New Wife Resents My Daughter

[defaultuser]

You need to pull the plug on your new wife. WTF?

Yep, sounds like a HUGE NJ to me... RUN!!!

Your wife sucks. Get rid of her. And whatever you do - do NOT get her pregnant

If its not already clear what the consensus is, I agree with the guys above.

I'd sit your wife down and explain that your kid is always going to be wonderful in your eyes, no matter what she does, and that you think she's doing great things. You won't tolerate ANY criticism of your relationship with your kid, and if you spend extra time with her, then she can either STFU or GTFO.

There is only one way to respond here. I can't believe that you'd let someone you love badmouth someone else you love. Not cool.

[Trevor]

...she can either STFU or GTFO.

Love.it.

[BJABBAR]

Thanks everyone for responded. This "dark side" did not come out till after we got married and we consolidated residences and my daughter would stay with us during my visitations. This has been a Jeckyll and Hyde thing too where at times she is supported but at others she is not. The biggest items for contention are that my daughter should be working more and also on the topic of college funding. I have probably been in denial about this whole thing thinking it was going to get better so as suggested, I will try laying down the law and and trying to open up her heart on this and if that does not happen, I as you all suggest will have to say goodbye. When not dealing with Wife-Daughter issue, she is really quite generous, fun to be with and even nurturing. Heck, maybe she is just unstable...who knows! Thanks again to all.

[Trevor]

Lots of red flags here, bro. Large ones. The "Jeckyll and Hyde thing" doesn't go away and let me clue you in, it does indicate instability...no "maybe" about it.

The fact that your daughter does or does not work is none of her business...except that she clearly sees this as a zero-sum game between your daughter and her interests...this red flag doesn't go away either. College funding is the same thing.

And that she is nice when dealing with everything else except the "Wife-Daughter issue" is kinda like saying well, Ted Bundy was a personable fellow when he wasn't out killing pretty girls.

[BartSimpson]

The biggest items for contention are that my daughter should be working more and also on the topic of college funding.

The biggest item in contention is your money. Wifey wants more of it.

[capslock]

I will try laying down the law and and trying to open up her heart on this and if that does not happen, I as you all suggest will have to say goodbye.

There is no Trying about it. Either you are performing your job as a parent and protecting your child or you are not.

Choosing the phrase "I will try" indicates a personality trait that is probably the reason you are where you are now.
Don't try for 6 months or 5 years. Your daughter is viewing how you are reacting every second. I imagine a girl will be really screwed up if her daddy doesn't protect her immediately and always.

Handle yo bidness bro. Today.

[KeepingMyKids]

Tough spot...or not. It comes down to your wife or your little girl. And no matter what, she's always going to be your little girl. Don't let someone else come between you and her.

[massdaddio]

How do you and your wife handle finances? My suggestion would be that you both contribute the same amount to the household expenses, then you do whatevery you want with the rest of your money. My GF and I handle it that way and it's really worked out well. We make joint decisions on how the household money is spent (buy new appliance, paint the house, remodel kitchen), but the rest of our money we spend as we want. Most of mine goes to child support, college for my kids, vacation with my kids. She spends some of hers on her family (parents, nieces/nephews), but she saves a lot. She says she needs to be able to take care of herself in retirement since she doesn't have kids to help.

As long as your wife is not being asked to pay for child support or your daughter's college, then she really has no say in how you spend your money. That said, I would hope your daughter would be working during the summer to earn spending money while she's at school. I understand during the school year she's focused on school and other activities, but during the summer she can easily work 30-40 hours.

[wcd9973]

I'm gonna have a different approach.

Your wife being resentful of your daughter is not all that unusual. And it doesnt even mean that you should leave her over it.
It DOES mean you need to discuss how she deals with it. I'm also guessing she doesn't have any kids of her own. So her resentment is that you have a relationship with someone else that cuts time away from her, and one she doesn't have.

But she needs to see that, and accept it, and figure out how to deal.
For example - You spend time alone with your daughter. You need to say to you wife "I make sure that I spend time with you as well. But I love spending time with my daughter and we need some daddy / daughter time. I know its hard on you, and when it happens and you want to talk, I promise you that you can talk to me about it all and I wont past judgement. I'll support you if you want to see help on how to deal with it. HOWEVER - I WILL be spending time with her..so you need to figure out how to deal with that and not focus on if I should be doing it".

Now -If she refuses to work with you on this, if she simply is waiting for you to take her side....then you have even bigger issues.

[Fatheroffour]

"Shut up and get me a beer".