telling S4

[lohe]

That is good to hear, i am sure S4 is more resilient than i give him credit for.

He's also more intelligent and observant than you give him credit for. He knows that something is not right between mom and dad. He probably blames himself at least somewhat and you should probably tell him straight out that it is not his fault (most children do blame themselves).

No matter what you tell him, he's never going to (at least till he's much older) think that is is 'not a bad thing'. His world right now is his two parents. They are moving apart.
Even if you decide that this is a good thing (and it probably is, in the long run) you need to deal with the fact that he isn't going to for quite some time.

I think you are right about stepping foot inside the realm of nj. I will try to say no nicely and move on down the road.

Personally hell will freeze over before I set foot on my ex's property and if she sets foot on my property she will be dealing with the police. But in your case it might be okay for you to go there, but I would not advise you do so without recording audio and having a friend with you. Just be careful, women have been known to make false police reports about DV in divorces to get what they want (once or twice ).

[Chosen2Dad]

I like the honest up-front approach. While he won't understand, you are teaching his moral value that you would want instilled in him. You continue to be supportive/patient with him, it will be ok in the end, but it will take time. As for her, be cooperative with her as much as it may kill you.

He's gonna adjust and you will have those fun times with him and I would set up days where you and her maybe have the least amount of interaction possible depending on your relationship.

I have been in his shoes and I was probably just as young. Now that I am also a statistic, I have been successful in my life and career for the most part-minus getting divorced. But I need to...I need my life back to be a better dad.

[stretchkr]

Once i decided i had to get a divorce I felt like it was the "end of the world". Now I really am excited about moving on with my life, and being the best dad.

Thats the right attitude.