Cease and desist letter around parental alienation?

[mbxdad]

NJ has been saying things that cause great anxiety for my S13 (other posts on this topic). He spends half time with me, so I am able to help him bring clarity to her attempts at bad-mouthing be, but it causes him a lot of stress and worry to the point that it impacts his school performance, health, and self confidence.

I have 'called' NJ on it (after years of being silent to her manipulations during the marriage - felt good to stand up for myself and my son!).

I am considering having my attorney write up some form of 'cease and desist' letter demanding that she stop disparaging me in front of the child - we have some wording in our parenting time filing with the court around this, and state law seems pretty clear about looking unfavorably on parents who seek to alienate the other.

Has anyone tried sending this kind of a letter, as kind of a warning shot prior to filing for legal custody and primary physical custody? I'd like to put some legal pressure on NJ to clean up her act, without the turmoil caused by a custody battle (though I'm willing to go to the mat if needed).

[mbxdad]

S13 told me that his mother said "When I came home and told your father I was pregnant, he told me I was going to be a bad mother".

Nice. The poor kid is in anxiety from continuing nonsense like this. Your Dad bullied me our entire marriage. Your Dad bullies me and you (NJ sees bullies everywhere... never takes responsibility, everyone else is to blame, yada yada).

I called NJ on this and got back a major rant of all of the wrong I had ever inflicted on her, real and imagined. Just filled with hate. I truly think she has become unhinged.

I'm not sure where to go with this. It's been over a year since the divorce and she has only gotten worse as the time gets closer to an alimony step-down. I wish she'd meet somebody and get laid and find something better to do.

In the meantime, is there really no alternative short of filing for custody? My state (the law at least) frowns upon parental alienation, but for moderate cases of alienation what can be done, legally? Suspect I'll need to fire up a visit with the attorney.

[Fatheroffour]

Trying to control what a parent says to a child regardless of how just the cause is extremely difficult, if not near impossible, for obvious reasons. IMO, you'll either need for the boy to outright state his preference or will need third party professionals like a GAL, therapist or shrink to have a chance at making headway in court.

The good thing is he's coming to you and telling you this stuff. That says a lot about him not buying it hook, line and sinker and it give you a chance for rebuttal.

[hoosier_dad]

Fighting it legally would be a waste of money and just tick off the judge. Enable your S13 to stand up to Mom. Provide facts and allow him to come to his own conclusions, great opportunity to help him along the path of individual analytical thinking.

[mbxdad]

Thanks, dads. I was a bit afraid that there really is no legal recourse right now.

He starts therapy next week, and it will involve both NJ and I as part of the overall process. He has Aspergers, which makes this whole thing so much more complex (and the therapy and related sessions are intended to help him with Asperger's).

I'm concerned that he will lay in on them about how 'mean' I am etc. (NJ is permissive, I try to set boundaries - something Aspergers kids need). Hope they are good at seeing through the effects of the poison.

[Trevor]

Try to be the one who discusses with the therapist the family situation and the divorce, not the kid's mother.