An Unexpected Visitor

[KeepingMyKids]

S6 had a school field trip today, going to Chuck E Cheese and the movies to see The Lorax. About an hour and a half ago I get a phone call from his teacher saying that NJ has showed up, is this ok? Apparently about a week ago NJ had called the school to talk to kids' teachers, requesting a parent/teacher meeting with each of them today to talk about the kids performance in their classes, which is all above average. (NJ has recently stepped up her show of participation in the kids' lives, including verbally almost FORCING D9 to break out her homework while she was on the phone so she could help her.) Teacher told her that there was a field trip today but that they could schedule something for some other time, NJ left it at that.

Flash forward to today where she shows up unexpectedly at pizza place where class is eating. Deep internal breath, keeping big picture in mind, I politely tell teacher that while I was not aware that my son's mother was going to show up today, there is nothing that prohibits her from being around him, and as this was her weekend to pick them up for their visit anyway (suppressing internal "...but not until 6pm!!"), I say that if she wants to let him ride with her after the activities when the kids are released, that is fine. A while later, I get a text from the teacher saying that my son chose to ride the bus with the rest of the class I text back thanking her for keeping me in the loop on the situation and apologizing for any awkwardness, to which she says no problem and "....it was nice to meet D6's mother." (Bite back internal "That'll change.")

I figure I handled it according to Hoyle, while technically her time doesn't start til 6 pm that kind of nitpicking in this situation would be juvenile, nonproductive, and paint the wrong picture. Now if she had tried to take him back with her to Houston INSTEAD of field trip, then we would have had an issue! Won't say that it doesn't annoy me greatly (it's not like she was just in the neighborhood from three hours away), but used my brain instead of my raw emotions. You guys have any suggestions for if there's anything I missed, any sort of followup I should do, send the teacher some cookies or something?

[jamessick]

Just like so many other posts on the advice here. If she had the kids and the only time you could get was to visit them for lunch at school, you'd do it. She's apparently making an effort to be in her child's life. For the kid, that can't be a bad thing.

[KeepingMyKids]

If she had the kids and the only time you could get was to visit them for lunch at school, you'd do it.

Actually, it isn't. She's now claiming to my attorney that she had to take a two month leave of absence from school in the fall because of the stress of dealing with her adult sister filing for custody of their 17 year old brother from their parents. She claims she doesn't work, only does clinical shifts at hospital as a graduate nursing student, so that would cut those out too. Did she try to see the kids more? No; at the time she actually sent me an email telling me she would have to forego her weekends for about a month because "...my schedule is unpredictable, as you know." But she had time to work her renaissance faire, make several trips with her pirate singing group (one to Fort Worth from Houston), record a CD with the same group. Nope, I give her no credit at all because now she's trying to appear involved only because she's angling for custody.

[defaultuser]

I was once accused of volunteering at school and being involved just to get custody. I replied, "You're right, but I promise to keep on faking it for as long as I'm a father."

Sometimes parents show up at weird and awkward times and that isn't good, but in general, its a good thing when they do show up. My X hardly ever shows up for anything. The few times she does really means a lot to the kids and I encourage it.

[Trevor]

I wouldn't make a big deal of it further, other than to thank the teacher personally next time you see her, for keeping you in the loop.

[Chris A]

Is the teacher hot?

Kidding. I will trade you NJ's any day. It's good to be wary but don't stress as a true NJ will never follow through. Just be the best dad you can and you will always win.

[Outis]

Better than most experiences. Took S7 to school, stuck around for his student of the month award. On the way there, he's telling me NJ got the morning off to be there (and she lives 10x closer to the school than I do). The look on his face when he didn't see her...heartbreaking.

You did the right thing.

[Thoughts?]

I don't see anything that wrong with what she did. You would have come off very poorly if you didn't handle it just like you did. You need to let go of your anger bud, you did nothing special here, and would've looked like an a$s had you raised an objection.

[KeepingMyKids]

I don't see anything that wrong with what she did. You would have come off very poorly if you didn't handle it just like you did. You need to let go of your anger bud, you did nothing special here, and would've looked like an a$s had you raised an objection.

Eh, that's why I didn't raise any objection, just irks me how much she and Mr. Wonderful #3 go on about how she does "so much" for them (always late and short on child support, buys them expensive toys that she makes them leave at their apartment, doesn't enforce any rules while they're there). Zero school involvement until two weeks ago, right around the time she's apparently started telling people that she's getting ready to go back to court.

More of a rant than anything else. All better when after phone call D9 asks me to help her with her homework because "....that's what we do."

[jamessick]

I would think a detailed journal would be perfect in case the ex leaps at the chance for court. A detailed journal will show the dates of her involvement. Most any judge would see it for what it was I would hope.