Mother is a NJ (kinda my fault)

[lostinFL]

I posted before about 50/50 custody of my now 3 month old son.

I followed all of your advice and have been seeing my son about 3 times a week for the past month. I have been visiting the baby at a friend of the familie's house with the grandmother supervising. The grandmother will go to a friends apartment but will return if I call her or after 2 hours.

It turns out that the mother has been video taping the visitations for the past two weeks and has told me that I can no longer see my son until I take her to court. She says that her grandmother had noticed that the baby was always exhausted and red faced from crying when she came back after I finished my < parenting time >, so she started video taping.

I have not abused my son at all, but I believe in the crying it out method, and that is my parenting style. She is accusing me of not comforting or taking care of the baby. I change his diaper, feed, burp, and then put him back in his crib, and yes sometimes he will cry but I don't want to spoil him. That is why I would also like to be able to take my son to my house for any future visits.

Can she get in trouble for video taping me without my permission? What should I do next? Should I have my lawyer file an emergency motion so I can have < parenting time > at my house, I don't want her to be able to spy on me again.

[BartSimpson]

The video taping is wrong. She could never use it, and having done it will likely lead the Judge to grant you parenting time without her managing the supervision. Grandmother was in on it, too. You were set-up. An attorney should have a field day with this - undisclosed third-party recording - unless there is some nanny-cam exemption I'm not aware of.

And because the video was made surreptitiously, they are going to interpret anything as an issue.

That said, you want to rethink your parenting style - it comes off as cold. Spoiling the baby isn't a concern.

[lostinFL]

The video taping is wrong. She could never use it, and having done it will likely lead the Judge to grant you parenting time without her managing the supervision. Grandmother was in on it, too. You were set-up. An attorney should have a field day with this - undisclosed third-party recording - unless there is some nanny-cam exemption I'm not aware of.

And because the video was made surreptitiously, they are going to interpret anything as an issue.

That said, you want to rethink your parenting style - it comes off as cold. Spoiling the baby isn't a concern.

The mom and grandma are certifiable.

Nanny Cam's are legal in Florida as long as there is no sound. But that should still make her look bad in court right?

She said I was neglecting the baby because I don't try to "soothe" him when he is upset and that that is abuse. The baby was fed, clean, and dry at the end of every visit. We simply have different parenting styles. Baby's are highly adaptable to different parenting styles. I think as soon as the baby gets used to me he will stop crying all the time and it would help even more once he gets used to my place.

[BartSimpson]

Dude, you could have done everything perfectly and she would still say you were abusive. She had an agenda, then placed the camera, she didn't discover this from the tape.

A good defense is to get some parenting classes in so you can whip out some hard evidence in court - take CPR, get some on-line parenting classes completed. Learn the lingo, study the history - who was Dr. Spock and why was he important to "modern" parenting?

So besides her crazy spy-cam, you've got some mature behavior to offer the Judge showing how serious you take being a Dad; actually being Super Dad!

[capslock]

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[lostinFL]

Dude, you could have done everything perfectly and she would still say you were abusive. She had an agenda, then placed the camera, she didn't discover this from the tape.

A good defense is to get some parenting classes in so you can whip out some hard evidence in court - take CPR, get some on-line parenting classes completed. Learn the lingo, study the history - who was Dr. Spock and why was he important to "modern" parenting?

So besides her crazy spy-cam, you've got some mature behavior to offer the Judge showing how serious you take being a Dad; actually being Super Dad!

I already did an on-line parenting class, it's mandatory in Florida and I'm getting certified in infant CPR next month hosted by the American Red Cross in my city. I'm doting my i's and crossing my t's.

She says has video's of the baby crying for about an hour on multiple occasions. Can I tell I just her to pound sand and that a judge will agree that I can parent any way I want, and might give custody to me because she is withholding him from me? I don't want her to think she can just play these power games with my son and I will sit back and take it.

This is why 50/50 should be the norm as soon as possible. This way mother's can't tell father's how to parent on thier time.

Any other suggestions are appreciated. I will look into Dr. Spock.

[BartSimpson]

Good question, there are very specific steps you must take.

You must present everything as if it was going to go before the Judge. Because it will.

A very business-like letter stating that you object to her interference, including this passive interference of video taping you (with audio as that makes it illegal). This is best if it could be an angry lawyer letter, but we can help you write one if you wish. Defaultuser is poking around here and he can whip a letter up real quick to give you an idea - his are real short and to the point.

It is sent by two means; Registered, Return Receipt Requested (R3) and regular mail or e-mail. It assures she got it, even if she refuses to sign for it.

You give her some chance to make up for her denial, and make clear you are serious.

You are going to eventually be before a Judge because of her, so make everything formal - none of this second chance crappola - she can explain her actions to the Judge, who ise not going to have any of this secret taping.

[lostinFL]

Good question, there are very specific steps you must take.

You must present everything as if it was going to go before the Judge. Because it will.

A very business-like letter stating that you object to her interference, including this passive interference of video taping you (with audio as that makes it illegal). This is best if it could be an angry lawyer letter, but we can help you write one if you wish. Defaultuser is poking around here and he can whip a letter up real quick to give you an idea - his are real short and to the point.

It is sent by two means; Registered, Return Receipt Requested (R3) and regular mail or e-mail. It assures she got it, even if she refuses to sign for it.

You give her some chance to make up for her denial, and make clear you are serious.

You are going to eventually be before a Judge because of her, so make everything formal - none of this second chance crappola - she can explain her actions to the Judge, who ise not going to have any of this secret taping.

Thanks BartSimpson,

I'll be talking to my lawyer tomorrow. I didn't want to go through the courts because it's so expensive, but it looks like that might be the way it goes.

But one reason I wanted all of your guys opinion is that I wanted to make sure what she did was wrong. She said her grandmother noticed that the baby was fatigued and irritable after my visits and she taped because she was afraid abuse was going on. She is going to tell the courts that I abused our son by letting him cry for hours and that it's emotional abuse. But courts shouldn't be able to tell someone how to parent. I just hope the judge doesn't fall for her cr*p.

How should I protect myself from further accusations of abuse. Should I carry my own recorder when I visit? I would have to tell them I am recording right?

[Thoughts?]

I would like to help, but need a brief paragraph summarizing your history again, and why you're on supervised. That gives me the baseline upon which she's doing all this silliness.

You say nannycams are allowed in FL. Double check the details on that. First, you're not an employed babysitter, you're the child's father. Secondly, it was not disclosed, but done clandestinely. Find the statute.

[lostinFL]

I would like to help, but need a brief paragraph summarizing your history again, and why you're on supervised. That gives me the baseline upon which she's doing all this silliness.

You say nannycams are allowed in FL. Double check the details on that. First, you're not an employed babysitter, you're the child's father. Secondly, it was not disclosed, but done clandestinely. Find the statute.

Never Married. For the first 2 months of the baby's birth. I was still pretty angry at the mother, so I refused to communicate with her and did not go visit the baby when she offered. I came on to this site and pretty much got chewed out for not visiting the baby, so I bit down my pride and told the mother I wanted to visit the baby.

I have been visiting the baby for the past month at a family friends house supervised by her mother. I have not been able to get the mother served yet because I do not know where she lives. I was hoping to meet the mom face to face once she started to trust me, so I could have her served or at her job because I know where she works.

My lawyers plan was to serve her once she went back to work after her maternity leave ends but she has not returned yet.