Am I petty or should I cut the grass?

[disneydad]

Sometimes I think we're drowning in pettiness. Or, we're sticking to principles even down to the nitty gritty so as not get nickle and dimed to death.

Case in point - my STBX is living in the marital home and I'm in a rental house. I'm giving her a huge monthly support check and living off credit to make up the difference for myself.

The marital home is for sale, she's keeping everything inside clean for showings but tells me she needs my help with the yard. She says that since we're both benefiting from the sale, I need to help with keeping the house show ready. She doesn't work and is only dabbling at finding a job. Kids are late elementary school aged so she's not having to watch them all the time. I work full time.

My position is that she wanted temporary posession of the house and agreed with me on listing it for sale, so she should be responsible for all upkeep on it. She says the temporary agreement doesn't say she needs to cut the grass. It *does* say she gets full use and posession of the house until the final.

Should I just bite the bullet and pay the $160/month for a yard service for the next few months until we get to a final? Or go cut the grass every week (ugh). I've brought up before the idea of splitting the cost of the yard service, she says would i pay for 1/2 of a housekeeping service too? sheesh....

[Trevor]

If she is granted exclusive use of the house, then she is 100% responsible for its maintenance. If a tree falls and crushes the roof, that's another story. But yard work is no different than washing the dishes and cleaning the windows. She fails to understand the simple concept that along with rights come responsibilities.

[Bubba Seal]

I guess it depends on how bad you want to sell the house, I would want to get that gone if it was me and I would do whatever to make it presentable.

If you get a person over that is interested in the house, you only have one chance for a first impression, it would be bad to lose the sale or the leash around your neck tying her to you, just because the grass wasnt cut.

[defaultuser]

Since you're still married, I guess its your job to cut the grass. I'd enter into settlement negotiations with her. You do your husbandly duties by cutting the grass, and she gives you a BJ ever time you do. Sounds fair to me.

[Fatheroffour]

+ 1 to DU.

Hell, you live close by. If she's got no gag reflex I'll swing by and cut the grass.

[BubbaGumpShrimp]

She's cleaning the house. It's your job to do the "man thing" and mow the lawn. If you don't want to mow the lawn, it's your job to pay someone to do it. Her comparison to "would you pay for half of a cleaning service?" is right on. How can you expect her to pay for half of the lawn service (just because you don't feel like doing it yourself) while she's doing all of the cleaning of the house?

Take a step back and realize that she's working with you and not being unreasonable (in this case...at least).

If she is granted exclusive use of the house, then she is 100% responsible for its maintenance. If a tree falls and crushes the roof, that's another story. But yard work is no different than washing the dishes and cleaning the windows. She fails to understand the simple concept that along with rights come responsibilities.

If he didn't agree to do the lawn and set that precedent, I would agree with you.

[CCR]

She's cleaning the house. It's your job to do the "man thing" and mow the lawn. If you don't want to mow the lawn, it's your job to pay someone to do it. Her comparison to "would you pay for half of a cleaning service?" is right on. How can you expect her to pay for half of the lawn service (just because you don't feel like doing it yourself) while she's doing all of the cleaning of the house?

Take a step back and realize that she's working with you and not being unreasonable (in this case...at least).

I hope you are just being sarcastic. The part missing is she lives in the house for free and he is paying it and to live somewhere else.

[Trevor]

Bubba, that does not square with the concept of "exclusive use and possession." It may go ultimately to the specific terms of his agreement, but in divorce, I was not permitted on the property (no TRO) because her lawyer threatened me with legal action for violating that exclusivity. She's on her own. Rights come with responsibility. Using your line of thinking, the OP would still be responsible to change her oil and rotate her tires. I call BS.

[Fatheroffour]

^ Seriously?

In a home he can't sleep in and she has exclusive use of?

She's being a c<nt and you're being c<nty suggesting she is being reasonable.

[BubbaGumpShrimp]

She's cleaning the house. It's your job to do the "man thing" and mow the lawn. If you don't want to mow the lawn, it's your job to pay someone to do it. Her comparison to "would you pay for half of a cleaning service?" is right on. How can you expect her to pay for half of the lawn service (just because you don't feel like doing it yourself) while she's doing all of the cleaning of the house?

Take a step back and realize that she's working with you and not being unreasonable (in this case...at least).

I hope you are just being sarcastic. The part missing is she lives in the house for free and he is paying it and to live somewhere else.

If he set the precedent of mowing the lawn (that's how I interpreted it), then I keep my position. If he's speaking of just getting into this situation, I agree with you.

I left my house and told NJ it was her job to maintain it. Same deal...I pay for everything...she (more likely her family members) are keeping the place up.