A poll for the guys who are owed child support

[dadmisseskids]

I'm just curious how prevalent this is. You know, the dead beat mom. My ex is over $3000 in arrears and has obtained the lowest possible paying job but works a second job off the books. How much is your ex-wife or girlfriend in arrears, for those that are owed child support?

[i_won_sorta]

I grossed just under 90 last year. My ex has state minimums and probably grossed around 8k or so. I get absolutely nothing. And i pay 100% medical. She does pay half of school expenses whenever she gets aroind to it. thats about $75/ year.

[dadoftwo]

My experience: Nobody cares that mommy don't pay . . . Makes me a little resentful when I think back to the sheer purgatory NJ put me through when I did pay her but she accused me of not.

Not for nothing, but times are a little tough for me right now, and I'd like to put D10 back in dancing school.

Maybe I'd be less upset by the whole business if NJ supported D10 in other ways, like schoolwork or something. Seems like the only thing D10 is getting from her mom is a liking for raunchy music.

But I'm not bitter at all.

[dadmisseskids]

My experience: Nobody cares that mommy don't pay . . . Makes me a little resentful when I think back to the sheer purgatory NJ put me through when I did pay her but she accused me of not.

I partially agree. The domestic relations in my county seems to be on top of everything and I really don't have to do much of anything. They filed a non-compliance letter against NJ, they filed a lien (tax refund intercept) against NJ and they scheduled a contempt hearing for NJ. I literally didn't have to do anything.

The part where I do agree is when the roles were reversed. One time I was 10 HOURS late with a CS payment. NJ over drafted her bank account and of course that was my fault. She left me five voice mails saying that I would not get the kids that weekend unless I paid her over draft fees.

NJ hasn't paid any CS in over five weeks and is over $3,000 in arrears. She believes that she doesn't have to pay CS but when I was late, literally hours, with a CS payment, all hell broke loose. That's NJ thinking.

[i_won_sorta]

The part where I do agree is when the roles were reversed. One time I was 10 HOURS late with a CS payment. NJ over drafted her bank account and of course that was my fault. She left me five voice mails saying that I would not get the kids that weekend unless I paid her over draft fees.

NJ hasn't paid any CS in over five weeks and is over $3,000 in arrears. She believes that she doesn't have to pay CS but when I was late, literally hours, with a CS payment, all hell broke loose. That's NJ thinking.

But really that's just your NJ being an NJ. She wouldn't have gotten any traction in court.

[dadmisseskids]

But really that's just your NJ being an NJ. She wouldn't have gotten any traction in court.

I know. I went to the meeting place and got a receipt. When the trial came, I motioned for mileage ($.51 X 214 miles) and the judge awarded it.

[dadoftwo]

In my case, she hasn't contributed a dime in almost a year and a half - ever since the order was written. The last time cse brought her in to court, the judge just gave her more time - again. Not even that much of a lecture. She cried (literally) poor and victimized (by what/who??). That's all it took. She even tried to get some of it "forgiven." The judge didn't tell her yes to that, but he didn't tell her no either. Just said that in another six months we "would see where she was."

[dadmisseskids]

In my case, she hasn't contributed a dime in almost a year and a half - ever since the order was written. The last time cse brought her in to court, the judge just gave her more time - again. Not even that much of a lecture. She cried (literally) poor and victimized (by what/who??). That's all it took. She even tried to get some of it "forgiven." The judge didn't tell her yes to that, but he didn't tell her no either. Just said that in another six months we "would see where she was."

That's a joke. My county doesn't play games. No pay in 14 days, they send you a letter. No pay in another 20 days, you get a court date for contempt. No show at the contempt hearing, bench warrant issued and license suspended. It's a little foggy after that....

Oh, and they already put NJ in for a lien on her tax refund for $3,000. I wonder if I'll get it and if I do, how long it takes. Considering she grossed like $5,000 last year, I have no idea how much she'll get back.

[Chris A]

I raised my son by myself from the age of 3 months till 21 without any help from his mom at all. I asked about support a few times and was told she has no income. I pointed out that if she has no income how does she feed him on her weekends. I was told that if I bring that up I could be forced to pay her support during her visitations. That was about 25 years ago but still screwy.

She disappeared a few years ago. Though and now only has Internet contact.

[dadmisseskids]

Some of you guys are owed some serious cash. That's got to be frustrating as hell.

I found a statistic from a census report, albeit 7 years old, which indicated that the percentage of women who received the full amount of CS is 47.3% and the percentage of men who received the full amount of CS is 46.2%. That tells me that the "deadbeat" parent is equal between men and women.

Sometimes those statistics are flawed though. It could mean the NCP was in arrears by $100 or $10,000. However, the gap between CS owed and payed from mother's to father's was ~$1400. The gap between CS owed and payed from father's to mother's was ~$2,000.

While women are not paying the full amount of CS (1.1% less than men), men seem to have a higher amount of arrears (~$2,000). That statistic could be flawed too. Some women purposely work crappy jobs just to get welfare and more CS, which makes the amount of CS owed more than a father can handle. I know, my ex did that exact thing.

My head was spinning after reading the report. It just made me more confused and now I have more questions than answers.