Trying to understand something

[dadskids]

A couple weeks ago the NJ text me telling me that they were taking my 12S, and 5D on vacation during a certain date range (10 days). She only would tell me that they were going to a certain state (couple states away from where we are located), and near a certain city. I replied asking her to provide me with the itenerary that we are supposed to give each other when taking the kids out of state.

I never heard anything until yesterday. She sent me a text telling me the town they were going to and that along the way they were stopping of somewhere for a couple days. And that she was told her phone should work there and if not she would find out what the number is and let me know.

I am not sure what a proper itnerary is for one thing, but I don't think this text message qualifies, at least not with me. She has had problems following the current parenting plan in other areas that I keep noted, but this one concerns me.

[aero_8]

Does this interfere with any of your parenting time? Do your court orders allow for out of state travel, and what do they say about notification? Notification of travel dates, and the location (address) of where the children will be staying is typical. Don't expect anything more. Maintain phone contact with your kids while they're away.

[dadskids]

Here is what the parenting plan states reguarding out of state travel.

"To receive from the other parent, in the event the other parent leaves the state with the minor children for more than two (2) days, an itinerary including telephone numbers for use in the event of an emergency."

Calling the kids is one of the issues Ive been having with the NJ. When I call to talk to the kids the NJ never answers her phone, and sometime later I receive a message saying they were busy and she will have them call me later. There are weeks I only get to talk to them once during a week. 12S has told me that when he has asked to call, he has been told no.

She has given me the dates, and a city they will be in for some of that time, and her phone number.

[anonymous guest]

I'd say she had met the intent of the decree. That's what I tell my NJ. Date leaving, date returning and contact number in case of emergency. Anything else is none of her business.

Is there a reason you want more info?

[aero_8]

It looks like she's met the requirements of your orders. I always provide the dates of departure, return, phone number and address where myself and my daughter will be staying. I require the same from NJ. These are for emergency use only. Family emergencies can occur on either side. When they happen, time can be critical. Maybe you can clean this up next time you're in court?

Call your kids at the same time every day. After a few weeks, she'll either get annoyed, and accept it, or you'll have enough evidence to drag NJ into court. Keep a phone log. I used my cell phone bill as evidence, and my journal to document the conversations (or lack of).

[minuette]

The lack of phone access is the important issue, and aero8 gave some rock-solid advice.

I'm also interested in why having more specific information, than date of departure and return plus a contact number, is of such concern. Is the mother a flight risk? She have any DUIs or reckless driving charges on her record? History of cruising crack dens whilst out of town?

[minuette]

Also, you were having issues with phone calls last July. Have you been keeping records of your contact attempts and filed for contempt against her when she violates the order, as you were previously instructed? If not, why not?

[dadskids]

I have been having phone issues since last July. I would try to call and talk to the kids, and would never get an answer, just a text saying they were busy and would call later. When they did call she would rush them off the phone. My 12S has told me there are times he wants to call and is told he can't, plus he says that he has to stay in the living room to talk to me and can't go to the garage or outside to talk like he used to because NJ wont let him.

In my attempts to talk to the kids daily last year she sent me a text quoting the plan saying I can have two phone calls a week with the kids and for me not to call, that they would call me on certain days and times. I wasn't happy with this and have been documenting everything. I even have a chart of the days of the month I do talk to them on the phone. There have been weeks I only get to talk to them once. It's funny though when I have the kids over an extended period of time that she calls and texts to talk to them. I always make it a point to let them talk to her whenever she wants, even though 12S tells me I shouldn't and to give her a taste of her own medicine. I just tell him that it isn't the right thing to do and let them talk.

I am not trying to find out details of their vacation, I just wasn't sure of the information I needed to get. NJ has been far from honest about anything regarding the kids and their activities. I was involved in the school PTO this past year and the only way I found out about activities my kids were in was because of that. She didn't and wouldn't tell me.

I have been documenting everything, and it has been a lot. It seems to be true that if you give someone enough rope they will hang themself. This has just been so much of a strain on my 12S and 5D. To the point that 12S has told me the first chance he gets he wants to live with me, and he just wants to tell her to divorce the new victim and kick his butt out. My 5D, who I never talk about all that goes on, has even told me twice within the past month that she wishes her new stepdad never married her mother. Something else thats even strange to me is there have been a few times when 12S has been acting out at NJ house, she will call me and accuse me of putting him up to it and wants me to talk to him about his attitude. I tell NJ that he doesn't act that way at my house but I will talk to him.

It just hurts seeing my kids like this. The only time I have trouble with my kids is when its time to take them back, it takes them at least an hour to get ready and then finally they just tell me they don't want to go. And the my 5D starts crying and saying she wants to stay. I have always been afraid that 5D might do that when I pick them up, but it hasn't yet, only when I take her back.

Thanks for all the info, this message board is great. I am going to try and call the kids today, and hopefully I will get to.

As for filing for contempt, I have looked into that and was advised then by my attorney to give it some time and NJ would probably break the plan more. Which she has a lot and I met with my attorney a couple weeks ago and he told me was ready to procede when I was.

Thanks again.

[Kyle Morrison]

I always make it a point to let them talk to her whenever she wants, even though 12S tells me I shouldn't and to give her a taste of her own medicine. I just tell him that it isn't the right thing to do and let them talk.

It is a rough story you got there mate. My ex went through a phase like that but thank god she kind of out grew that sort of pettiness. Your statement quoted just told me everything you need to know that you will end up alright and so will your kids. You got the right attitude and it will pass on to them as well.

As for the legalities. Like everyone says - document everything ... give her enough rope. If it gets out of hand you will have the ammunition you need. It is awful to see your kids suffer this, but if you try to act before you can get any result you will cause even greater problems. Just be the best dad you can in the circumstances.

[blueTexas]

If you think that your ex is refusing to answer calls from your phone number, try calling from phones she's not familiar with.