Splitting up siblings

Parental Alienation Syndrome, Malicious Mother Syndrome, dealing with the ex, and various other non-legal concerns throughout the process.

Splitting up siblings

Postby dadmisseskids » Wed Feb 17, 2010 8:43 pm

If a judge awards you custody of your son but not your daughter, would you accept splitting them up? Even if they lived 4 hours apart? Or, would you decline that offer and let him stay with NJ?
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Re: Splitting up siblings

Postby ADad » Wed Feb 17, 2010 9:53 pm

Unless you're talking a LARGE gag in ages, then no judge would do so.

If the age is so great that this might be a reality, then maybe depending on many other factors.

Is age is similar and/or siblings have a relationship...then I would take both. NOT GIVE INTO NJ.
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Re: Splitting up siblings

Postby defaultuser » Wed Feb 17, 2010 10:50 pm

In your case, I would take custody for sure, as hard as it is.

It would be very useful down the road to show how succesful your son is in your care, and that your D would be the same.
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Re: Splitting up siblings

Postby Fatheroffour » Thu Feb 18, 2010 5:39 am

Yes, DMK. You absolutely take the split custody.

You bond and repair the damage done with the child you can save.

You make sure they thrive.

You build the case for saving the other child.

You win this war one battle at a time.
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Re: Splitting up siblings

Postby dadmisseskids » Thu Feb 18, 2010 8:39 am

ADad wrote:Unless you're talking a LARGE gag in ages, then no judge would do so.
This was the judges idea. It's in my court order as a recommendation pending two reports. My kids are 6 and 7.
ADad wrote:Is age is similar and/or siblings have a relationship...then I would take both. NOT GIVE INTO NJ.
I filed a custody mod for both kids but the judge doesn't think I can be a single parent to D7.

@ default and FOF, thanks for the input. I'm still torn. At face value this doesn't seem like it would be good for my kids to grow up without each other. The alternative is to be raised by NJ and NJ's aunt.
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Re: Splitting up siblings

Postby Fatheroffour » Thu Feb 18, 2010 10:22 am

Are your kids better off in the NJ's care?

Obviously, you think not. I agree.

The key to getting both primarially in your care may be that you have to do it one at a time. IMO, you should jump at the opportunity without a second thought. It's not exactlt a Sophie's Choice.

Look at this differently. They won't be without each other forever. You'll have the opportunity to spend lots of one on one quality time with your son (important and more difficult to do with multiple children) and build the case for the later addition of your daughter.
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Re: Splitting up siblings

Postby teddy » Thu Feb 18, 2010 2:55 pm

If you are offered custody of one child, you absolutely take it, and begin building your case for the other, based on the child in your custody thriving.

You many not be able to save the world in one fell swoop, but you can by God save your children, one at a time..
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Re: Splitting up siblings

Postby Lawrence » Thu Feb 18, 2010 3:44 pm

Consider that half a win is better than no win, and you live to fight another day. Especially with your nutty judge.

If you can get full custody of son and daughter stays with mom, then you have leverage to negotiate better terms for mom to see son and then get better terms for you to see daughter.

It is uncommon but not unheard of to split custody of kids in tough situations. I have a friend who divorced and he got full custody of eldest son, and NJ got full custody of the youngest son and two daughters. He lost 3 of 4 kids... but then he got 1 of the 4 that he had otherwise lost...

So, it all depends on your situation on what is better.

On the flip side, I think you do have a case for an appeal later down the road if you don't let the judge strong-arm you into a compromise. I think the judge knows you have a solid case and is actively seeking a way to keep you from pushing this to the limit, and actually getting the custody you want.
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Re: Splitting up siblings

Postby Lawrence » Thu Feb 18, 2010 3:54 pm

Also...

You can counter that you will agree to the split custody under very strict circumstances.

- that NJ seek psychological help.
- that daughter is provided a counselor (not an abuse counselor) but some type of general social work counselor.
- that the contempt charge against NJ for false abuse charges is pursued. (this may be two issues I can't remember) Buy NJ must at least appologize in writing for making up false charges.
- that the alternative for future mediation or custody be included somehow.
- set conditions for reviewing custody in a year or so based on whatever medical or review standards your attorney and you can deem necessary. (or something like that)
- have very specific rules for parenting visitations or time be drawn up in context of your current problems with being 4 hours away.

If judge is asking you to give up something, (your daughter) she by Gosh better be giving you some solid legal teeth to enforce the judgements.

Point out to the judge that one of the main reason you are in court is because she won't enforce the previous judgement. So no point for you to accept a compromise if she's just going to hand down another unenforceable ruling.
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Re: Splitting up siblings

Postby dadmisseskids » Thu Feb 18, 2010 4:27 pm

Lawrence wrote:You can counter that you will agree to the split custody under very strict circumstances.
I can tell you why this won't work.
Lawrence wrote:that NJ seek psychological help.
The judge ordered NJ to get a psych eval in March of 2009. Here it is almost a year later and the judge REFUSED to put a time line on NJ for it after my lawyer asked in two separate hearings to do so.
Lawrence wrote:that daughter is provided a counselor (not an abuse counselor) but some type of general social work counselor.
I objected to D7's counselor because she REFUSED to let me be at the second appointment with D7 after NJ hid the first one from me. Did the judge care? Nope, my objection to D7 seeing this therapist was overruled.
Lawrence wrote:that the contempt charge against NJ for false abuse charges is pursued.
You don't understand. The judge STILL believes this took place even though I never left D7's side that day AND the CE testified the allegations by NJ were a "total fabrication."
Lawrence wrote:set conditions for reviewing custody in a year or so based on whatever medical or review standards your attorney and you can deem necessary.
Ok, how about this. NJ was arrested for abusing prescription medication (writing fake scripts for herself) and convicted just before the last custody trial. The CE stated she has substance abuse disorder according to her real-life history and the MMPI-2. He recommended NJ get drug testing past her one-year, court ordered drug testing. Did the judge care? Nope. You know what she told NJ? She said, "Maybe you shouldn't work at a dentist office anymore."
Lawrence wrote:have very specific rules for parenting visitations or time be drawn up in context of your current problems with being 4 hours away.
I mentioned this point this past week to the judge. She replied with, "You have no idea what long distance parenting is like until you live 800 miles from your kids."

Finally, and most importantly, the judge told me last year, "I will not take the kids away from their mother." You can't argue with someone who has that mentality and isn't even shy about it.
"Success depends on your backbone, not your wishbone"

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