Feelings of Intimidation

[SmokinMeanRibz]

I am still new to being divorced and dealing with a NJ. Every day I am gaining more confidence and knowledge in fatherhood. My daughter and I are constantly establishing and strengthening our bond. Everybody around me encourages me and witnesses me taking an active role in D3's life. When I am with my daughter, I feel like I am king of the universe. I know that in her eyes, I am the king of the universe and her protector.

That is the growing side of me.

However, there is another side of me. I am sure other fathers have experienced the same feelings. I'll give a small example that I feel explains everything.

I have recently E-mailed NJ in hopes to persuade her on a particular issue regarding D3. The issue is irrelavent. When I go to check my E-mail to see if she has responded, I get a feeling of nervousness. I am hesitant to describe the feelings as intimidation because I can't help but associate intimidation with weakness. But I will admit it right now - sometimes NJ intimidates me. We rarely speak in person and when we do, I speak as little as possible. I deepen my voice and I speak my side with boldness. When I communicate through E-mail or text, I keep it short and to the point. In other words, if I am ever feeling intimidated by her - I feel like I do a good job hiding it.

My question is this: Could these feelings of intimidation/anxiety derive from her being primary and me having EOW?

If you guys ever feel this way, how do you deal with it?

As time goes on and as D3 grows up and as I put myself in position to gain more custody (my biggest priority and the reason I wake up every day), will these feelings go away?

It took a lot for me to admit these things and I am looking for help - not to be kicked in the < hindquarters >. But if an ass-kicking is what I need, then bring on the ass-kicking.

[CADreaming]

It's just anxiety. Part of the life change you are going through. It'll pass. The more confidant you become about yourself as a father, provider, and independant man, the quicker it will go.

It's a normal part of change. Not everyone experiences it, but a lot of people do.

Hang in there!

[Here_We_Go]

I have gotten very very good at dismissing any and all emotion. stbx is cheating and i have been planing for 5 months. i have looked her in the eye and said i love you etc. all the time knowing she is fing guys behind my back.

whenever you have these feelings dismiss them immediately and think about something else. IMO the feeling come from her influence on your D3 and your life. you do not want her to be able to change what happens in your life. Get some of that ginsig tea supposed to help with clarity of mind. i use it and the calming one and i think they help.

no emotion related to ex or anything about ex. no emotion. no emotion. no emotion. she does not dictate any of your feelings.

my stbx asked me "how can you be so cold-hearted" I just smiled and walked away. i might change my sig to that

[lohe]

Definitely part of a normal split up if your ex is a dominating person.

Depending on how abusive she can be about it you might keep your distance from her and limit communication to text and email and ask for curb side pickup.

In my case, the last 2 times I was unfortunate enough to have face to face contact with my ex she screamed "f you" at me in front of the kids and pretty much the same thing over the phone, both times over a misunderstanding between her and our son over pickup/dropoff location/time. So I keep my distance and keep a recorder with me because our kids don't need to see/hear that sort of thing.

Definitely work on getting emotional distance from her and work on your self esteem.

[KeepingMyKids]

It's normal. I have primary of my two kids, and I still get jittery in my stomach when I'm expecting an answer to something or waiting for her to pick up/I'm going to pick up. I attribute it to the fact that this person who I once loved dearly and wanted to spend the rest of my life with is now someone I don't even know or understand anymore. When someone you shared your most intimate secrets with is now, in a sense, your "enemy"...well, that's a stomach churner to be sure.

[ScoutLeaderDad]

For the OP, I am in the same boat. Reading and using these other guys experience on here is helping. Deciding that you are divorcing? Check. Now move on and view it as a business transaction. Emotionally disengage. The person I once loved is a freaking alien with no conscious and with every intention of sticking it to me for the rest of my life. No good deed goes unpunished with STBX, etc, etc, etc.

It has been a process for me, and I still get that churning feeling. But, it is getting easier...and, I AM STILL LIVING WITH THE NJ UNTIL THE TEMP HEARING NEXT WEEK.

This too shall pass...but, it sux.