Responding to Email Diatribes

[motwgk]

Thanks for the replies. Luckily the flaming email had the answer buried in it, just a whole lot more I wasn't sure if I should respond to. Your answers reinforced what I was thinking.

Generally I try to keep D14 out of it. It seems to work well, especially as she's getting older and trying to get out of school activities by going to the preferred fun activities (not telling X has its advantages to her at this age). I also try to write all my email to X assuming someone, like a judge, will read it. In this case, I just asked to please let me know which one of the two she'd be attending.

Most times there are no event conflicts, and the ones we get normally end up during my time, which means I email X to notify which we'll be attending. I also notify in the rare case that D14 won't be able to attend an event X would expect to be at, like a soccer tournament D had to miss due to an overnight birthday party she wanted to go to. You know, inform as I'd want to be informed.

The end goal, yes, is to find out which event I need to show up at. In this case I couldn't contact the coach and/or the teacher directly, because I know via email that they sent to the group that X hasn't told them yet (don't know why, don't care, between the two of them, and I'm not putting them between us either). If it's an event I don't need to attend, I don't ask about their plans, not my business. If the coach or teacher had emailed me directly, I would have told them to contact X and cc'd the email address.

The problem this time was that X wasn't aware there was a conflict. Well, X isn't admitting to not having read email or checking the web sites, which is why the issue. And honestly, part of the problem is in thinking that printed communication comes home from a middle school. It just doesn't happen like it did in elementary school, they rely on their website that's only partially informative. I email teachers, email the school, and get the answers. I figure any adult can do at least that.

I did just get a new printer with a scan function, so that's a great idea. The last thing that came home 2 weeks ago I scanned and emailed to X. Great paper trail, and *much* easier than the documentation I tried to keep about what all got handed over. I will definitely add this to my "process". And Trevor, if you have any techniques you can share about teaching this to your kids (or books), I would be interested. While she doesn't have a problem deciding which event she wants to attend, sometimes she fails to mention the events she *should* attend.