Got a few questions re: Custody Modification

[Fatheroffour]

What role do mediators play in your state? Are ther there to strike a deal or do they make recommendations to the court?

[nr552]

What role do mediators play in your state? Are ther there to strike a deal or do they make recommendations to the court?

In California, the mediator basically (at least the first go around) listened what I wanted as the petitioner (no change, Thursdays-Sundays every week), then listened to her request quote - "Every other weekend, plus all the weeks"-- He asked what was her justification for that request (he had to explain what justification meant), the he listened, disagreed with her... then I responded, etc.

He then wrote up a recommendation to the court, "her lax parenting style would be complimented by my structured parenting style... so 1 week with her, 1 with me.. alt." -- Both her attorney and mine (at the time) stated that the judge 99.9% of the time will base custody off of the mediation report-- So she adopted it and so did I.

All I can say now, is after nearly 2 years (this August), it's not working for our son... 21 days of school missed 4th grade during her parenting time (he's only missed 2 days this year TOTAL because of my due diligence; including weekly conversations with his teacher, the vice principle, and bringing an apple for the attendance lady 8^) --- I am the only one that's able to affectively help him with his homework (she can't tell you what an improper fraction is, nor can she name all the planets in the solar system.. you get the picture). 6th grade won't be any better. I'd give up all my weekends for just his school weeks so that he would have a chance in being at least up to grade level. He's actually very smart, but she brings out the lazy in him -- he quote "I hated school, he hates school, it's no big deal."

Sorry to hear about your son, sounds like I might be headed down that same path unfortunately.

[finallyhappyhere]

NJ lives with her BF and your S11 lives there too? While it likely doesn't have anything to do with the school work, you could try and get overnights taken away and you get primary because she's cohabitating. That would give you more time and maybe allow to help more.

[BartSimpson]

NJ lives with her BF and your S11 lives there too? While it likely doesn't have anything to do with the school work, you could try and get overnights taken away and you get primary because she's cohabitating. That would give you more time and maybe allow to help more.

Huh? Dad get's primary because of Mom's cohabitation?

Not going to happen.

[Fatheroffour]

Overnight guest. ..... viewtopic.php?f=7&t=43978

[nr552]

NJ lives with her BF and your S11 lives there too? While it likely doesn't have anything to do with the school work, you could try and get overnights taken away and you get primary because she's cohabitating. That would give you more time and maybe allow to help more.

Yeah, but that isn't going to be a reason in the courts eye...I won't even bother with that one.

A weird change of events occurred last week... after I txt'd her re: getting S11 on father's day, plus picking up from school tuesday on his birthday(tomorrow)...she blew up refused, etc. I sent an email to her attorney (which cost her Dad $$$ for the email I am sure) explaining that I didn't want any conflicts, but this is my allotted time... she is now going along with the "program" so to speak. Also, to be "NICE" I asked her if she cared to join me, and S11 on his birthday @ the county fair (that way S11 could stay later, and she could stay with him and I would leave). She declined, said I could keep him over night-- and I'd take him to a 3 day science class offered where I work (she'd drop off, I'd take to her afterwards) this week. COOL. Then it got better, she's got things to do really early, so to make things easier she told me (via txt message) to go ahead and keep him all week. I'm stoked, but wonder what she is up to...cause the following week I am taking time off work to enjoy the 4th and the rest of the week, all with him.

Kissing my < hindquarters > maybe? I don't know... but I do know when she txt's our son and speaks of her bf's mother as "Grandma" to our son, it sure seems to me she intends to marry the guy. It's a mixed bag of feelings: I don't care for the guy at all (somewhere between a dirt bag and a complete idiot), don't want the guy to be a 1/2 replacement of me. Beyond that, I am preparing to have my ducks in order so I can go to court to handle things (pro se)...