Suggestions for Daddy Scholarship Terms

[Trevor]

I still wish that things were like they were 30+ years ago when a kid often times supported themselves through college.

I am not sure what you are meaning; both of my kids are doing it today, as are my gf's kids. My college fund and retirement accounts were emptied to fund the custody fight, so my kids had no choice...either with the funding or the decision to metriculate. More kids are enrolled in college these days than ever (so I understand...can't cite a report, but have heard it often in news reports) despite the higher tuition.

[secondhalf]

I am not sure what you are meaning; both of my kids are doing it today, as are my gf's kids.

Absolutely fantastic!!!!

It does seem that we have strayed a bit from the original question so in an attempt to get back.


(1) kid shows dad respect; And dad shows kid's respect
(2) kid stays in regular contact with dad; And dad makes a good faith effort to stay in contact with kid. One good way to start the process is to assist in move-ins and move-outs.
(3) kid gets B average; Some kids would have a hard time making a "B" average. So perhaps on a case by case basis
(4) dad gets grade reports; Fully agree!!!!
(5) get pays for any classes where he/she screws up and has to drop; Not sure I agree here as it is seldom that a kid goes through school without having to drop a class. Perhaps, allow one or two drops per four years.
(6) kid spends 50% of his time back in the home town, when in town, at dad's place; Very hard to do this as the dad may come off as very controlling. You want your kids to be an adult and by forcing this issue you may be treating them as kids.
(7) dad gets tax deduction, and kid signs paper work (driver licenses, voter registiration, using dads place as official primary abode, anything else), to support dad getting it.
Again hard to enforce without appearing controlling

Would add in student must maintain a full-time academic load through the course of 8 academic semesters. Would also add that parent only pays for 8 academic semesters. Finally would add that exceptions are included for semesters spent on internships.

Finally, in states that require college to be addressed a well worded decree does cover most of the above.

[Thoughts?]

Having had two kids in college under the 'daddy scholarship' for two years I find some of your objections simply objecting for objecting sake.

Dad shows kid respect? Give me a break. That's just insulting. They are their own people -- they are adults -- and can go their own way. Of course they should be treated respectfully. If you abuse the relationship, they won't want to spend time around you. But if they're taking your money & won't show basic respect to you, then that's a problem. I find it odd you'd even post that.

Of course I help them with move ins & move outs, that's part of the experience. I also show up at many events & home football games & have volunteered for quite a few things on campus. I have donated to both the sports & academic foundations.

50% of their time (when they are in town at my place)? I've shown a lot of flexibility on that point. One wanted to spend a little more time with his mom as he had a neighbor back from school who he wanted to hang with. The other wanted to hang more at my place because he wanted to use my gym. Great -- on both counts. But I still encouraged they split time on the major holidays (i.e., Christmas Eve at one place, Day at the other) between our places. Expectations will be adjusted in the future if they have a key relationship (i.e., "the one") where they also need to hang. And it's done via coaching with their having full independence to hop in their car & do their own thing much of the time. Not through guilt trips or threats.

Tax deduction? My deal with my sons is we do a cost benefit. I run taxes both ways. If it benefits me, I pay them the equivelent of what they would have gotten back from the IRS, and I get the deduction which is worth more to me. It is a "cash neutral" business decision. They're out nothing and I capture the tax benefit as I'm in a high bracket.

Reading your responses, I find an undertone of your assuming we have "Stupid" pasted on our forehead or something. I mean, these are rough terms, with reasonable people expected to apply reasonable interpretations to their circumstances.

Saying getting the tax deduction in controlling is ridiculous. It needs to be cost benefitted and worked out with the kid. And I'm paying his way, yes I will get the benefit, with a nod to what he would have gotten on his return, which isn't much for a college level part-time job.

Saying the dad must show the kid respect is also pretty insulting.

By all means, if you're applying this in a state where college support is mandatory it has to be customized to that state's laws & norms. It's no longer a daddy scholarshiph -- it's called mandatory child support. Any customization of the terms you might get are gravy, and certainly do not override state law. However, in 85% of the states, college support is not mandatory, so therefore your voluntary payment of fees to an adult child's college should have rules built around it, stipulated by the person carrying the checkbook.

Let's assume that all people who would apply these terms do so with some common sense, ok?

[secondhalf]

No disrespect intended. My comments were solely based upon extreme situations I have witnessed where one or the other parent throws out some "rules" that are completely intended to manipulate the young adult beyond anything reasonable and have had some dire consequences in the relationship between parent and child and even between siblings. I fully agree that there should (no must) be rules around any moneys intended for post-secondary education (be it "daddy scholarship", spelled out in the divorce decree or a combination of the two).

And now let me explain my situation a bit. Also two in college. College student 1 not financially involved in the divorce as far a college is concerned. At graduate school ex coerced (college student 1's words) college student 1 to live with her in exchange for babysitting (so she could live her high life) and house cleaning. College student didn't have a life of college student's own. To this day college student 1, now 26, is not very good socially or in managing money. College student 1 has very good grades

College student 2's finances was governed by carefully worded divorce decree. College student 2 has thus far refused to fall into the coercion from mother. College student 2 very good socially and very good managing money. College student 1 has very good grades.

My take is that the carefully worded divorce decree has mostly stopped ex in her coercion attempts. Albeit, ex has told me "I have more financial skin into this so it is my decision......." Not so.

Now as a disclaimer.....I fully realize that kids can be different.

[Patrick Price]

I had the same problem only my kid got his GED. I told him that your either joining the Army or the Salvation Army! you aint laying up around here all day. He joined the Army 3 years ago and is gonna use the GI bill for his education. I would never co-sign a student loan unless my child had 4.0 avg with impecable credentials. But thats just me.

[houstonjw]

I am not sure what you are meaning; both of my kids are doing it today, as are my gf's kids.

Absolutely fantastic!!!!

It does seem that we have strayed a bit from the original question so in an attempt to get back.


(1) kid shows dad respect; And dad shows kid's respect
(2) kid stays in regular contact with dad; And dad makes a good faith effort to stay in contact with kid. One good way to start the process is to assist in move-ins and move-outs.
(3) kid gets B average; Some kids would have a hard time making a "B" average. So perhaps on a case by case basis
(4) dad gets grade reports; Fully agree!!!!
(5) get pays for any classes where he/she screws up and has to drop; Not sure I agree here as it is seldom that a kid goes through school without having to drop a class. Perhaps, allow one or two drops per four years.
(6) kid spends 50% of his time back in the home town, when in town, at dad's place; Very hard to do this as the dad may come off as very controlling. You want your kids to be an adult and by forcing this issue you may be treating them as kids.
(7) dad gets tax deduction, and kid signs paper work (driver licenses, voter registiration, using dads place as official primary abode, anything else), to support dad getting it.
Again hard to enforce without appearing controlling

Would add in student must maintain a full-time academic load through the course of 8 academic semesters. Would also add that parent only pays for 8 academic semesters. Finally would add that exceptions are included for semesters spent on internships.

Finally, in states that require college to be addressed a well worded decree does cover most of the above.

actually would push the 8 semesters to 10. very few people in college these days actually finish in 4 years without at least 2 summers at a full time load. most who finish in 4 years hit 1 f 2 categories. are really smart and don't have to spend as much time outside of class as most students, or those who ignore life to finish college quickly. IMHO (based on going to college in my late 20's/early 30's (F90 to S96 both BS and MS (MS in 1 year) - and having to pay my own way living and college) kids should have the full college experience and pushing a finish in 4 years for most is a stretch.

[massdaddio]

I disagree - 4 years is not a stretch, it's the norm. My oldest daughter is going to finish in 3 years. She does not work during the school year, has plenty of time to go to class, study and have a very active social life at school. During the summer she works full-time and takes 1 online course. She took honors courses in high school that gave her enough credits to finish a year early. My friends' kids have all finished in 4 years, some at state schools, some a ivy league colleges. They all had a great college experience. There may be some kids who find college classes a challenge and need to reduce their workload, but I think most kids can handle the normal workload.

I paid for all my own college. I worked 2 jobs in the summer, worked part-time throughout school, had some student loans and I still had plenty of time to get the full college experience.

[secondhalf]

Based on "National Center for Educational Statistics-2003 study"

Within 100% of normal program completion time- 37.1
Within 150% of normal program completion time - 57.8
Within 200% of normal program completion time - 60.4

I would venture to guess those that haven't finished in eight years have either long time ago dropped out or never will finish.

So, if I understand correctly.
1. About 40% of four-year college students will not graduate.
2. A little less than 40% finish in four years.
3. 20% finish between four and eight years.

[dobradavid]

ROTC still pays the ways...or join the military and pay the way.

I still wish that things were like they were 30+ years ago when a kid often times supported themselves through college.

I am not sure what you are meaning; both of my kids are doing it today, as are my gf's kids. My college fund and retirement accounts were emptied to fund the custody fight, so my kids had no choice...either with the funding or the decision to metriculate. More kids are enrolled in college these days than ever (so I understand...can't cite a report, but have heard it often in news reports) despite the higher tuition.

[at18847]

This is tough. If the child turned his/her back on you....cut them loose and tell them good luck. I have told my daughter many times that I am not an ATM and I do not buy love. If my daughter crapped on me, I would cut my loses and start enjoying my life again. It was great before I said hello to her mother.
I believe in truth and honor in actions. If I ever found out that my child was playing both sides, putting me through years of crap for nothing, I would cut all ties and move on. I have a new woman I love and plan to marry. I will not put up with ex baby momma drama forever.
I plan to go to court one last time in a year when I am done with school. I plan on getting two lawyers, one for me and one for my daughter. If I get screwed again. Im done. I am quickly getting disillusion with the American court system. I refuse to waste my life letting my ex get her rocks off screwing me over.