A Question to the women in here

[jerico08]

Most of you women in here get what we're all about, stand by your man and believe in self sustaining yourself and kudos to you for that.

Doesnt it bother you when you know a nj, either your ex's NJ on another from the neighborhood who is completely milking the system with no sense of pride in herself to so much as lift a finger to work, feeling entitlement to having everyone else pay their way, such as being voluntarily unemployed, spending kids money on themselves, etc. Time and time again I see these parasitic NJ creatures rear their head at some sport/ school event for children and even if known to be a load on society, they still manage to meld in with the women folk there even with small talk and nobody says anything or walks away from them. I personally wonder why some woman/women doesnt speak up to an NJ right then and there and speak their mind. Do you you, have you, would you?

[Fatheroffour]

Curious.

Do you call out dads you meet that don't measure up?

[minuette]

I don't really know any NJs well enough to actually call one out. My mother wasn't one (she wasn't perfect, but never interferred with my relationship with my father). The one NJ in my husband's family (an ex-SIL) was the NCP. The two previously-divorced SILs I have either didn't have a chance to NJ (kids were grown by the time she divorced #1) or had an excellent relationship with her ex. I get along well with my ex and his family. I have some divorced/split up co-workers, if they are NJs they don't show it. The divorced friends I have aren't NJs, either - I don't think I could put up with one long enough to establish a friendship.

My boss may have had a NJ, because observing him with his (adult) children leads me to think he had primary custody (and that's an oddity, for a black man raising kids as primary in the 80s). I have a couple of co-workers/peers with NJs, one on this site and one whom I'm nudging towards this site. The latter one, I basically parrot the DD stance to (she's not the gatekeeper/you need to get your parenting time legally defined so you can enforce your rights and pursue more time/do not look to her for legal advice/etc). On occasion, I see someone for tax prep and they end up talking about kid/NJ issues; I steer them towards some local resources and this site.

[chereeda]

I make a lot of, "What an odd thing to say!" types of comments to those kinds of women.

I find lot of energy goes toward supporting the dad and letting them know that they are not crazy and that, yes, their ex's actions are odd or out of line or damaging. A lot of them seem unsure that others see what they see.

donna

[newwife]

My mother was an NJ.
She now has no contact with me or my children.
My SD's NJ bothers me very much-as I see the effect it has on my SD.

I was a single mother. And therefore became friends with a lot of other ones in similar situations. I am friends with only a couple now, as many of them turned into NJ's. I do get disgusted by people who are that way. I think to myself--I was a single mom-worked full-time, went to school and now have a good career. They have no excuse. And most tend to have moms to help, or men to swindle. I didn't do/have any of that.

Some women you just know you will never change. So why bother starting a fight? Same reason radio silence is better. It won't do any good. You just feel sorry for their children.

And also, being on here helping my husband thru stuff has helped me be a better coparent. There are things I've done and let my child's father do because it was "the right thing to do" and sometimes you guys have helped me get that also. I am by no means an NJ, but everyone needs a reality check once in a while.

[Transcended]

Not a woman but IMHO, most people don't want to feel uncomfortable. Most people don't want to take a moral stand if it makes for an uncomfortable situation. Its the same for cheaters. They are not ostracized. Its really no big deal nowadays. What right do we have to judge cheaters?

Everyone just wants to smile, go about their lives, and feel good.

[serate]

I don't say anything to the birth vessel, mainly because I never see her unless one of the kids are around. My hubby informed me from day one that nobody was to talk bad about her in front of his kids because he was sure they would figure it out on their own. (And they did.) Partly because of my promise to my hubby, and partly the fact that I have learned if I just appear to be pretending to listen and nod my head now and then, it pisses her off royally.

But to anybody else? I go off on them. Don't care if I don't know them or not. I got perm banned from a message board I was a member on for over 12 years because the Admin - a poor single mom who with a terrible ex husband - got mad because I DARED post links to articles that proved her psychologist mouth wrong that 50/50 was not only NOT bad for the kids, it helped them. I went psycho on a family member of my hubby's that said "as long as my son wants to see his dad that's ok, but the day he doesn't - and I know t hat day will come because he is an butthole - he will never see MY child again." If I'm standing in line and some stranger has the nerve to expect me to agree with her comments on how all children need their moms no matter what, but dad is expendable, I set her straight. My niece made a comment about how her daughter wasn't going to think her father was a good guy no matter what, I reminded her how my bonus kids cried and cried to her and told her all the awful things the birth vessel said to them about their father. And how she promised her Uncle she would NEVER be like that.

On the other hand, when I see women who ARE working with the fathers, fostering relationships, I thank them. Fathers are important. VERY important. And I felt this way BEFORE meeting my hubby and seeing what alot of divorced fathers go through.

I do want to thank all who post here. I never knew much about nj's before meeting my hubby's ex, but reading posts here I realized at times I had NJ tendencies myself. I have always tried to be a good step-mom, and from reading here I have learned what a step-mom should NOT do and changed some of my ways. I know this site is for Dad's, and I wish my hubby would have found it or something like it years ago even before he met me, but I have learned alot myself. So thank you.

[dvdadnj]

Does "women who ARE working with the fathers, fostering relationships" including having an ex-spouse who voluntarily offers to do half of the driving of the children regardless of the distance parties live from each other to promote and encourage the relationship between the child and their father? Because it seems to me that something of that nature is rarely done by a plaintiff woman.

[CCR]

Curious.

Do you call out dads you meet that don't measure up?

Darn right I do. One of my long term friends asked me if I was "babysitting again" when I rejected a couple of Timberwolves tickets.

I said "No. It's called parenting. You should try it."

[bhmjones]

Forgive my ignorance.... I'm new here..... but what does NJ mean?