Prso/cons of week on/week off custody schedule

Parental Alienation Syndrome, Malicious Mother Syndrome, dealing with the ex, and various other non-legal concerns throughout the process.

Prso/cons of week on/week off custody schedule

Postby madalex » Sun Apr 25, 2010 7:29 am

Divorced five years.
Two daughters (ages 16 and 10).
Currently have 50/50 custody.
Current custody schedule is slightly modified 5/2/2/5.

Ex sent me an e-mail yesterday requesting that I consider changing custody schedule to week on/week off. What are the pros and cons of such a schedule compared to what we currently have?

I should add that ours is not a "high conflict" divorce and ex has historically not tried to keep kids from me or interfere with the existing schedule. That being said, I don't trust her and I would be interested in any thoughts as to how her proposed revised schedule can be used to her benefit/my detriment.
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Re: Prso/cons of week on/week off custody schedule

Postby Trevor » Sun Apr 25, 2010 8:56 am

I don't know the answer to your question as I have been stuck in EOW for the same amount of time you've been divorced. But that won't stop me from answering!

Maybe your X told you why she seeks the change, though her reasons should be meaningless to you.

Your D16 is either in, or will be starting HS, and her activities that do not include mom and Dad will increase significantly. This is natural and healthy (behind keeping up grades), so it seems fewer changes between homes would simplify her life. And since you already know her schedule, you can probably slip in a dinner or something during the "week off." "Hey sweetie, are you hungry?" works GREAT for me.

The kids are old enough now where you can ask them how it may affect them, and what they think, after you have already analyzed for yourself. Of course if you determine the change will not work for you, you won't bother raising it with them. But if you decide for it, or are truly agnostic on the issue, their input will help, and they will feel good that you are including them in the discussion.

If you and your X decide to change, and since you seem to have a cordial relationship, maybe you can discuss it with the kids together at a lunch meeting.

Okay, lots of blather about which you didn't ask. Plenty of guys with WOWo schedules will surely comment.
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Re: Prso/cons of week on/week off custody schedule

Postby grgr » Sun Apr 25, 2010 10:14 am

Maybe agree to week on, week off, on a trial basis for a month or two then everyone will have a better feel for wanting to keep that schedule or go back to the old one.
The person who cares the least controls the relationship.
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Re: Prso/cons of week on/week off custody schedule

Postby kmich91262 » Sun Apr 25, 2010 1:22 pm

I have a week on, week off schedule of a 6 year old. Been doing this for now going on 3 years which includes separation and almost 2 years of being divorced. The only thing I've got advice on is making sure the exchange time (i.e. day) is on a non-weekend. My ex wouldn't settle unless we kept the same schedule we had during the separation which was and still is Sunday - Sunday, noon exchange time. It makes it difficult to plan things for a weekend whether with your kids or without them if the exchange time is during the weekend. So if you are wanting to do a weekend get away with them and the ex is not very open to allowing extra time, guess what you need to be back for the exchange time. The same holds true if you are out of town and unable to find somebody that can watch your kids (or at least the youngest) while out of town. Otherwise I think that the current schedule works great since it tends to create a consistence schedule (i.e. wakeup times, bed times, home work, ect). Just food for thought.
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Re: Prso/cons of week on/week off custody schedule

Postby madalex » Mon Apr 26, 2010 5:13 am

Some great thoughts and suggestions so far. Thanks to all who have responded. I'm open to more opinions as well.
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Re: Prso/cons of week on/week off custody schedule

Postby hoosier_dad » Mon Apr 26, 2010 7:04 am

I've had week on week off for several months now. Here's my thoughts:

Pros
- tradeoffs on Fridays making it easy to plan weekend activities
- each parent gets the full school week so homework and projects/tests don't fall through the cracks due to handoffs
- less tradeoffs with ex resulting in less stress between the two of us (my case anyway)
- kids take a day or two to get adjusted to new household, having a whole week makes it easier on them to feel settled

Cons
- a full week is a long time to go without seeing kids. Having a midweek dinner helps a lot, also if kids have a lot of sports or school activities during the week it helps
- parents can't plan a weeknight activity since they'll have kids every other week, so classes or sports are tough to do
Last edited by hoosier_dad on Mon Apr 26, 2010 7:48 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Prso/cons of week on/week off custody schedule

Postby 7971C » Mon Apr 26, 2010 7:44 am

IMO, the only thing that sucks about week on/week off is that you have to go a week without seeing your kids.

Definately get a Wednesday evening (maybe with an overnight) on your off week.

Other than that, you get to see your kids a lot and have a lot of free time. Works for me.
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Re: Prso/cons of week on/week off custody schedule

Postby KandAdad » Mon Apr 26, 2010 7:57 am

been doing week on/off for several years now with 4 and 6 year olds.
as commented, make sure your exchanges are at school. do not get stuck trying to schedule weekend swaps...it'll drive you nuts. Mine are done on wednesdays, so I haven't seen NJ in probably 6 months.

yes, it's a long time to go without your kids, but it's a long time to have them uninterrupted. I go to the kid's school for lunch on my off week. they love it, i'm a hero, and i don't have to deal with NJ.
"< parenting time >" is a disgusting word.
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Re: Prso/cons of week on/week off custody schedule

Postby novadad » Mon Apr 26, 2010 8:43 am

I've had week on/week off of D10, S8 for almost three years. For me it works like a charm. Mine is fairly low conflict. NJ and I see eye to eye on most parenting matters. We also live < 5 miles apart and both have some flexibility in our schedules, which helps a lot when one of us has to travel or something.

I have kids Fri after to school to following Fri drop off at school. Weeks I have them, NJ has them Tue after school until 8PM. Weeks she has them, I have Tue after school until 8PM. We both attend basically all sport, scouting, school events so it's rare that I don't see them at last twice even on "her" week.

It took a little while to adjust to the dichotomy of single dad week/single guy week but I like this setup a lot.

Kids have adjusted pretty well. Overall, I wouldn't want a different arrangement. So, if you're geographically close enough and co-parent well, I say go for it.

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Re: Prso/cons of week on/week off custody schedule

Postby bionic » Mon Apr 26, 2010 10:47 pm

PRO = Piece of Mind

My main item we are fighting for in trial this week is 7/7 and NJ is fighting it tooth and nail. I have a good case based on her being beyond difficult, issuing me driving schedules, daycare out of the park and me needing to travel for work which she would never bend for...

I am going for friday exchange at school - must get it this way IMO.
Going for each parent responsible for their own driving and their own childcare. She took me back for a support mod and is getting the kitchen sink. Thanks to this forum my case and documentation I provided in discovery is strong.

Ill let you know how it works out and if we settle prior to court.
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