For once, I'm at a loss...

[504dad]

We filed for divorce in Jan '09, reached a settlement in Oct '09.

Since this time, the Ex has made every effort to alienate S7 & S5 from me and my family. In Dec '11, after the 2nd unsubstantiated accusation of 'improper' behaviour with my children (CPS was involved and cleared it), I began recording every moment S7 & S5 are with me. I currently have hundreds of recordings with 60 to 70 viable and transcribed recordings of the children making various statements of the Ex's behaviour and what she tells them about the on-going custody issues, lies about me and my family, and some moments that contradict what she has stated in Court and in recent filings.

These are by no means a 'smoking gun', but this is where I'm at a loss because for the last 2-years I have been working Pro Se.

The Ex once again has brought up allegations of improper behaviour. I responded to her Motion and filed, separately, a Motion for Non-Disclosure stating that I wished to present audio recorded evidence and wanted to insulate/protect the children from the contents. The Ex responded by saying that she would never place the children in the middle by telling them they had been recorded because this was not in their best-interest.

The day AFTER I filed the Non-Disclosure the Ex withdraws S7 out of school early and takes him to his favourite restaurant. Ever since, he has acted secretive and will not say anything more than a few word to me. Today, as we are in the car, he says: "Dad, why do you record me?" Of course I was interested, so he goes on to tell me that his Mother told him not to talk to me about anything from her house because "your Father records everything you do".

Being that the Motion is awaiting the Courts decision, and she has already filed that she would NEVER tell them, but obviously has. What is my next step?

Any advice would be appreciated.

[Fatheroffour]

I assume you have that conversation recorded?

Have you considered requesting a GAL to represent the kiddos.

I your ex represented? I ask because getting recordings entered into evidence pro se against an attorney can prove very problematic but getting a GAL to listen to them doesn't present such legal hurdles.

[504dad]

I do have the conversation recorded. The Ex does have an attorney, who said she wanted to have the recordings verified for authenticity. Not too certain how she will do that, but I'm sure it will cost a fortune to pay someone to listen to them. I initially felt as if I was violating my children's privacy by recording, but figured it was for their benefit to at least try and show the Court what she is doing to them. S7 is in therapy 3x a month for what is termed 'brittle and over-controlled' personality. I of course, assert it is Mother doing it to him as he spends the vast majority of his time with her and has stated to teachers (subpoenaed for next hearing) he is scared of his Mother.

My former attorney does provide limited support, but has recently become ill (he's 70) and has severely limited his practice. He has told me he didn't see too many issues with admissibility as the Courts here tend to be liberal in Family Court especially when children are involved.

Pro Se hasn't been too difficult. I am a quick study, have several advanced degrees and have successfully defended myself against two contempt charges. The only concerning factor is that we have a Court-Appointed therapist for S7 who thinks Mother is "mother of the year" and seems to ignore me anytime I seek help. She has not been following the court guidelines for updates and since I filed a motion for clarification and the court told her to be better about following the guides, she rarely speaks to me.

I just don't know if I file some kind of complaint since she "said" she would await the courts ruling on the non-disclosure then blatantly violated it, or what my options are. I did not want her saying anything because I could see how a child may be upset over discovering they have been recorded, then feel as if they cannot share their feelings with their Father. I just see this as, she lied to the Court in her filing and I want them to do something about it.

[Thoughts?]

You need an intermediary, either a GAL or a therapist, to interview the children & represent their interests in court. An independent third party will be the best thing you can get to thwart that kind of behavior. Yes there's a risk they may not think the world of you, but I have an ex who's NPD & OCD with somatoform issues, and who practices alienation, and there's not a professional yet I've encountered that doesn't see the issues she presents within their first month of contact with her.

[504dad]

We do have a Court-Appointed therapist, since June 2010. It's her professional opinion that there is nothing wrong and Mother is a 'nurturing' caregiver. Her updates to the court are a Father bash session, filled with opinions not facts. The Court seems to pay no attention either way. I send her the requested monthly updates, and have even sent her a recording of the children contradicting a statement she made to the Court. She does not acknowledge the information, other than she doesn't see any indication of alienation in the children.

In regards to the recordings; they are not coerced and I do not ask the children about anything related to their Mother or the custody. Once they are with me, the recorder starts (voice activated) and I only turn it off when they go to bed at night. I have had many of them transcribed.

And now, S7 is paranoid and constantly asking (when he does speak now) if he's being recorded. Seems as if the Ex can flout the system, lie and no one will do anything.

Can I file a Petition for Contempt since she stated to the Court she would not discuss the recordings or their existence until the COurt made a decision? Is a GAL different than the Court-Appointed therapist? Will the Court have BOTH?