Losing my mind..

[bostonm]

Quick as possible..Divorced a year ago, my CS support was based on me working 3 jobs and her working none. My carrer full time is a fireghter/paramedic. I pay her 1840 a month for out 2 kids.. In our divorce papers we were supposed to go to a mediation to have the CS modified ater she got a job. Shes now been working almost a year and wont help me at all. My problem is that I can barely pay my bills. I cant even afford an apartment to have my kids spend the night, cant afford a lawyer to get this stuff changed. Then she tells me how awful I am and make excuses to not see my kids. Its a mess.
I have one lawyer tell me Im screwed because I can work non stop and make money, and another tell me how crazy this is and she can help me. I dont want to hire a lawyer and theyve just been telling me what I want to hear and I get nothing accomplished.

Need help, Im going crazy.

[Trevor]

You need to wake up and realize that the longer you sit by doing nothing, the worse it gets for you.

1. You need to enforce your parenting time per your orders, working less to exercise your time as best you can. That's the most important thing; seeing your kids, and slamming hard the interference of your parenting time. You do understand that the divorce decree gives you rights too, correct?

2. You won't be able to go back and have CS adjusted to the date when you should have taken action, but you can take action now.
2a. If you have your pay garnished, you can have the CS agency do another assessment of the CS numbers and fix it for you.
2b. If you just pay her yourself, you need to decide...
2bi. Research your local court's website to file for a CS modification yourself, and hire a lawyer by the hour to review your work to ensure it's right...or
2bii. Hire a lawyer and get this thing on track and fix the CS as well as fixing other problems, maybe even getting more time.

3. Spend time here reading up on how to mitigate her interference and document it. Ask questions here and don't have a thin skin; we'll get you on track but won't be holding your hand telling you you're doing alright when you're not.

[nighthawk]

I honestly don't know your state laws, and I'm sure Trevor is right. But in my state you have a right to request for a review, from child support services, any time there is a significant change, such as she gets a job or you.quit a job. Spend the time with your child, and don't believe you have to wait for two years till you find out from CSS.

[bostonm]

I filed for a mod about 6 months ago, 4 months later they mail my stuff back sayng that Im missing one of the 20 signatures they require. Very frustrating. Im in a bad spot. The job that I work at that I actually make money from is an hour away from my kids. Ill be honest I make 50,000 a year as a fire/medic and my take home after CS and everything else is $360 for 2 weeks. So I have to work these other 2 jobs, and the only way I can even get ahead a little bit is to work even more. Right now I average 95 to 100 hours a week between my 3 jobs.

Im in FL

[startingagain]

1. you need to slow down and take a breather. Working more and throwing more money at the situation is not going to solve anything.

2. Look for help from within your community, church etc, community organization, union, family - help you sort out the financial stuff, organize your life and get things on the right track. Just someone to talk to who will ask the questions and get the brain working.

3. Figure out how to spend more time with the kids (get them more, and spend quality time with them.

4. Look for a good attorney to help. Yes they will cost a lot of money you do not have (this is not "throwing money" but "investing" in your children), however they should be able to help with a better plan and significantly reduce child support.

5. As a fire fighter (assuming union benefits), you should have enough flexibility to spend great time with the children, plenty of vacation time etc. The extra time you are spending working a second job should be spent with the children, therefore allowing a deviation from the main support.

The situation is very overwhelming, and daunting, but many of us are going through it. You feel very alone, vulnerable (even if you are a tough firefighter of a a guy) and fustrated. The important thing is to use your resources such as this forum, and find people who can assist you in asking the right kind of questions, making good decisions and coming up with solutions that will help.

Again, first thing - slow down and take a breath.

[dad_76904]

man, i feel you. i'm in texas. i'm in the same situation as you. working 3 jobs now to make ends meet... no time for anything, but i exercise every minute of my time with my kids. it espescially hurts watching her move on with her life. she has a 10$ an hour job and with my CS, makes more than i do, and i have almost 50% custody. i'm a government employee working a 30$ an hour salaried job. i now bring home the same $ that the Sr Airmen appointed below me make. it's amazing. she just got married and had a very elaborate wedding on my dime, less than 7 months after our divorce was final. a real kick in the sack there.

i just wanted to let you know i feel for you. i have to wait another year and a half to go ask for a modification of CS, which i doubt i'll get because i'm working 3 jobs now. even with my two extra jobs, i don't make what i did before... actually far from it, but it gives me a bit of extra cash to get the kids ice cream once in a while and buy them clothes.

just cherish the time you have with your kids, and take every minute you can with them. it'll be over someday, and you'll get a huge raise! that's the way i'm looking at it.