serious question and help

[secondhalf]

I have no interest in a battle with her-so I would rather find common ground.

But you are in one whether you like it or not. Be prepared or GET prepared because chances are she has has plans of attempting to minimize your input as a father to your children. Chances are she has plans of minimizing your time to an every other weekend dad. You can't afford a lawyer? Beg or borrow the money to get a lawyer!!! It's that important!!!!!

[jumbledone]

Sounds like something that was covered by Dear Prudence in yesterday's live chat.

She probably has something wrong. This guy had a brain tumor that had him acting all crazy and such.

[secondhalf]

some point she has to wake up-but at what cost to me and my boys.

The cost to you and your boys is a divorce. It's going to happen. She is not going to wake up because she honestly believes that she has found the "Mr. Wonderful" that she has always dreamed of having. You really need to get ahead of the 8-ball. Chances are she has been planning this for months and several steps ahead of you.

[brooktrout]

no listen-she is really mixed up something is off (drug use, mental illness etc) I am in contact with a doctor ( everyday) who is an amazing person and has helped my wife for YEARS and she is convinced that something is very array. She is not vindictive in anyway reagrding the kids and me and clearly puts that she really has no interest in child support (although its not in her court) and wants me to spend as much time as possible with them. I think alot of what she is doing is self protective and guilt driven

[secondhalf]

wants me to spend as much time as possible with them

So tell her that you will settle for nothing less than 50/50. Tell her that since it is 50/50 no child support changes hands. Tell her that you will not pay alimony. Tell her that all other child expenses will be shared based upon percentage of incomes. And see where that takes you.

And if she is agreeable to everything above just let her go. Is she really worth the heartache that she has caused because of her affair. If she is worth it perhaps she'll come back. Trying to "force" her to stay just doesn't work.

Also, take a deep look into how you worded the quote above. I see that quote as an indication that you have not yet come to grips that you are as much of a parent as she is a parent; and perhaps more of a parent.

[Trevor]

You have no idea whether her behaviors are safe or not. You are awfulizing about her because she works at a bar. That does not mean she's an alcoholic or is exposing your kids to gunfights.

I think the truth is you're terrified of being single again, which is fine, understandable...except it is rendering you helpless and useless in your divorce. Awfulizing and pining for the good old days equates to sticking your head in the sand, and brother, hate to break it to you, it ain't going away.

The sooner you wipe the snot off your lip and get out of your pajamas and into big boy pants, the chances of a good result will improve...for the kids. Stop making this all about you.

[Fatheroffour]

Don't blow off Trevors spot on advice. You wanting and waiting for her to 'come to her senses' is the epitome of sticking your head in the sand.

Maybe she has come to her senses. Maybe she has finally found her inner ho that has been wanting to bust out for all this time. This is the new her. Your new wife and the kids new mom.

Sitting by and hoping will get you screwed and will be of no help to your children.

[demurrer]

I have no interest in a battle with her-so I would rather find common ground.

But you are in one whether you like it or not. Be prepared or GET prepared because chances are she has has plans of attempting to minimize your input as a father to your children. Chances are she has plans of minimizing your time to an every other weekend dad. You can't afford a lawyer? Beg or borrow the money to get a lawyer!!! It's that important!!!!!

Retain a lawyer or you're in for a lifetime of financial misery without your kids.