medical information issues with ex.

[bf15]

This week my ex had her boyfriend take our daughter to the dr because of a long term skin condition she has. My ex did not go, she stayed at home and looked after the other 2 kids she has.

The dr. has sent a request in for a referral to a dermatologist and has been attempting to set up an appointment with my ex. The ex is refusing to tell me a date and dr.s office so that I can attend the appointment. Her comment was that since she scheduled it on a day that she has custody of my daughter that it’s none of my business what is discussed at the dr, and that I need to stay out of her business. (Daughter is 3)

Our current custody order states medical issues as follows

Both mother and father are required to discuss all medical issues and treatment except for cases of emergency medical situations, and in events that of all medical decisions and issues if we cannot agree, then the father, me, has final say.

My ex has also told me that since she and her boyfriend now have a child together that I am going to have to get used to him taking my child to things such as the dr.

Would she be in contempt of the above statement in our custody order since she is refusing to tell me the dr, and appointment date/time?

Also please give me some advice on how to deal with the ex and her thinking her boyfriend should be able to take our child to the dr.

BTW... mom does not work, we have split physical custody on a 4/4/3/3 schedule.


The ex has also said if i do not change my daughters dr. she is going to take me back to court to force me to switch it. when i ask why she only would say her dr. is a quack. she has also taught our 3 year old to refer to her as a quack as well. she would not elaborate any as to why she felt that way though other than that the dr. would not prescribe a medication for my 3 year daughter that says is unsafe for kids under 12 unless prescribed by a child dermitoligist.

[Treading Water]

Contact the doctor that made the referral and find out who he referred your daughter to. Then contact that doctor for the info on the appointment. Do not telegraph anything to the ex and just show up to the appointment.

Your ex can certainly try to go to court about this, but my guess is the judge would slap her down. If she does go to court, file for fees and exclusive right to make medical decisions as your ex is showing she cannot co-parent. Plan to always keep the ex informed of any medical appointments yourself in order to maintain the high ground.

TW

[demurrer]

Judges favor whoever has childs best medical interets at hearst and goes to the appointments, make sure you work with doctor even if ex wont, I nearly lost some custody a few years back cos I wasnt going to medical appointmenst I didnt know about, now I speak with doctor regularly and they tell me everything.

This is exactly why Dad's should agree to pay for medical insurance. Those Explaination of Benefits notices let you know when and where your kid(s) received medical treatment that your stbx "forgot" to tell you about.

[demurrer]

Would she be in contempt of the above statement in our custody order since she is refusing to tell me the dr, and appointment date/time?

File a motion to rule to show cause and let a judge decide. Being served with rule to show cause will get her heart racing because she will have to explain why she's not following what the court has ordered. If she has a good excuse the judge will dismiss it. If she's a nj/stbx that's violating the order the judge will help bring her in line.

Another way to get around this is to determine the doctor (if you can tell the future) and notify them in writing that you are to be separtely notified.

mentioned earlier in thread: Showing up for an appointment (with court order in hand) will get you a front row seat to get all the info you need and communicate to the medical professional that you are effectively the sole decision-maker

Ideas for managing the boyfriend:
Boyfriend taking kid to physician. Hmmm. Nowhere is boyfriend listed as a guardian or decision-maker so my guess is that the court would look down on stbx for delegating any form of medical decision-making.

Let the boyfriend take your kid to the doctor, document it, and show the court that stbx is being irresponsible by letting a non-guardian make decisions for her and without informing you.

If you know when/where the appointment is then contact the physician's office and inform them shortly before the appointment that your kid is only to be examined and not to be treated because he/she is not accompanied by a legal guardian/parent.

Research criminal penalties for non-parent/non-guardian misrepresenting themselves for treatment of a minor.

[bf15]

thanks for the answers guys, just wanted to point out that over my daughters 3 year life, i have always been there, there have been a few times of which i wasent, but I had my mom or dad take her due to work.

from the time my daughter was born, to now counting the dozen or so medical apointment in the first year for shots, and then 2 emergancy room trips one for her triping and gashing her nose. (had to get stiches), and then once where someone at my exes picked my daughter up, or jerked her arm adn hurt her embow, the ex did not go.

there was also another time wehre she fell down some steeps at my ex's and she called me to take her to the hospital saying she had no baby sitter for her other kid, even though husband number 2 was there adn coudl ahve looked after their kid they have.

it is a mess. ex only acts like she cares to please her boyfriends whom in actuality probally provide more care for my daughter when shes there. My daughter tells me all the time that moms boyfriend brushes her teeth, changes her pullups, and gives her baths. I do not see him as a bad person, jsut somone whom thinks hes more to my daughter than he is. I feel to that the only reason hes still there is the ex traped him same as she thought she had done me, and the daddy of baby number 2.

[nighthawk]

The reason the ex is saying the doctors a quack is he has found something she don't want you to know about. Also the reason she don't want you involved in any future appointment with other doctors, huge red flag! File the contempt charges, which I'm counting several, and call the doctor and find out what's going on with your child. No one knows you care, till you do.

As far as the new mr wonderful, tell him to butt out, and let your ex know, he will not be your child's father. He can be brought up for interfereing.

[hoosier_dad]

I ran through the same issues and eventually had to include medical issues along with other issues in a motion of contempt. You can and should keep in touch with the Dr.'s office to either schedule appointments or make sure you are up to date on upcoming ones. But that doesn't stop a determined ex from rescheduling them last minute to prevent you from attending. My ex did this several times and followed it up with emails documenting that she would decide when I needed to be there.

Her attorney convinced her she was about to get slammed in court and they settled all issues on the courthouse steps, and I had specific language added to the decree so that both of us notify the other immediately of any scheduled medical appointments or reschedules.

[newwife]

You know,
I only see one reason Mr. Wonderful should take child to doctor.
If he is at home with child, mother is out or at work or something-and there is an emergency. In which you should get a phone call from NJ saying hey-I'm on my way to hospital-meet me there. This in my mind would be the same as if there was a babsitter home with the child. First call ambulance-then call me.

This is not an emergency. She has a long term condition and is seeing a specialist.
Your decree not only says you need to be informed-but medical issues need to be discussed together-and if you and NJ can't agree-you make the call. This means not only does she have to inform you-but BEFORE making appointment you two need to agree to see specialist. So she is in contempt for more than refusing to inform you. It does not matter who's day the appointment falls on. Perhaps Mr. Wonderful has to give child a ride to doctor-but even then-if NJ can't go-she should have YOU pick up child from her house and take her. I just can't see why she thinks this is good at all.
If this is a long term dermatological problem-you will BOTH need to provide treatment or what-not depending on specialist's findings.

This just keeps running thru my head-I supposed if child is 14 or something and it's a routine physical-all that would be needed would be a ride to the doctor's office...but I would still want to be there as a parent.
It just doesn't make sense. In seeing a special-or even a regular doctor-at AGE 3- a parent needs to be there. Appointments are still stressful and scary to a little child.

Agree with posters
file contempt
call specialist and talk to them directly.
go to appointment-once Mr. Wonderful brings her-don't even have him go into the office-go yourself. he can wait in the waiting room.
Inform NJ later on what the treatment will be. After all-YOU HAVE THE FINAL SAY according to your decree.