Am I out of touch with reality?

[kmich91262]

I think this is your problem. Your goal is to
A) have your kid do well in school
B) get mentally healthy

What is the root cause of these problems? You state it very clearly in your third paragraph. NJ. My guess is that your kid wouldn't need a mental health professional if your X wasn't in the picture.

You're trying to treat the symptoms, not the cause. The cause of the problem is that your former wife is incapable of doing a half way decent job of parenting. The solution and your goal should be to get custody, but you're approaching the problem from a standpoint of trying to fix the symptoms.

Have you filed a petition for modification asking for primary custody? The significant change in circumstances is all of the above. Don't go into the hows or whys. Focus on what is. This is pretty simple in your case and relatively easy to present clear evidence on. Your former wife can't function as a parent. You can. Best interest shouldn't be too hard here.

Edit: I'm not advocating taking your X out of the picture. I'm saying your goal should be to take over the primary duties of being a parent so that her relationship with your kid can improve. Regular and continuing contact? Yes. Best taken on weekends, and summer. Like every other weekend.

I have to agree with you and maybe I'm apparently not conveying it that way.

Km, I think it was Ron White who said "You cant fix stupid"

One of my Ron White sayings.

[defaultuser]

So why are you so fixated on family therapy, its obvious that NJ drives away the therapists. Sue her for custody, present the evidence and roll the dice. Don't involve her in the solution. Fight her. She is your enemy that wants to hurt your child.

[kmich91262]

So why are you so fixated on family therapy, its obvious that NJ drives away the therapists. Sue her for custody, present the evidence and roll the dice. Don't involve her in the solution. Fight her. She is your enemy that wants to hurt your child.

And what NJ will claim is that she is trying to get S8 help even though IMO she was driving away mental health professionals that she didn't agree with. And roll the dice is exactly what I told the fired attorney but she wouldn't listen....she was fixated on getting a mental health professional on board.

[Fatheroffour]

Tailoring your strategy against what she might claim isn't a recipe for success. I know you think she is a master manipulator but what you have posted about her certainly isn't a description of one.

[kmich91262]

FoF, opinions vary. Your NJ may vary. Just saying.

[Fatheroffour]

Shes a master manipulator because if she gets caught red nosed snorting some coke she will attempt to lie her way out of it and some people may believe her?

Yeah, opinions do vary and some are better than others.

[defaultuser]

And what NJ will claim is that she is trying to get S8 help even though IMO she was driving away mental health professionals that she didn't agree with. And roll the dice is exactly what I told the fired attorney but she wouldn't listen....she was fixated on getting a mental health professional on board.

You should be unconcerned with what NJ will say. If you don't like what you hear from your lawyer, you need to satisfy yourself that they aren't correct in their advice and move on. I know you did that.

BTW, there are mental health professionals, and there are mental health professionals that will help you get custody. Going into counseling with the NJ involved is a waste of time. Getting a court appointed therapist that will talk to your kid and testify may or may not be a wise choice. In your case, I don't think its needed. The evidence speaks for itself.

Your new goal should be: Get primary custody.

You should tell your attorney in no uncertain terms that this is your goal, and you should make a plan to achieve your goal. A plan that is specific, with an expectation of how long each step will take. Your plan also needs to be achievable and realistic.

[kmich91262]

Default, sounds like we are saying the same thing meaning rolling the dice and letting the judge decide on the merits of the case (which is what I told my first attorney to do but she was unwilling to do so). Regardless of what is decided, the judge may still insist S8 be evaluated which an appointment already has been made. Since education is so important to our society (or so we are told), if a judge isn't convinced based on the merits of the case, then nothing will convince them IMO. And by the way getting primary custody is my goal since NJ's track record shows she can't get S8 to school on a regular basis over the last three school years and she has lost control of her residence (i.e. the crisis team being called to her residence twice and also the police).

[kmich91262]

It became official yesterday via the mail. The private school, contrary to what they wrote officially and via e-mail, decided not to wait for S8's eval tomorrow, denied his registration for this upcoming school year, and he has failed the grade. I suspect after talking with the school board member they have known about their decision since May when they initially said they would wait...IMO their decision in May was lip service.

So the intent was and still is to wait until after the eval is done tomorrow to meet with my attorney. Now that S8 has been kicked out, my intent is to take the next available appointment with him after the eval, discuss the newest info, and see what his thoughts are on me simply enrolling S8 into the closest elementary school to me and taking my lumps from the Judge.

To expand on my last statement. The decree says joint decision making. However based on what NJ has done my position is and should be easily defendable in Court: that NJ lost that right to decide once she allowed S8 to decide when he goes to school (end result he got kicked out and failed his grade level), since I'm going for I have S8 during the school weeks I'm the one that should pick where he goes (please also see the previous statement). Do you think my position is defendable? What other things would you suggest to my attorney if he thinks it isn't defendable to persuade him that is is defendable? I know from past experience with another attorney they thought what I was suggesting was ludicrous and no judge would accept it...low and behold the judge agreed with me.

[hoosier_dad]

since I'm going for I have S8 during the school weeks I'm the one that should pick where he goes

Is there a current custody modification filed asking for these change? If not I would file immediately for that and the school change to show that you aren't trying to usurp the decree or the Judge's authority, you are just simply reacting quickly to the school's decision.