custody eval. report not very flattering

[dadmisseskids]

Forget it. It flew over your head.

[jumbledone]

Bubba's not the only one it flew over his head on. I thought the same thing.

And it is all meant to have the OP focus on what he can change, and what information he needs to present. There may be a disconnect between how he sees himself and his involvement, and how others view it. So, what can he do to effectuate the change in other people's view?

[Bubba Seal]

Unless I totally misread the whole deal which is highly possible, he needs to quit trying to discredit the moms ability to mom, and instead focus on things he has done historically to prove that he should be a major part of his kids lives.

I remember going thru parenting mediation, my attorney who was female told me up front dont go in there trying to discredit the mom, which of course I did. One of my major complaints was that the ex would scream and holler at the kids, my mediator was female as were both attorneys, when I brought this up, the mediator said Im a mom too, and I yell at my kids. So I just totally changed my approach at that point. The best thing I had was a picture of my daughter and a Christmas dress that I had taken her to get. When I showed them all a picture of the dress, the mediator looked at my ex and said can you really say that your husband who has taken your little girl to get a dress is unfit to have these kids with him? The ex couldnt say anything at that point, cause she couldnt say I didnt go with her to buy the dress, and my daughter was very proud of the dress to boot.

To the OP, stop fighting the whole system you arent going to win anything but dig yourself a hole.

Prove your positive qualitys as a father to anyone and everyone, thats really the only advice I can give you, but if you are going to make some osrt of allegations of everyones credibility you better have some very hard evidence to prove it, otherwise it doesnt matter.

As I said Good Luck

[pushed2far]

....

[Claudius]

I certainly do appreciate everyone's replies, and they've given me much to ponder. Am I perfect? No. Am I the horrible monster I've been made out to be? Certainly not.

STBX has done nothing but lie, steal, manipulate, involve the children, ignore the law and trash me during this divorce. Yet when I mention any of what she's done, I'm "complaining" or bashing her in some way. I've been on the ropes for months while she continues to play games and do whatever she pleases. She's manipulative, sly, charming, flirtatious and two-faced and completely fooled the CE. Under it all, she's shallow and insecure and she snow-jobbed this "doctor".

Here is a nugget: mere days after the first court appearance for the RO that she lied to get, she invites herself to my place for sex. CE's take: I'm the one persuing a sexual relationship with her...

See, if you had proof that she invited herself, that you could show the CE, it seems to me that would be a hit to her credibility. Do you live in a one-party state where you can record all conversations with her?

[Bubba Seal]

Pushed so did you have sex with her?

I dont think you understand at all what I said, forget about the ex and all the lying, Im sure from her side of things she will say the same about you, thats just the way these things work.

Your main concern should be proving why you should be a part of your kids lives, period, anything else doesnt matter. You do this by giving some sort of proof of what kind of father you have been in the past, and how you can continue to do so in the future, part of that does mean getting along some way with your ex, I dont know you or what all has been done to you by her, doesnt matter to me, but you are fighting the wrong thing in my opinion. And by doing so are shooting yourself in the foot.

[pushed2far]

...

[pushed2far]

...

[Bubba Seal]

Man you just dont understand at all do you?

As long as you are so preoccupied with her side of things, you just kinda forget your side of it, sorry man, but you are in for a ride.

Good Luck

[mcc333]

I'm seeing how the system works, and realizing it's so completely out of balance.

Hooray!!

It's so painful for me to see thousands of posts from guys who have been there and then see someone on this board wondering if divorce is . . maybe just a bit unfair.

Hell yea, it's out of balance! Now that you've finally discerned that, what are you going to do about it? My suggestion is you reread all of the thread and pick up on what experienced Dads are trying to tell you before it's too late.