Simply file contempt on the fact he's not getting child every Tuesday thru Thursday. File to have a change in child support due to change in circumstance. Change in circumstance is that your husband lost his job. Right now custody agreement is joint, it depends on both incomes. When there is joint, if NJ made more $ she may end up owing your husband, and vice versa. Since they are both unemployed-it may even out. This is a separate issue than his back child support-HOWEVER, the sooner you have it modified the less he will owe in back child support.
#2 and #4 are NJ's issues. If she wants joint changed to full custody on her part, she needs to file. I would hope that her apparent lack of best interest in child, judge would not look kindly on making him EOW dad since she won't allow him access to child as it is. As for Child Support Arrears-she must go thru the child support enforcement agency to show he is not paying. If garnishment doesn't automatically come out of his check(as it seems it isn't) they may not be keeping track of what is owed/paid. Since you haven't heard anything thus far, unless she causes a fuss about it-odds are you may not. But I hope you can prove every cent you gave. And from this moment forwards, do not give anything that is not thru the child support agency, or make NJ sign a receipt for every penny.
Your income(as new wife) will not go into child support calculations. The main exception to that is if he is stay at home dad with your kids and you are breadwinner, then the judge may impute his income (meaning give him atleast a wage of minimum wage).
And let me make one thing clear. He is not trying to get his visitation-he is trying to get his parenting time. He is not a visitor in his child's life, he is a parent. They have joint-he should be making efforts to be involved, despite NJ's husbands' antics. He should be calling child's doctor, going to visits, calling school, volunteering at school. There are many ways to get around not seeing child just because NJ won't let him.
Thanks for the info, newmom!! He is going to the self help center today to file contempt. Also going to find a lawyer that will talk to him about his situation. He is going to go over to his xs house tue we'd thurs next week and if she doesnt let him have his daughter he's going to file a police report too.