EX about to marry a nut case and how do I deal with that?

[mydearchildren]

Hi,

Need advice. Divorce finalized a month ago. I have kids 60% she has 40%. It was an at fault divorce due to adultery on her part. She is bitter and nasty. She is going ot marry the < hindquarters >. She had exposed the kids to him over the last year leading to the divorce and had some very bad judgements regarding the kids that lead to the divorce.

Even though I have custody, I get to pay her child support as I make too much. If she marries the jerk, does his income factor into the child support and does that constitute a change of circumstance to warrent an adjustment? Also, what if I marry? could she come back and say that jointly we make too much and need to up child support? We are in VA?

Also, the jerk is a nut case with a hoarding problem and she suffers from major depression and anxiety. I don't want the kids to be exposed to his mental issues and hoarding issues. Do I have any thing I can do to keep him away from the kids? I know I can't stop her from marrying him.

Thanks

[Trevor]

We are in VA?

1. Can't answer that question, amigo. But if you don't know the answer, anything we say matters less than you figuring out first your own location. Sayin'.

2. If she is working, then his income is not likely to factor into anything. If she quits working or reduces her income voluntarily, there may be some effect of him providing in-kind financial benefits. Depends on your state and its statutes. same is true if you marry. The ones who marry a parent are not responsible/obligated to contribute to someone else's child.

3. Parents to whom the court grants custody are assumed capable to make good decisions for children in their care. Unless you can demonstrate a danger to the kids (real, physical danger), then you can't control what happens when mom has them.

4. Be a great Dad and keep open your eyes for negative impact. Don't talk smack about mom or her f-buddy; rather provide insulation from drama and coping mechanisms for the kids if things get bad.

[mydearchildren]

I am in northern VA.

[newwife]

well, judge knew about this guy when the divorce went thru. So you're not likely to get a change in court order.
However, you can try to get more than 60%-just by taking any extra time she'll give. There are lots of threads on how to wean time away.
His income doesn't really do anything. If she is working it's her $, if she's not her income can be set at what she COULD make.
There is nothing you could do about her sleeping with the guy, so you can't do anything about her marrying him.

[hanzblinx]

I found my ex's new husband on mugshots dot com

Which inspired me to pay for a $250 PI background check (my kids live there). He has 1 criminal case and 6 civil cases currently open against him. He lived in his grandma's house for 7 years then moved into my ex MIL's basement with my ex when they got married (due to her 4 month pregnancy i'm sure).

I was so sick of paying alimony I didn't care if she married jack the ripper. Sure I feel bad for my kids, but none of this was my idea and the judge gave me the shaft because she was a SAHM. I think judges need a reality check.

[mydearchildren]

well, judge knew about this guy when the divorce went thru. So you're not likely to get a change in court order.
However, you can try to get more than 60%-just by taking any extra time she'll give. There are lots of threads on how to wean time away.
His income doesn't really do anything. If she is working it's her $, if she's not her income can be set at what she COULD make.
There is nothing you could do about her sleeping with the guy, so you can't do anything about her marrying him.

Can someone please point me to these threads? I'd like to start this process.

[Fatheroffour]

I don't know of any threads specific to that but it is a reoccurring topic.

Start with the obvious. Make it sickeningly easy for her to give you extra time. Offer to pick them up and care for the kids while she does whatever else it is she does. Never make waves about what it is she is doing because as long as she is giving you more time with the kids you are getting the better end of the deal. Smile and wave. Smile and wave.

[crazybama2012]

First on income, I don't believe the that your spouse, nor the x's spouse brings to the new marriage would be counted. However deviation is acceptable, and if you want to try going to court and arguing that you can now pay less because her new husband is loaded (assuming he is, I mean why else would a divorced woman marry another guy but for money? haha) Then it might be worth the risk.

The x and new bf are both crack pots? Unfortunately there is not a lot you can do about that other then providing a loving and nurturing environment when your children are with you, they will learn what it means to be a family and eventually reject living with mother all together and you'll then be free of any child support if they're really crazy.