where do i start

[Sandog]

My ex is a great person, real mother of the year. Our decree states that we have 50/50 parental decision making when it comes to anything our child does or is involved in, but if we do not agree that the mother gets to make the final decision, well to her this means she doesnt have to listen to me. This bothers me. We also have issues with her not doing well in school, and have recently gotten notes from school for not paying attention. Instead of trying to help my daughter, she belittled the teacher until she was almost in tears, blaming it on her. Pathetic. She told me that her happiness comes first, then school. She has also told me things like I couldnt spell in school either, so its ok. I could go for hours. Everytime I try and say something she threatens to take me to court and raise my support. This bothers me, I have always been involved as much as possible and worked my butt of to provide for my family, she has yet to work a day in her life. Why does this system have to be so skewed? How can they think this is a healthy environment for a child?

Last but not least, it gets better. Due to some stories from my daughter, and some suspicions, I recently found out my ex and her hubby are members of an adult swinging sex website. There are pics of them both in and around the house doing things that my 10 year old does not need to stumble upon. My daughter comes to our house every other weekend, and on the other weekends she seems to be always spending the night somewhere. She has also told me before that she went to her moms new friends house and they made her play in the basement all night with the other couples kids while they were upstairs as my daughter says having adult time. I am not a rich man and cannot afford a healthy court bill, but this is rediculous. My daughter has quit everything she has started, but her mom tells her she is a superstar, ie swimming, piano, violin, tap class, jazz dance class. She puts in no effort in any of these activities that I help pay for aside from my support and she tells her she is the best and well, Im sure you know the rest. What can I do if anything to assure that my kid has a bright future, and doesnt end up like this? It is so disheartening to watch this unfold. I seriously at this point feel like a babysitter and not a dad. I have no role or no decision in my own kids life. Help please!

[CCR]

"Our decree states that we have 50/50 parental decision making when it comes to anything our child does or is involved in, but if we do not agree that the mother gets to make the final decision"

You agreed to it so that's the way it is.

Nothing you wrote would change custody.

Feeling like a babysitter is a choice.

You are a dad. Act like one.

[Fatheroffour]

My state divide the decision making authority the same way and the practical reality is that sharing joint legal authorizes you to be able to access all the medical and educational records of the kids and get the information you need but the custodial parent has the final decision making authority. You just can't have parents clogging the courts with every minor decision that both parents can agree on. Someone has to be in charge.

How active are you in kiddos education and extracurricular activities? Do you know the teachers and interact with them regularly? Volunteer to help in the school and classrooms?

Moms a swinger? That's not really going to be an issue.

[BartSimpson]

I highly recommend you figure out a way to travel with your daughter.

Otherwise your daughter is going to be a raging Nut Job, she will bulldoze her way through men, leaving the good ones destroyed by her whim, and perpetuating the entitlement cycle with your grandchildren.

Travel to foreign lands, to third-world countries, to difficult objectives with long passages. Travel is the only hope you have to cure your daughter's ignorance.

[Sandog]

Thanks guys for the advice. And trust me, I try to be a part of her life as much as I can and her mother tries to make it as difficult as she can. Just got home from gymnastics. She did her first back tuck tonight. I agreed to the decree 10 years ago. I had no money for a lawyer, no family to help me, and she moved out and took everything. I was 24 years old, and had nowhere to turn. I just wanted to move on. Was it wrong, yes, but I didnt know what else to do. Thanks though. I appreciate it.

[Fatheroffour]

Oh, the things we do in our youth that we regret late!

I could write a book/

I think your best bet is to keep a close eye on your childs education or any other aspect of her life where you can get an in for a modification and use it to get more time with her. Thats the key for you to be able to impart your values on to her.

Best of luck to you.