Custody Schedule vs Custody Agreement

[Trevor]

1. If you have a documented and proven status quo of overnights above what's ordered, and she tries to cut back your parenting time, yes you can go back to court, present your evidence of the kids flourishing with more Dad time, and the court may bake the status quo as your new reality.

2. See your kids as much as you can, for their sakes.

3. Don't worry what other people think is your parenting time schedule. All that matters is what's good for the kids and you.

4. Kids are adaptable easily to switch from Dad's place to mom's. Never, ever sacrifice your parenting time because someone gives you that line of BS. However, at some point, a week-on/off may work for your kids, fewer transitions, and half the time with you.

5. One of my biggest pet peeves is the notion that losing the time with Dad is somehow more acceptable for kids to endure than sleeping in different houses every few days. Who came up with this BS? And what kind of people accept it as reasonable? [Rhet.]

[Fatheroffour]

Team red is on as usual.

So if she sticks to a certain arrangement for a while I could make the case to a judge of it being the norm and therefore in the kids' best interests of the kids?

I think the argument could be presented like this: obviously during all this time mom thought it was in the best interest of the kiddos to spend X amount of time with dad, above and beyond the courts parenting plan. Now that she's mad at dad for some petty reason she wants to punish dad by yanking the kids. That's not in the best interest of the kids. We motion to maintain status quo.

Document, document, document.

[texasdad2012]

This forum is great. Such valuable advice, and I need it. It really helps hearing from other MEN because it seems like so much of what I read and hear is from a woman's POV. I love women -- in theory, anyways -- but they just don't understand how we feel as fathers and how this affects us. And it seems like somewhere along the way the whole family court system bought into that "kids primarily need their mom" BS.

Personally, I like seeing them every other day. I think I would rather have a day each weekend than two days every-other week. You're right -- if it works for me and the kids (and I've asked them and they do like it this way), who cares what anyone else thinks? The only thing I don't like is that the whole thing relies on a very fragile agreement between me and the ex that she could break at any time, and that makes me feel at her mercy to some extent.

[Trevor]

Still waters run deep. Document as discussed. Let her think she's in control of a "very fragile agreement" as you accrue status quo. Then we'll see about mercy.

[Fatheroffour]

And it seems like somewhere along the way the whole family court system bought into that "kids primarily need their mom" BS.

My belief is it has little to do with the kids and more to do with the Save-a-Ho/ White knight/P-ssy on a pedestal culture we live in.