inappropriate text

[grgr]

You almost have to feel sorry for the new guy. He will be just as miserable as she made you. And he probably buys all the bs she says about you.
One day, he can join the "What Was I Thinking Club" with the rest of you.

This made me laugh.

During my office interview with the cust eval for my gd, the evaluator asked my opinion of gd's newest stepdad. (Stepdad has grown kids about the same age as my ex dil.) I told the evaluator he seems like a decent enough guy but I feel sorry for him because one day he's going to wake up from the midlife crisis, slap himself up along side the head and ask "what was I thinking - I should have bought a red sport car instead". The evaluator laughed.

Several weeks later, I slapped myself up along side the head when the evaluator showed up for the home visit driving a small red convertible sports car!

[texasdad2012]

grgr: Can you explain the meaning of your signature line?

"The person who cares the least controls the relationship."

It rings true but I can't quite figure out why.

[Fatheroffour]

I'll give it a shot. In a nutshell:

The person that cares the most wants the relationship to continue. They will follow.
The person that cares the least sets the parameters on how the relationship will continue. They lead and if the other doesn't follow....oh well.

[texasdad2012]

Yeah, that makes sense. I tried saving ours for a while but at some point it hit me, "what's the use it if I'm the only one who really seems to want it?" It's useless trying to love someone who doesn't love you back.

I wonder if this is also true, then: "The person who cares least about the kids controls the co-parenting relationship." And by that I mean, if one parent is trying to spare their kids from the stress and nastiness as much as possible but the other doesn't mind using them as a bargaining chip to get what they want, that less-caring parent tends to get their way more often, since the other backs down to spare the kids.