unhappy with preschool choice

[Kat]

My guess, after reading your further posts, is that you share joint legal custody, but that your ex has primary residential custody.

The language of your decree probably states that both parties must consult and advise each other about educational and medical decisions.

Your ex, thus far, has likely not committed anything of contempt.

You will almost definately not win a motion that states you may attend any type of regular doctors appointments. It would seem silly to a Judge to say the mother must invite you to a doctors appointment for an ear infection.

BTW, did you move away from mother and child or did they move away from you? The reason I ask is that the judge will care. If you moved, the Judge will very likely say that it was your decision to move further away and you must live with that choice.

You may seek a motion to clarify the orders. You ~may~ receive some help in that way. You could ask that the Court clarify the orders to read that mom must inform dad of any school and/or extra curricular activities either as soon as she knows about them or within a certain amount of time to allow for dad's participation or attendance in said event. You likely COULD win that one. And mom saying "I don't want him there" isn't gonna fly. The other option is to simply get in touch with the school and ask them to send you newsletters, announcements, etc., regarding upcoming events and your child's activities. I'm not sure if it works on preschools, but regular schools are required by law to turn over this type of information to both parents unless there is a court order specifically barring one parent from receiving such information. Look up the FERPA laws when this applies. Again, I'm not sure if it will cover preschool. However, most of the time if you are friendly enough the preschool will comply with this request.

You may also in your modification request ask the Court to change the language so that it reads that both parents must be in agreement when it comes to A. any elective medical procedures and B. any school changes that are not the current school district that is your ex's current school-of-choice for her district. (meaning whatever school district your child would go to by default). This would mean that any private school would need both parents permission to enroll.

It is very standard in most states that it is covered in standard parenting law that every parent has the right to attend and participate and extracurricular activity. So unless you are banned for doing so, feel free to attend. If she raises a fuss, document it. If she wants to try to ban you from attending, let her try to take YOU to court....she'll likely lose unless YOU are creating scenes. Don't engage. Ever.

Unfortunately you have an uphill battle. In seeing your son "only four days a week" in the judges eyes that makes mom the primary caregiver despite what the decree says. No I'm not saying that makes you a lesser qualified or deserving father. I'm telling you what the Judge typically goes by. Generally speaking the judge will say she has to consult you, but unfortunately she gets the final say. Not always....but in the vast majority of cases I've seen, that's how it goes.

Good luck, remember to pick your battles, and enjoy your child.

Kat

[TheOtherMom]

Although we live 25 minutes away from my husband's ex, your issues sound VERY familiar. Our court order SPECIFICALLY reads that the daycare provider cannot be changed, with written agreement from both parties. The next time you are in court, you can add this to your documentation or simply file a mediation hearing. She HAS to show up or she is in contempt, it's free and you can address it there.

Ironically enough, I was raised Baptist and my husband is an athiest. He is very open to my step-son and our other children knowing all aspects. Of course, I'm down with having them in JESUS BABIES and brainwashing them! HA! He has no problem with this. His ex is a non practicing Christian. When they were married, she gripped about him not going to church, so she didn't go. Now, not only does he go to church with me (respect for our relationship and wanting to spend the time as a family), but our other kids have all been in Christian daycare or Christian private schools.

Our paperwork also encourages the parents to be involved in their childrens activities. My husband's ex recently violated our court order by showing up to swim lessons on our night of < parenting time >. His parents were paying for private lessons and he was nice enough to share them with her, giving her Mon nights and we take Wed nights. Her showing up is in violation of the court order, but if it were a actual school function, that would not be the case. In fact, by your ex stating that you shouldn't be there, because the two of you don't get along....Well, then she needs to do something about that. Why should you put your son's needs before hers? Your son needs you and needs to see you there! I would contact the school and stay educated on his events through them, not her. Don't even consult her about being there. The fact that you live in another state and see your son every other weekend, that shows dedication and even if she doesn't like that, she should value you as his father. Especially with boys, they need their dads.