Graduation letter to my daughter

[dobradavid]

Perhaps - apart from the graduation letter, you can share a reflection with her.

Tell her a guy you know on the internet told you about his grandfather (wonderful old man-was on the 1937 K2 expedition, 4 men died) and how in his later years he told his daughter (my mother) that since she only came to him when she wanted something - not to contact him him any more.

My mother spent the last years of his life - realizing what she had been perceived as being - trying to see her father. Even after he passed on - she's still scarred by it. And she will carry it to her grave -and beyond actually, all seven kids and the other relatives know of it.

[capslock]

Thanks Chris a. My situation is more complex, and as I have said, I don't really believe kids can be faulted.

There's a saying..
I've done so much for so long with so little,
I can do anything with nothing.

This saying is about money but as a dad I would do whatever necessary to make sure my kids did not get used to living without me, and I would never for a second give any thought to throwing in the towel.

One other thing OP mentioned. An event or vacation in Arizona. I believe parents of teens have to make it fun. Not many teens want to hang out and play yatzee. So, fishing as you mention, vacations, hiking, camping, beach. Something where they can connect with their teen.

And that's the bottom line in my opinion. It's all about a connection.

[jetstream]

Capslock,

I know you mean well but your comments are way off base. You don't understand the entire picture and it is impossible to make 18 years of life clear to you on an internet forum. Also, many of your comments seem to be based on your own experience. Apples to oranges buddy.

And since you're beating the "connection with my daughter" horse to death I'll say this. My daughter and I were once extremely close. That is until she began to be manipulated by her mother. Do I know this happened. I absolutely do. How? I found a notebook she had left behind in her closet. In it she had written about the things her mother had told her about me.

Bottom line. You know nothing about this except what I've told you. So stop posting like you have some kind of clairvoyance into this situation. I've been a good father, not perfect, but good and I will go to my grave knowing I did my best to maintain a good relationship with her. One person cannot make a relationship. It takes two. Each one holding up their end of it.

Your posts remind me of something a wise man once told me. "It's better to keep your mouth shut and let people wonder why you didn't say anything than open it and make them wonder why you did."

[jetstream]

Sorry for the rant gentlemen. Being psychoanalyzed and second guessed by someone who doesn't know me or jack < edited > about the situation he is talking about really pisses me off.

[Fatheroffour]

Such is the nature of the medium we're using.

We're all here trying to help one another.

[capslock]

You're right jetstream. Sorry.

Your daughter is at fault. Your ex wife is at fault. I'm at fault for giving an opinion about your rant against your daughter on a public forum.


Maybe you should send the letter or at least give up on her as you have mentioned. I get it now. Sorry.

[Bubba Seal]

Haven't sent it. Still debating with myself on that. But writing it sure did make me feel better!

DONT SEND THIS LETTER

maybe it felt good writting it, but if I were you I just wouldnt even send a letter if thats what you want to send her, I dont know what purpose it would serve long term other than to drive another wedge between you and her, just send her a damn check and say happy graduation, thats letter enough in this situation

[chereeda]

Frankly, from a teen girl's point of view, you don't butt in when she's trying to do things independently (the job of a teenager) yet you're still there when she needs something (the job of a parent). You might be surprised what she thinks about your reationship...

If nothing else, you could tell her you're proud that she's accomplished so much independently...and that you're there in the future as she works her way to complete independence.

donna

[jetstream]

Haven't sent it. Still debating with myself on that. But writing it sure did make me feel better!

DONT SEND THIS LETTER

maybe it felt good writting it, but if I were you I just wouldnt even send a letter if thats what you want to send her, I dont know what purpose it would serve long term other than to drive another wedge between you and her, just send her a damn check and say happy graduation, thats letter enough in this situation

Allow me to refer you to the third post on the second page of this thread where I stated that I am not sending it but will write her a nice letter instead.

[HammerDad]

If you want to have any relationship with your daughter in the future, you won't send that letter.

You essentially are pissing on her and her mom for their misdeeds to you. It reeks of self pity and pent up anger. Do you really think your kid would want a relationship with anyone who feels that way about them. I know I wouldn't.

But anyway it is ultimately your choice. Just know that sending that letter will likely send your hopes for any reconciliation in the next decade up in flames. You may or may not care about that, but that is ultimately on you.

Yeah, you've tried. Maybe now it is time to step back and let her deal with her own issues. And should she want something in future, there are ways to encourage her to earn it.