Stepfather Issues

[FatherinDTW]

I have been divorced for about a year and a half, and I have two kids 7 yo boy and a 5 yo girl. My ex married about a month after the divorce to some guy her sister knows. Anyways, everything was ok between me and him, but there was...and still is...conflict between me and the ex. About a year ago, she told the kids to start calling him "Daddy", and of course the pushover he is...he let them. He is also divorced, but his kids live over a 1000 miles away, and he sees them about 2 weeks out of the year. Although some have told me it's not a big deal, I have major problems with the kids calling him Daddy since my ex has been trying to alienate the kids from me since day one. I have told him to not have the kids call him that, but he says I'm overreacting and am insecure. Ok, so I dropped it.

So about a week ago, he decided to sign up my kid to football and on top of it be an assistant coach on his team. I didn't make a big deal about it, and sucked it up. I think it was in done to some degree to piss me off, and it worked. My feeling is that he should have at least asked me if it was ok for him to coach, and even offered to do it with me. For the sake of my son, I will not make an issue of it....BUT, I am concerned that other parents will think that I am a "deadbeat" for not being involved in my sons activity, and letting his stepfather coach his team. Since coaching is voluntary, I'm thinking of volunteering myself. However, I don't want to make the situation worse for my son? I guess I'm sort of between a rock and a hard place, and would appreciate some advice as to what to do...if anything.

[stretchkr]

Well you cant do anything to control what your ex and the guy she is screwing are doing. You can only focus on what you can do during your time with kids. If you get stressed from them, your kids will pick up on it, and the alienation will work. Be active when you can, control what you can, and get out of your ex's life, or the < female dog > will win. Chances are the way you are acting is exactly the way she wants you to act. Maybe there are legal grounds for the "daddy" remarks, especially if you have it documented that you have politel asked them to cut that < edited > out, others can answer that.

[BartSimpson]

You, sir, are your own worst enemy.

You have waffled your way into this not wanting to upset the circumstances.

New Rules:
The studmuffin should not be called "Daddy". <- look, a period! End it TODAY!
How you look to other parents should not be a factor in how you parent your kids.
You should volunteer all you can with your kids, regardless of studmuffin's participation.

[FatherinDTW]

You, sir, are your own worst enemy.

You have waffled your way into this not wanting to upset the circumstances.

New Rules:
The studmuffin should not be called "Daddy". <- look, a period!
How you look to others should not be a factor of how you parent your kids.
You should volunteer all you can with your kids, regardless of studmuffin's participation.

Trust me I have made it absolutely clear that I didn't think the kids should call him "Daddy", but I highly doubt there is anything I can do legally. I have at least three e-mails with his response to it. If you have any ideas what I should do to make him stop, then I'm all ears.
I will volunteer, and have volunteers as a manager for my son's little league team, as well as Cub Scouts. I think him volunteering as a coach is an attempt by the NJ and him to assume a more fatherly role.

[secondhalf]

I think him volunteering as a coach is an attempt by the NJ and him to assume a more fatherly role

Of course it is. But you ARE the DAD to your two kids. NOT HIM!!! You can't control what your NJ and the ex does but your kids will eventually figure out the crap that they are pulling.

[Trevor]

I have at least three e-mails with his response to it.

A written cease and desist letter is clearly in order here, send certified mail R3. If she has a lawyer, send it there. If you have one, let him/her write it.

Judge hate this kind of thing. If you can find documentation of it (copies of sports signup forms where the mother put her f-buddy's last name for your kid instead of yours, or school records), gather and use it. This is no laughing matter and the people who tell you that you are overreacting are dicks. The critical issue here is your X effing with a little kid's head.

[hoosier_dad]

Follow Trevor's advice, and this communication should not be going to the step-dad, this is between you and your ex. He is not a party to your divorce decree, only your ex is accountable to the judge.

[Trevor]

Yeah, what hoos said. But the emails from meathead may support your case as evidence of him following the mother's alienating policies.

[FatherinDTW]

I have at least three e-mails with his response to it.

A written cease and desist letter is clearly in order here, send certified mail R3. If she has a lawyer, send it there. If you have one, let him/her write it.

Judge hate this kind of thing. If you can find documentation of it (copies of sports signup forms where the mother put her f-buddy's last name for your kid instead of yours, or school records), gather and use it. This is no laughing matter and the people who tell you that you are overreacting are dicks. The critical issue here is your X effing with a little kid's head.

Interesting that you would say this, since she has also told the kids that their last name is his last name when they are with her. But I have no written evidence of it, and they have always used my last name with regard to forms, etc.

Do you really think a cease and desist letter can be used here? Aren't those supposed to come from the judge?

[capslock]

IN ADDITION to what Trevor said, you need to get on that team as an assistant coach. Period.