Children and checking the OM background

[MrBrightside]

Before you read my post below, I hope that I receive some understanding advice in this particular forum. I was blasted in the divorce forum by my post and I allowed myself to stoop to their level. I only intended to have a simple conversation about this post and hope for the same here. Thanks fellas.
Post:
I suggested that in the best interests of the kids that if they are spending the night over/with the ex's BF or GF present that you would have the right to know if they are a child predator,etc. The mediator brought it up actually and said this request goes both ways. My STBXW signed the decree but today was < edited > and thinks I am going to use his information to harass him.

Apparently, the mediator had it written that the ex spouse provides the BF or GF name and driver liscence to the other ex. It only occurs if the children and BF/GF is sleeping in the same house. Ever heard of this? Was I given paranoid advice? I never thought of this until it was brought up in mediation. Now the STBXW only is willing to give just the name and is furious. Is there another way of determining this without the use of DL?

[Fatheroffour]

Any such order would be reciprocal. You will have to do the same and since it would be foolish to be providing your ex with ammunition for a future custody battle by letting her know you associate with people with criminal histories you would want to run a check on your own dates/girlfriends before you gave the info to her.

How are you intending on running their background checks?

Maybe you should contact some PI agencies in your area to see what the going rates are and what is needed as far as names, addresses and drivers license number or social security numbers.

[Treading Water]

What are you going to do when faced when the GF/BF refuses to give out their drivers license number? On your side you can either kick them to the curb or just not let them stay over. Do you think the Ex will think twice about it if she can't get the info or will she just do it and let you try to enforce? Name I can understand, DL not so much. It is a worthy goal in theory, but in reality I think it will cause many more (and expensive) problems than it will solve.

And once the Ex does give you the information how will you fight the stalking charges she throws up against the wall?

TW

[Trevor]

1. The same people who "blasted" you in the other forum are the same ones reading this one.

2. Whether your X is angry about this provision, or thinks she knows the intention behind it, is irrelevant. She has recourse to repair the orders if she feels so strongly about it by filing papers to modify the orders.

3. Presently, she can either 1) comply; 2) avoid overnight guests during her parenting time; or 3) take a risk and have overnight guests, but take the chance that you'll not find out, or that you will not have the money/wherewithal to file for (and prove) contempt. It's anybody's guess which avenue she'll choose.

4. I have never heard of this, and question how effective/enforceable it is. You'll pretty much have to 1) prove she had an overnight guest; 2) prove the identity of that person; and 3) prove she failed to notify you of the court-ordered information. Only #3 is fairly straightforward.

5. Courts are generally loathe to go too far to dictate what adults, who were granted custody of the minor children (primary or not), can or cannot do in their own lives. It is generally assumed that a persona so designated in court orders is capable and interested in what is best for the children...or else the kid would be in foster care today.

6. Not sure why, since you seem to be happy about this provision of the orders, that you are asking if you can figure out the guy's rap sheet without the DL. If she doesn't provide it, take her back to court on contempt. That's what your provision allows.

7. You'll probably need to simply hire a PI each time someone shacks up with your X, and it's not likely to be cheap. The PI could follow the guy, get his tag number, and run it down. But I am not sure how much can be obtained without more than a name and tag number.

[TransAm]

I know that PA provides a complete registry of chesters on the PA State Police website, adddressed, names and offenses. Check the North Dakota State police website and see if they have the same.

Don't you have papers to grade?

[Fatheroffour]

My state does that as well for all sex crimes. Pretty sure most do to grab those federal funds. There is also the national registry, found here.

Pity they don't do the same for all crimes against children like assault, abuse and neglect.


If concern for the safety of your children is truly first priority and you're looking for a high percentage move to protect their safety, bar either parent from living in a home with a pool.

[MrBrightside]

FOF: I appreciate your first two paragraphs. That's the kind of response that one should expect. But the last paragraph isn't really necessary. As a moderator you should especially know better.

[Fatheroffour]

?

The last sentence is an example of the high quality above and beyond approach I'm known for and what compelled you to seek out my help in the first place. I'm going that extra mile for you and your kids because you seems so concerned for their safety, which I am sure you are. It's a normal trait to discount the mundane and overemphasize the strange and abnormal. My ex was a master of it.

[hoosier_dad]

I was blasted in the divorce forum by my post and I allowed myself to stoop to their level. I only intended to have a simple conversation about this post and hope for the same here. Thanks fellas.

FOF: I appreciate your first two paragraphs. That's the kind of response that one should expect. But the last paragraph isn't really necessary. As a moderator you should especially know better.

Time for a new thread?



FOF's post is relevant, if you are truly concerned with your childrens safety and well being then you better start adding to your list of control items in the decree. How about neither parent can live on a cul de sac?


Drowning Statistics
• Each day in the United States, nine people drown.
• For each death caused by drowning, there are 1-4 nonfatal submersion accidents serious enough for the victim to be hospitilized.
• Drowning is the second leading cause of accidental injury-related death among children ages 1 to 14.
• Drowning is the leading cause of accidental injury-related death among children ages 1 to 4.
• Male children have a drowning rate more than two times that of female children. However, females having a bathtub drowning rate twice that of males.
• Among children ages 1 to 4 years, most drownings occur in residential swimming pools.
• Four-sided fencing that isolates the pool from the house and the yard has shown to decrease the number of drowning injuries anywhere from 50 to 90 percent.
• More than half of drownings among infants (under age 1) occur in bathtubs, buckets or toilets.
• Nonfatal drownings can result in brain damage that may result in long-term disabilities including memory problems, learning disabilities, and permanent loss of basic functioning.
• Nineteen percent of child drowning fatalities take place in public pools with certified lifeguards on duty.
• Roughly 5,000 children 14 and under go to the hospital because of accidental drowning-related incidents each year; 15% die and about 20% suffer from permanent neurological disability.
• Seventy-seven percent of those involved in a home-drowning accident had only been missing for five minutes or less when found in the swimming pool; 70% weren’t expected to be in or near the pool at that time.
• The most common place for a 1-4-year old child to drown is in a home swimming pool.
• In nearly 9 out of 10 child-drowning deaths, a parent or caregiver claimed to be watching the child.


http://www.edgarsnyder.com/swimming-pool/statistics.html

[MrBrightside]

Message boards, online chats and email all has it's limitations on trying to communicate with one another. Your last sentence just comes across as being a pompous < hindquarters >. And I don't have the time or patience for that sort of thing when coming to a site that is supposed to help. If you're trying to convince someone to do something diferent than what they're thinking, then just say so without all the drama and BS attached to it. Someone who is new to divorce and comes here to ask questions didn't come here to be made fun of because of the choices they made or are making.
Divorce sucks, and the men who come here for help may not have the same state of mind that you have, now that you're a certain # of months or years removed. Am I making sense?