Left with no choice

[martyusa]

My ex-wife and I have had joint custody agreement for sometime now. I have the kids about 75% of the time, but she still feels this is 50/50, but doesn't think so when it's time to cover all of the extra curricular activities. So in according to the guidlines, I had to claim both of the kids on taxes. that was an easy choice..

Now she tells me that her lease is up in April and has no plans as of yet. She has been late so many times that they will probably not renew her. She is also losing 800.00 a month CS from her other ex and cries that she will not be able to make it without that money as she can not make it now. She date a man that lives 70 miles away in another state. She has not given me any inclination that she is prepared for this change and repeatedly tells me she does not know what to do.

To top it off, the kids are sleeping together again, 1 10 year old boy and 1 7 year old little girl. Usually my daughter sleeps in a room with her soon to be 18 year old half sister. 3 animals constantly pissing all over the place, including the kids beds. She stores the dog and her crate in my sons room. It's all just driving me crazy.

And now the kids will be attending different schools and the ex wants my son to go to one of the worst middle schools in the state, because it will be easier for her. But she fails to realize that the schools for the kids open about an hour apart and she has no clue how she is going to manage that task.

Since she has no action plan and I fear of a sudden move to Jersey, I filed a motion for modification of custody. I know that she's going to be pissed, but this is not about her or me, but the kids. We are looking to move about 8 miles away, but the school district is one of the best in the state. This is the drive for our move. My heart tells me that I am doing the right thing for the kids, but she has a tendency to team build with them and inform them of adult convos.

So I really feel that i was left with no other option since she was not willing to negotiate the terms or have an action plan when she loses her apt and her money.

Thoughts?

[Thoughts?]

There are bits missing. Who has primary? Her? If you have 50-50 but the kids really reside with you 75%, why is she picking the schools, if you have true joint? Or is this the issue you want to correct?

[martyusa]

There are bits missing. Who has primary? Her? If you have 50-50 but the kids really reside with you 75%, why is she picking the schools, if you have true joint? Or is this the issue you want to correct?

It is true joint. However, since I still reside in their current school district, I get the kids after they get home from school on her days. Then she picks them up when she finishes work at 6 PM. And then she drops them off in the morning for school. So, in theory, I am the daycare provider on her days. I have provided more than 50% of their care this year and she has failed to meet the 50/50 obligation as I have paid for everything. i.e. school lunches, field trips, baseball, Karate. Next year there will be 2 different schools and 2 different start times which are 1 hour apart. She has no clue how she is going to manage that since she doesn't know where she will live after April 2012. So let's just say that I am a proactive parent and not a reactive one.

The Children are also being forced to sleep together when mt daughter's room is to filthy as she is 7 and shares it with a 17 year old. When the boyfriend comes over, we now have 4 kids, 2 adults, 2 cats and 1 dog in a 3 bedroom apt.

I don't want to take the kids away from her, because she is the fun mom and the kids love going over there. But she is not now, nor will she be ready in the future to give them a proper place to accommodate everyone. And her boyfriend has a house 70 miles away in another state. What is to stop her from filing an ex-parte order with some bogus crap and packing them up and moving to Jersey. If I get the same Judge as i did last time, then I will be victorious. Since the Judge has already scolded her about the living arrangements and the children sleeping with each other or with her.

And to top it off, the kids love telling me that they get to watch things over there that they are not allowed to watch at home. Ya know, like a 7/10 year old watching an unedited version of the exorcist or the entire Jack < hindquarters > series and the wonderful shows that their sister watches on MTV. Now I have poor Kylie always wanting short shorts, folding down her sweat pant, tight jeans, shirts that are too small so they can show skin. la la la.... maybe not a big deal to a lot of parents, but I will not have my Daughter in the bathroom at 14 sucking some high school boys < wee-wee > like her sister did because mom in reactive and not proactive. There is a lot more to the story.....

[CCR]

In my state, by statute all time spent with the non-custodial parent in lieu of daycare for the CP is considered time with the CP, + custody is determined by overnights and not hours.

From what you described, it sounds like you would be labeled the non-custodial parent.

[Fatheroffour]

Not much the courts can do to keep your girl out of bathrooms.

[KeepingMyKids]

Don't let her being the "fun mom" influence you. Be the "responsible dad." Do what's best for your kids welfare.

[martyusa]

Much has happened since my last visit.... Of course I filed for full custody and we plan on moving and she flips her lid. God forbid if we men are allowed to move on with our lives. It's as if they want us to stay miserable, which is the reason most of us divorced them in the first place.

Anyway... I was scheduled to have surgery on Feb. 3rd. I asked the kids if the were ok staying with their sister for a couple of hours until mom gets home. My son says, he doesn't care and my daughter was an emphatic NO. I ask her why? (this is interrogation in their eyes) She tells me that her sister is mean to her. I blow it off as typical sibling rivally and teenage nonsense. Then she tells me, well there is something, but mommy said to keep it a secret and not tell you. I explain to my kids, as I always have, that there are no secrets. If they can't talk to dad, then they talk to mom and the same goes the other way.
She tells me the her 17 YO sister was taking a bath and instructed my YO daughter to get her camera and take a picture of the 17YO while she is in the tub. Hmmmm Red flag goes up right away since it is a secret. I contact mom and she acts like, um what are you talking about? Mom blows it off, but I do not. I call a friend in LE and get advice. I follow it and contact the police. A report is filed, but of course the picture is deleted. Then I get a phone call from a friend of the 17yo telling me that she has been smoking pot and keeps it in her book bag. I call mom and leave her a nice message. She sends backa text and freaks out. Again, I call my friend and follow his advice and call the detective at the school. They find nothing on her person.

All of this happens on Feb 1st and 2nd. She takes this and turns it completely around and files for a PFA while I am having surgery. And of course, she gets it. I get served on Wed for court on Fri and ask for a continuance. And I get it only to have her bark at the commissioner and gets very angry. Not scared mind you, but angry.

I already have filed for custody and contempt charges and now I have to deal with this bogus PFA. court comes and we have the same commissioner that she barked at. It's gets dismissed and she again freaks out. now she is team building with my ex and the ex of my wife. And all of this because we wanted to move and out the kids in a better school district. I just don't get it sometimes?

[martyusa]

It's happened...

Not only has the ex moved to another neighboring state without approval, but has decided to team up with an ex she couldn't stand and my beautiful wife's E.H. Getting bad advice and posting BS in open forums on FB. However, I have not permitted the kids to leave the state that they reside unless it is her weekend. So I have had more over nights and hope to continue to do the same. Deposition has been set as well as the custody hearing, rule to show cause and everything wrapped up into one. I've done my best to keep things away from the kids, but when she posts it in open forums and is friends with my son's best friends, things do get back to him. I can't keep covering for her and he is starting to figure it all out on his own.Although I keep telling him to maintain respect for his mother, he's very angry and she keeps blocking me from taking him to see someone.

My son will be attending one of the most prestigious private schools in our area and I am trying to get my daughter in the same school that her stepbrother goes to. Of course she agrees for my son to go but now refuses to help pay. So now that I have paid for the testing fee and the non-refundable contract fee, she decides to balk. But no matter what it takes, I'll make sure he gets what he needs to get him there and keep him there. that is where he wants to go. Not only for the academics, but the outstanding baseball program.

My daughter is a different story. Although she is not Catholic, she wishes to attend the same school as her step brother. She see's how well he has excelled, but again I am blocked from sending her. For the ex's have started team building and are trying to disrupt the strong family bond that my wife and I have fought hard to maintain. But again, we will find a way to get her into this school as it is in her best interest to attend. Not only to increase her ability, but to assist with coping skills dealing with this mess that has been created.

The irony of it all is that she is getting advice from those from my past as they all like to post nasty things in open forums. yes, everything is printed and documented. So instead of setting priorities she just keeps falling into the drama and making sure she tells the kids all the grit. I would assume that she thinks that this will make the kids think badly of me, but all it has done is make the kids question why dad has been so nice in the past when mom is so mean. They can call me what they will, they can talk however they wish. Nothing will stop me from doing what is in the best interest for my children as well as my stepson.

We all come here to seek advice and to express certain concerns to find advice and encouragement. We come here in hopes of finding the right path and keeping things real. I understand that some of our stories are one sided, but when someone seeks advice from a women who can't stop her ever lasting affairs and parental alienation along with her addiction to pain medication, but also seeks advice from someone who takes prozac like they are tictacs and has attempted suicide more times than there are letters in the word. She has reached bottom and is trying anything to provoke me into breaking the law, but I refuse to fall into the trap. My kids are the most important and always will be. They have all made attempts, but to no avail. Even filing false sex and physical abuse allegation with the sate, which have come back unfounded and false.

I can only hope that she sees what she is doing and stops. We can only hope that she starts putting the kids first instead of empty attempts at making dad and step-mom look bad. We have a strong family unit and nothing has worked to disrupt that as of yet. My wife and I will not let any of this BS effect our happiness or the happiness of the family. But i must admit that it is forever becoming more difficult to keep things from the kids when all they want to do is have open communication around the children and continue to post nasty comments of FB. We never thought it would be this bad. And here I waived 37k in marital debt so she could get on with her life, boy was I the fool...

[BartSimpson]

Your children are too young for FB, so how is it they see the postings? (rhet.)

You should get off FB, and disregard anything posted there. It's not the public forum you describe, she is not shouting in the town square, and all it serves to do is get you riled up.

Delete your own FB, don't ask anyone to keep tabs on her FB, and understand that she's writing such things to get your goat - and she has.

[martyusa]

Your children are too young for FB, so how is it they see the postings? (rhet.)

You should get off FB, and disregard anything posted there. It's not the public forum you describe, she is not shouting in the town square, and all it serves to do is get you riled up.

Delete your own FB, don't ask anyone to keep tabs on her FB, and understand that she's writing such things to get your goat - and she has.

My kids do not have FB, they are too young. However, I can't control some of the other kids whom are friends with my boy. The ex is trying to get me roused but it's not working, I just attempt to keep the contact between certain people at a minimum.

Ya see, for her it's not about the kids. It's about winning and always has been, that's why she has involved so many people. Now she has called out other members of my family and those people I cannot control. She has created a war with the redneck part of my family.

My FB page is all positive and it's my medium for my USMC buddies, family and baseball coaches. My kids have NO access to FB, so once school is over I won't have to much to worry about.