15 year old wants to change custody agreement

Parental Alienation Syndrome, Malicious Mother Syndrome, dealing with the ex, and various other non-legal concerns throughout the process.

15 year old wants to change custody agreement

Postby mndad2468 » Sun Oct 07, 2007 3:25 pm

I've been divorced for 2 years and have joint custody (50-50, change every Sunday). My two sons are ages 15 and 12. My ex called this afternoon and left me a message that my 15 year old doesn't want to come to my house anymore. She is supposed to drop them off in about 2 hours. This came up for the first time last week, we had a discussion about thit then and decided that we would all take some time to think it over and talk about it some more.

My son said that he enjoys his time at both houses, but that he "feels more at home" with his mom, since he grew up in that house. This is ironic, since I agreed to pay extra in child support so that they could stay in that house.

When I spoke with him on the phone today, he said that "we" (meaning him and his mom)decided that he would stay with his mom, instead of coming to my house. I have concerns about him staying there full time, mainly because of his 17 year old stepbrother who is a poor role model (staying up all night, using profanity, not doing homework, getting in physical altercations with his dad).

Any advice?
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Postby Aelfric » Sun Oct 07, 2007 3:45 pm

They can't make custody decisions. Only the court can.

Notify her (in writing, certified mail) that you expect her to comply with the Court's order. If she then acts contrary to the order, sue for contempt.

1. Document.
2. Litigate.
3. Repeat as needed.
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Postby Thoughts? » Sun Oct 07, 2007 9:10 pm

Courts will encourage relationships with both parents. Courts will frown upon either parent discouraging a child from maintaining such a relationship.

In many states, children over a certain age, often 11-14 varying by state, can "pick" where they live. But that goes to who has PRIMARY responsibility for the child. It doesn't mean the child has the option of stopping seeing the other parent. It just means they spend more time in the household that has primary. And in almost every place, judges can intervene if they feel the choice is not in the child's best interests.

Her calling you and conveying that message is a form of alienation.

In a business like, unemotional letter, sent via two means, notify her that the child does not have a right to just decide to stop seeing you, and that she doesn't have a right to stop him from seeing you. Call it access denial. Do not go on & on & on...keep it short, sweet & business like. Also in the letter, insist she not communicate through the child or share the nature of this dispute with the child. Give her 5 days to agree to compensatory times for the times she has denied the access.

Next time you are to see the child, follow orders EXACTLY as they stipulate on pick-up. If it says 6pm, you show up at 6pm...if pickups are at her home, show up at her home.....call via a cell phone with call detail reporting when you approach...wait at least 30 minutes...while there knock on two neighbor's doors...call before you leave....get a time-dated receipt from a neighborhood business.

Repeat the letter you wrote above, only documenting this incident. Give her five days to give you comp time. Send via two means, this time one of which is certified mail.

Do for a total of three times, then sue. Including fees.
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Postby velobard » Sun Oct 07, 2007 10:42 pm

My 15 y/o son tried something similar in August. I had a pretty good idea there was going to be a confrontation when I went to pick him up, so I had my court paperwork with me. I went to the door and my ex tried to just stand back and make it something between my son and me. I turned to her and said this was a matter between adults, but she refused to discuss it. I finally had to call an officer over (I'd given them a heads up in advance that I might need there assistance) and a cop came over and diplomatically explained to my so that he didn't have a choice in the matter, that it was all dictated by the cort paperwork and we were ALL (including me) bound by that. Then he threw in that if he didn't go with me that his mother would wind up getting into trouble. My son finally came along and things have worked out pretty well since. From the time he got in the car, he seemed to settle down and accept it. I'd been anticipating much more drama.

Best of luck in your situation.
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Postby Thoughts? » Mon Oct 08, 2007 11:34 am

They need boundaries.

In your case, he probably hated you...for a moment....

But 10 years from now, he'll look back, when he has a better understanding of life, and realize his dad was ready to go to the mat to stay part of his life.

Good job Velo.
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Postby Frapster » Tue Oct 09, 2007 8:51 am

When I was going through the divorce a GAL friend of mine described a scenario where a dad was successful in preserving his relationship with his kids. Everyone called him an a-hole because he was so dogmatic about preserving his parenting time, not letting mom take advantage of him, and applying a shock collar EVERY time mom tried a stunt. At one point mom tried to move away and the courst told her she could go but the kids would stay where they are because dad was so involved. Her reasons for moving were iffy at best.

Velo's story is a great example of that. Go to the mat for your kid. It may or may not be a painful process but in the end you will be able to look yourself in the eye (in the mirror of course) and it will mean something to your son eventually.

These situations are of particular importance to me because I have custody of my kids after mom moved to TX. They are bribing the crap out of my daughter and will apply tremendous pressure to encourage her to stay when she goes down there this next summer. I anticipate fighting the fight this next summer. Any advice you guys have about what I can do to prepare?
Only you can help your attorney be prepared.
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Postby harleydad » Thu Oct 18, 2007 2:48 pm

wish mine was going as good as some of you guys.
I have not spent time with baby girl since June 21st.....................

she just refuses to come.
Did the deputy thing and he explained to her almost verbatim what was mentioned above. So what she still refused to come, no help of course from ex. Officer would not let me "drag her out"...................

had our last visit with the court appointed evaluator. the eval. said it will be tough to get sole custody, but if I felt stongly about trying she understood.

The ex filed for sole custody two days after D15 claimed to not want to live with me anymore (I am primary now) and of course more money. Specifically did not ask for sole custody of S10, she calims he is fine.


This is a quagmire of ineptitude, hatred, bitterness and down right old school manipulation and brain washing..........
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