Friend (and Father) making a grave mistake...

[revmeup1]

xxxx

[Bubba Seal]

If hes made his mind up then its none of your business, so butt out of it.

Just my 2 cents

[Fatheroffour]

Obviously the situation with the mom and her new boyfriend isn't that bad. He's just pitching a fit and the children are bearing the brunt.

OR, he's abandoning the children at a time when they need him the most.

Hard to tell the difference from 4th hand information but in the end it doesn't really make a difference.

[revmeup1]

FOF: He is abanding the kids when they need him most.

His attitude is that the exboyfriend is a VERY bad influence on his children - but then, he turns around and says he refuses to be in his kids lives because he can't handle it.

It seems to me he needs to "Step Up" for the sake of his children.

Being friends since childhood, I dont have any reservation in sharing that with him - in a show of support for him to do the right thing.
But clearly, he is seemingly not ready to hear that.

[Fatheroffour]

How do you advise someone not to abandon their children? Without sounding judgemental or accusatory?

I'd have to question that BF is such a bad influence on his kids. That's just his excuse for abandoning them because he doesn't like hearing about BF from his kids.

Is there a more logical explaination?

It's either that or he's a real POS.

[defaultuser]

My experience with giving advice to people in divorce situations is that they usually don't follow advice. I have a good friend who loves the drama. He looks for any opportunity that she technically violates the decree and makes a big deal about it, even when there is no harm done. Others that are in difficult situations don't use this site when I tell them about it.

My opinion is that when people aren't seeking advice and solutions to their problems, they typically aren't open to advice.

My suggestion would be to 'be there' for your friend. Don't judge him. Listen to him. Giving him support is probably the best way to get a positive outcome for his kids. I don't mean accepting his actions, I mean telling him that you are there for him and are willing to be a friend even if you don't agree with what he's doing.

[revmeup1]

default: I like that approach.