letting go

[scotty]

Any tips on letting go? Been seperated for 3.5 years and every time I speak to her I become miserable.

[Txbizman]

Any more details than that? What's the story? Why r u miserable?

[jumbledone]

In no particular order:

Rosie, Match.com, Adult Friend Finder, beer trips with buds, games with the kiddos, coaching said kiddos, try a new hobby you always wanted to do, therapy, destroy mementos of her, walk/hike, long trip with no access to phone/email, whatever it takes to remove your mind from her.

Essentially the same tactic we suggest for kiddos: Oh, that sucks. Ooooh, look, something shiny!

[jerico08]

Hang this picture where her's used to be, it will help you let go of what 25 more years with her would have looked like:

http://www.moviemarket.com/library/phot ... 284159.jpg

[Trevor]

Patient: "Doc, it hurts my arm when I hold it up like this."
Doctor: "Then don't hold it up like that."

Speak to her less.

[formylilgirl]

She may be unavoidable. You are going to have to get over her to get on with your life and be happy. If its not mutual or reciprocal, you are going to be perpetually unhappy and life is going to suck. Time to get out and live man. Divorced men are 4x more likely to be depressed, unless you attack this you will wallow for years.

I would try dating a bunch of women. Its not hard to do, but it gives you huge confidence, and it makes you look at her in a different perspective. No shame, I have been reading books and learning as much as I can about it for the last year. In the last two months, I can easily go on five - eight dates in one week, and still work full time and have a 50/50 custody for my kid. Some nights I have 2 or 3 dates. I sleep with some of them, but not all. I meet women on the street, Match.com and a few other legit dating sites. AFF and Ashley Madison are full of voyeurs who dont ever go on dates, waste of time and money. I am not out there looking for my next wife, but if one comes along that knocks me on my < hindquarters >, well then, I wouldn't rule it out.

I have gotten much better at meeting women in the grocery store, coffee shop or in the middle of the day in my daily routine. I love pulling up on a hot 20 something girl and rapping a bit, and getting her number. I never go to bars or clubs looking to pick up chicks, thats the last place I want to because its too competitive and awkward for me. I never go to dinner, dinners are date killers, just go get drinks, or if she doesnt drink, get coffee, and frankly, make friends. I mean of course you are a man so you want to create a relationship with or sleep with them right away, but thats up to you. Depending on the girl, dictates how fast I move with them. Clean up your place, make it appealing, and invite them over to hang out and watch movies, this is the easiest way. If you life in a rural area I would figure out a way to get out and have some fun, travel, go see your cousin in the big city, etc etc.

Its a HUGE confidence builder, and I have been doing it a lot in the last few months, so much so I need to take a break and refocus on earning money. I am not trying to brag here but tell you there is a better way. I look at my ex now and I even wonder that if we were happy together, would I even still want her?

[Southern.Putter]

Any tips on letting go? Been seperated for 3.5 years and every time I speak to her I become miserable.

As one well-known website among some on this forum would say, you are suffering from "one-itis". You think of her as "the one". The recommended Rx for curing oneitis is to GFTOW. Spelled out, that means: Go Fork Ten Other Women. Well, not "fork", but you know what I mean. The DD forum filter won't let me type the real word that belongs in that place.

After you GFTOW, you'll probably be cured of your case of one-itis. Good luck brother! Report back on your progress.

[Fatheroffour]

First girlfriend? First love?

It's not magic. Time, distance (emotional) and distraction are the usual remedies to the symptoms of a broken heart. You also shouldn't spend your life looking back and pining away for what might have been.

Own your mistakes, which she was one of them, and move forward with the promise of making bigger and greater mistakes.

[4myg1rl]

I would try dating a bunch of women. Its not hard to do, but it gives you huge confidence, and it makes you look at her in a different perspective.

Please share some tips on this, I've had literally no success at meeting women. I think that dating would really help me to move on, but I can't get it going. Dating sites aren't working, no responses to messages sent.

[Fatheroffour]

If you're interested in tips on getting responses from dating sights, here is a megathread on the topic in a different forum.

I'm guessing you're messages are bland and honest. The thread has some really good tips and you will increase your response rate.

One thing to remember is even a neg response is a response and gets your foot in the door. You go from there. Play the game.