Hi and welcome to DadsDivorce, the leader in divorce help for men, fathers rights and mens rights. We provide divorced dads with concrete, practical divorce resources to achieve the best results in the courtroom.
My ex & I have been split for almost 5 1/2yrs, divorced for almost 3 1/2 yrs, and I am still being brought in to court monthly for ridiculous < bovine scat >. We have joint custody and she has lost petitions for sole custody. She is now taking me for finances. Her claims are complete lies but do to the way the divorce agrmnt was written I am going to have to pay her a huge sum. I am in court monthly and def cannot afford it. Now her lawyers are trying to make me pay on the upwards of 10 grand when nothing has really changed from the original joint custody agrmnt. She has told me to from the start that I better just agree to her demands because we both know I dont have the $ to fight her. SHE IS RIGHT. She is from a very wealthy family and pays nothing for her legal fees. I love my children and cannot simply sit back and let her wash me out of their lives because she has money. I have my kids all the time and have a great relationship with them. They always tell me that they want to live with me but the DEMON with all her $ will never let that happen. What the hell is a guy suppose to do?????????
defaultuser wrote:Get a very good lawyer. Ask for legal fees.
+1 Sometimes a (good) judge will see the situation for what it is, a NJ trying to outspend the father and win by attrition. Similar boat here, brother; my ex is a certified nurse anesthetist, makes six figures easy. And Mr. Wonderful/newly minted fiance is a divorce attorney...not only can she afford anything, she doesn't actually even have to pay for it! (Well, beyond the "mattress consultation fee", as my attorney put it.) You can bet I'm asking for legal fees. Ironically, I'm filing contempt charges because she's still paying CS based on her making minimum wage.
"Your problem is you shook a wh0re tree and expected an angel to drop out."
codi317 wrote:What to do when ex has more $ than God
codi317 wrote:They always tell me that they want to live with me but the DEMON with all her $ will never let that happen.
If you have strong, supporting evidence, you can win and it's not as hard as you make it seem. I went to court in 2009 and lost, even though I knew I was the better parent. I was guided by a lawyer that when I asked him if the custody evaluation was enough for the judge to grant me custody, he said, "Don't worry about it." Famous last words for him....
My biggest problem was that I didn't submit more than 3-5 things, including the custody evaluation, because I went on the advice of my lawyer. After the judge told me that she wasn't going to take the kids away from their mother (yes, she actually said that right to my face), I knew I had to document heavily. Three months after that hearing, NJ was still being NJ and I filed again. At the second court hearing, which was two years after the first, I had more than 50 exhibits admitted into evidence.
I won. NJ's rich aunt hired a lawyer to file an appeal but NJ still lost. The point is, if it's in the best interests of the kids to live with you, you have credible evidence that can be admitted into court and you have credible witnesses who testify, there's no amount of money that can help her "win."
"Success depends on your backbone, not your wishbone"
Mommy has Borderline Personality Disorder? She's very difficult to deal with? Buy this:
Have heard it stated that the one with all the dollars often has the "control". Once the lesser income person recognizes this then that "control" that the ex seems to have over you can be managed. As best you can ignore the BS she is feeding you concerning the issues about all of her money. Carry a recorder and get some of her money comments on record. Live life to the fullest and just watch her perhaps slowly realize that all of her money really does not necessarily bring happiness. My NJ often stated "my greatest revenge is my success"......but the NJ doesn't appear happy. So.........
I am in the exact same position. The divorce took 11-months to hash out, however, we are still relying upon a 'temporary' order from 4-years ago. Our Case History consumes 20-pages when printed from the County website. I had an attorney for 2-years and finally could not sell anything more, borrow anything more and almost lost hope.
She is the favoured daughter of an ambitious man who will do anything to 'protect' her interests even if those interests are absurd. I used to attempt to fight against them, but obviously would lose as a school teacher and a multi-millionaire are financially unequal. Just when I thought it was all over and was resigned to the obvious.... My grand-mother reminded me of the idiom: "Give them enough rope, and eventually they will hang themselves".
My advice: Find the Ex's achilles heel.
For me, it was her narcissism and abject inability to keep her mouth shut. For almost a year, after being bombarded with rude/bizarre e-mails, the kids telling me all of the lies she tells them about me and my family, the manipulation that is creating extremely co-dependent children (i.e... for a long time, my son refused to have a bowel movement at my house because "Mommy holds my hand while I'm on the toilet") I have hundreds of audio-recordings which have been transcribed and next month I am presenting them to the Court with testimony from his teacher and testimony from one of her own family members.
I have claimed alienation and petitioned for sole-custody. It's an uphill battle, one her attorney was blowing off until I disclosed the recordings - then she became defensive and filed several "attack" motions which the Court dismissed. Knowing that she could not keep her mouth shut, I preemptively filed a 'Petition for Non-Disclosure' in regards to the recordings. The very next day, the Ex took my son out of school early and told him all about the fact that I had been recording him and she wanted to know what he may have said. So, now I wait (as I have on recording, my son telling me how she took him to his favourite restaurant and 'grilled' him about the recordings) to file the Petition for Contempt and, of course, make an issue of it in trial next month.
When faced with an opposing party with inexhaustible funds, we are forced to bide our time and wait for them to hurt themselves. I have been Pro Per through (2)-two contempt hearings and other minor issues and come out successfully. Just be honest, speak like you truly care, don't tear her apart in court even if you want to and the Court will see the inequity and who REALLY is the best parent.
"Courage is resistance to fear; mastery of fear - not absence of fear."